170 People Are Sharing Their Work Brainfarts, And They're Embarrassingly Hilarious

Not really a work fail, but I walked into my 5th period class and sat down. Someone asked me how I was doing and I replied, "drowning in sunshine." (My gym class before that had played walking on sunshine (the song) and since I'm a bit of a pessimist I rebranded it.)

I am a student, working during the weekends & holidays at a gastronomic hotel restaurant. I was serving the last dishes at the end of a heavy lunch service. I was carrying 2 desserts and must've read the table number wrong, so I put down the 2 desserts in front of 2 business men that were there just for some drinks. They looked at me and said: "Those are our desserts". And I am not sure why, but I instinctively repeated them and literally said "Those are not our desserts". After the awkward silence I just picked up the plates like nothing happened and walked away.

I was working at farm fresh in the bakery and often had to do announcements over the intercom. Well I had just gotten off the phone with my mom and had to do an announcement shortly after and instead of ending it with "and thank you for shopping at your neighborhood farm fresh" I ended it with "Kay thanks bye!". I crawled behind the counter and sat there for a bit while everyone in bakery and deli continued to laugh, as well as my managers.

Once I reading numbers to this guy over a radio and I said sex instead of six and I just shut my radio off.

I went for a job interview at a glasses shop. When asked if I wear glasses I said “no way, I dont do glasses!” Didn’t get the job surprisingly

For several years, I worked full time for Radio Shack, and part time (evenings) at my church (doing data entry). Eventually, as was bound to happen, I answered the store phone by saying "St. John the Apostle, how.. no... wait.. shit"

I never did get reprimanded for the "shit" because my manager was busy sitting on the floor crying with laughter. Along with a co-worker. And several customers.

*sigh*

I worked for a tourist office and we made hotel reservations for travellers. One day I dialled a wrong number and started to make a reservation before I realized it was a funeral home.

I'd been at an office job for a year and answered the phone one day with my previous job's greeting, "Thanks for calling ______ Records; how can I help you?" The guy calling (for an insurance exam) thought it was great and after I'd helped him asked me, "now I'm kind of hungry, if I call you right back, can you be Domino's Pizza?"

I used to be a nurse and wore a fob watch daily.
Whenever I had to run, it would bounce up and down so I would hold it steady with my left hand.
Still, many years later, if I have to run or jog for a few seconds I will do so with my hand clasping my left boob.

I phoned my manager and said "Hi Richard, it's Stephen here."

My name isn't Stephen.

Not only is my name not Stephen, I am a 25 year old female and Stephen is my 50+ boss....

I am a radiographer (I take x-rays) and I was talking a student through elbow imaging. What I meant to say was "bring the elbow up to shoulder height". What actually came out was "bring the elbow up to holder shite...." It took a second to sink in but I foolishly made eye contact with a colleague who was next to me and we spent the next 5 minutes on the floor in tears while the nonplussed student went and x-rayed the patient.

I still can't say "shoulder height" without over pronouncing every syllable...

I was our shopping with a friend and started to get hungry. I was about to suggest going for lunch but instead I yelled "HEY YOU WANNA GO BRUSH THE DOGS GUMS?!" across the store to her, because as I was talking I read an ad for a dog treat that would also brush the dogs gums.

One time I made my sister a sub par sandwich, she didn't care for it and when she said "I'm gonna hit you this is so nasty" I tried saying "Make do with it" and "Love not war" and I ended up saying "Make love to it"

I used to work in retail and the amount of times I would butcher the lines I was supposed to say along with greetings/goodbyes was UNREAL. Most of the time the customers ignored it, some laughed and said they understood.

But my best one wasn't even at work. I was at home and had let the dog outside, and she was taking a while to come back in. I had also been talking to my dad previously, so when I went to open the door and called the dog's name, I loudly called out "DAD!" Both of my parents were crying with laughter.

Working desktop support on the phone, client calls saying their computer is frozen. After trying a few things like Ctrl-Alt-Delete to see if we can get anything to come up I say "well it sounds like you're well hung". Luckily I was able to hit the mute button on my headset before cracking up laughing.

I had a job that involved a lot of phone calls to a large client list. On Valentines day, I had just gotten off the phone with my boyfriend, and ended the next message I left for a client with, "Love you. Bye." I guess I was just feelin' the love that day...

At work in a card store people normally say excuse me to ask a question, well I was in the supermarket with my mum when a lady said excuse me and I instinctively said yes my lovely how can I help? She just stared at me and was like uh.. I just need to get past please.
My mum found it hilarious I was so embarrassed

Or we have the time I went into autopilot and asked a postman in uniform if he needed any stamps at all today -_-

When I was a teenage, I worked at the Gap. These were the old days where the fitting room doors were solid and went all the way down so we had sensors on the floor and lights above the doors to show if the rooms were occupied. One particularly busy Saturday, I was working the fitting rooms, which meant letting people into the rooms with a key, putting a little colored hanger on the handle to show how many items they took in, and removing the clothes that people left behind.

On this particularly busy day around the holidays, I let a deaf man into one of the dressing rooms. Time passed. People came and went. We were so busy that I lost track of who was in which room. I noticed the light was off over one of the doors that had a hanger on it. I knocked on the door. There was no response. Apparently I forgot that a couple of the doors had wonky sensors because I opened the door to let a person in and there was the deaf man standing in his underwear...and all 10 people in line could see him.

But that's not the end of the story. I was mortified. So I told my co-worker that I HAD to get out of fitting room duty, right now! She reluctantly took my place and I went up to work at the registers. 10 minutes later, I saw out of the corner of my eye that the deaf man wanted to check out in my lane. I stretched out the transaction with my current customer so that he would have to go to another register. After he was done, he lingered by my station, but I kept busily helping other people. I could tell out of the corner of my eye that he wanted to get my attention, but I kept my head down and appeared to only focus on my other customers.

Finally he wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to me. I took it, didn't open it, knowing it was going to be something like "I can't believe you embarrassed me like that!". So I put the paper down unopened and continued helping other customers. He finally gave up waiting for me to read it and he walked out.

As soon as he was gone, I opened the note. It said "Thank you for your help today. I really appreciated it." UGH! I felt horrible! This has haunted me for more than 30 years.

When my sister was 17, we were chatting at home and the phone rang and it was my mom's husband's coworker so after she told them he wasn't home, they asked who had they spoken with and my sister wanted to say "his wife's daughter" but instead said "his mother's wife" and when she realized what she had said, she just hung up.

My parents have two friends called Heather and Fay. Once I muddled it up and called them Feather and Hay. It has been a long standing joke since then!