170 People Are Sharing Their Work Brainfarts, And They're Embarrassingly Hilarious

My service line work needs me to say ‘you’re welcome’ and ‘my pleasure’ frequently whenever someone thanks us. A recent early morning meeting with all my colleagues and bosses had me combine both and become ‘you’re pleasure’ to my boss. I wish nobody heard that

Not my goof, but a friends' huge brainfart: My friend and her sister had gone into an ice cream place. The woman behind the counter was extremely well endowed in the chest department and my friend just stood there staring at the woman while they waited their turn. Anyway, the woman finally got to them and asked what they wanted. My friend, with boobs on the brain, blurted out, "We'll take 2 double tits, I mean, 2 double-dip cones, please!". When she told me this, I just died laughing. Leave it to Beth to say something like this. She's always the one that sticks her foot in her mouth whenever she opens it. Still makes me laugh 25 yrs. later.

I'm a dog trainer, and every Tuesday and Wednesdays we have group class in the evening when it's dark out. I have two clients that have Goldendoodles that look exactly the same, and one of them showed up to group class. Both of the owners are females about the same height same color hair and look somewhat similar. So for the entire group class I mistaked one of my clients for the other client who also owns a Goldendoodle. And didn't realize till the end of group class that I had been calling her dog the wrong name all night because I thought it was my other client who already finished private lessons. I finally realized at the end of group class when she asked about our next private lesson that we had scheduled for later that week.

I worked two jobs at one point. One was at the local fire department in the office, and one was as a hostess at a Red Lobster. I was working at the restaurant on Mothers Day, and the lobby was packed. The fire marshal was in the lobby, just for dinner, not in a work capacity. The phone rings, and I rotely answer it "**** County Fire Department...". I realize what I've done, and hang up immediately, with the FM looking at me like I'm insane. So the phone rings again and I said to him, "It's for you". We both had a laugh.

Working in a restaurant, I bring a tray of sushi to a table. I make room on the table to place the tray by clearing the expresso cups aside, just to feel the astonished look on the customers who I had been serving before and who were ready to ask for the bill. Chin drop of the sushiman across the counter was priceless!

I answered the phone one day and this guy said he wanted to speak to my boss, Joe. I had to screen all calls and I didn't know the caller so I asked for his name and what it's in regards to. He said I'm Bill and I'm calling about Joe's organ. I couldn't speak for laughter for over 5 minutes. Bill knew it would crack me up....Joe needed to have his (as in Piano) organ tuned. All my very very conservative co-workers looked at me in horror as I was laughing so much I couldn't talk.

This happened years ago, when I was with a work gang on a large building site. After work we'd stop by the local liquor store and pick up a couple of cases of beer, then go back to the apartment we shared and relax.
On this occasion It had been a long day and we were all tired; one of the guys was a druggie and he had that on his mind when he went into the liquor store. So he went in and asked for five grams of hash.
He got a glassy stare from the guy behind the counter; realized what he'd said and corrected himself...
"Umm, TWO grams of hash!"
Then realized he still wasn't getting the order right and asked finally for two cases of beer.
"That we can help you with," the attendant said, straight-faced. I guess they get some pretty odd requests at times.

I went to Walmart and it was about 4:30- 5:00 am and the guy handed me my receipt and I said thank you come again

i was looking for a place to sell some books. so out of curiosity i went into barns an nobles (sorry if that's not spelled right) i went up to some one working there and my brain shut off, instead of asking if i can sell books to them i asked "do you sell books here?" she looked at me like i was the dumbest person on earth but answered yes.

I used to work for a call centre that gave out transport information. A blind man called one day and asked for directions to a major train station. I gave him the directions the best I could, and at one point, I said "and you'll see the station right in front of you".

I don't know if he noticed, but if he did, he didn't mention it, while I was mentally saying "oh god, did he notice that?"

I was working for a major airline at the departure gate. It was pretty quiet. A friend and I were watching contestants for a beauty contest walk by, sashes on, to another gate. Just like in real life, some were prettier than others. My friend said something about one's appearance. Something like "Look at Miss Wyoming", to which I responded "No wonder they never win". The customer that had just walked up glared at me while telling me "That's my daughter"

In undergrad I worked the switch board at my college during the week and had to answer D_ College good afternoon (morning etc...) How may I direct your call. On the weekends I worked at a family owned grocery store and had to answer Good afternoon Park & Shop This is Ann How may I help you? well every so often I would start to mess up but one time I had been really busy on the service desk and answered the phone D_College Park & Shop this is Ann... and then I was like ummmm.. The owner was on the other end and he chuckled and said trying to rename my store? Later that night when he came in to close he asked if I knew where I was.

My friend's dad was ordering some dinner from a pizza place over the phone. His wife had told him what to order before he made the call. Towards the end, I heard him say "and that cheese stuff, ah, whatever it is..."

I am from Singapore and had moved to Myanmar for work for a year. One time, I had lost my passport and had to call the embassy for help, the lady asked me ‘where am I’ and I replied ‘In office’ feeling puzzled, she did called during office hours. There was a long pause over the phone and my colleagues bursted into laughter, then did I realised she was asking if I was still in Myanmar...

Not a work fail but while writing a very important paper i wrote what people take for grunted instead of granted and wrote the wrong name on it

My husband and I went to a small casino to see a boxing fight. He got excited about something and yelled "Mama!" from 10 feet away. I turned red and then burst out laughing. You can tell how often we go out....

I worked at a large video rental place back in the day where the associates would get bored quite frequently during the day shift. To cull this boredom we would make up porn names for popular movies. Eg: Dracula: Dead and Sucking It, Jurassic Pork, It's a Wiener-Filled Life, etc. So this elderly (over 70) woman comes in and after her transaction I handed her her video and promptly said: "Your copy of Black Cock Down is due back tomorrow at 11.". Yeah, I just let her think she was hearing things.

I've NEVER told this story... About 15yrs ago, on the 3rd morning of a new job, I noticed my boss, who was training me, chatting with this super adorable guy (he worked overnights) for the second morning in a row. We weren't introduced, so after he left I asked my boss "Who's the crazy cute boy on overnights?" She looked at me with a blank stare, obviously confused. After what felt like an ion, she blinked as it clicked in and replied "That's Anna, one of our shift managers and the office manager's daughter." I was so so mortified, and felt my face burn like a well skelped arse. My immediate response when I'm scared/nervous/super embarrassed is to laugh, hard and loud. Now snorting and nearly pissing myself, my boss finally said, "You're going to fit in just fine here," then turned to help a customer like nothing ever happened. (Thanks to this little life lesson, I have never assumed someone's gender again).

I don’t go to work but when I was in pre-k, the teacher asked me what my name was and my mom’s phone number for safety. I said, “2+2=3 and my mom’s phone number is... oh look, William flooded the bathroom again.” Yes, I actually said that. I was stupid.

I use to work at Ace Hardware, we had to greet every customer that came in and answer the phone on the first ring or we would get into trouble, and make sure the popcorn was all bagged up and have no more then two customers in line.
so the line for answering the phone was "Good (morning, afternoon, evening) thank you for calling Montana Ace in (name of town) this is (name) how may I direct your call?" in which i would always mess up and say morning all day, even when it was closing time. but not only that, multiple times when i went to greet people who walked through the door, i would start saying the line that we had to say over the phone. I had even caught myself saying it on my personal phone plenty of times as well.
My personal opinion phone lines should only be a couple words long.... like (name of business) this is (name).
i even caught myself greeting people who had already been shopping for a while in the store, meaning to say "can i help you find anything?" and i would say "Welcome to Ace, Can i help you with anything". yup I'm all sorts of mixed up.