170 People Are Sharing Their Work Brainfarts, And They're Embarrassingly Hilarious

Was working in a petrol station (uniform, nametag) and was addressed by my first name by a customer. I was genuinely confused, and demanded to know how he knew my name.

He replied that he was "physic" - I think he meant psychic 😂

When returning to the guy on hold on the phone at work I said, "Thank you for helping, may I hold you".

I used to drive a forklift at a factory. On a forklift the gearshift is on the left side of steering wheel. After work, I would get in my car turn on the ignition and turn the blinker on (left on steering wheel), then rev motor up, expecting to move. At work the next day, a coworker said she parked next to me and laughed. (Another forklift driver). And said "I though I was the only one" I wasn't embarrassed any more.

I used to work at a casino where part of the service culture was to tell guests "Good luck" after interactions. It was so deeply ingrained in my brain that I once said it to a man after I directed him to the restrooms. He just gave me an odd look and responded, "Umm, thanks?"

I went to togo's (sandwich place) with my dad for lunch and i don't normally get a drink or anything because its just a waste of cups and i dont normally need a drink for the kind of sandwich i get. so i order my sandwich and the guy (worker) asks if i want a drink. i say no politely. but he pushes and says "are you sure? just a cup for water?" and i say "no i am good thank you" but he keeps going "oh come on i can't imagine eating without something to drink" at this point my brain was just completely out of polite ways to decline an over insistent person so this is what came out of my brain "no really im good i have a lot of spit" well that stopped him, i got my sandwich and sat down with my dad and he is just looking at me and shaking his head like (what in the world have i raised)
TLDR
i didn't want a drink, worker insisted, i told him i had a lot of spit...

My brain farts are much simpler. Like completely forgetting how to spell 'the' and 'and'...... and then having to ask someone.

I spelled my name wrong when I signed my driver's permit

So glad to have a place to tell this story! Uears ago in Harvard square there was a dog tied up outside a bookstore in the snow. I was intending to say "They could at least have given him a newspaper to sit on" when I happened to glance up at the ads in the window of the grocery store across the street. I said, very indignantly, 'They could at least have given him a banana!

I'm the receptionist in my office. we have a clipboard with a sign-in sheet and just about anyone who walks through the front door has to sign in before I buzz them in the office.
one day another department was having a meeting in our conference room. I'm familiar with the majority of the attendees, so I would say, "hi, please sign in." then I buzz them in. after awhile it got to where I could see them in my peripheral vision and just say the line.
I was answering the phone at the same time when someone came in and stood there. without looking up I said, "hi, please sign in, and the conference room is behind me." the person was still standing there when I got off the phone, and before looking at them while hanging up the phone I said, "please sign in. everyone in the meeting has to sign in." I looked up to see the director of my entire department. he smiled, "do I really have to sign in?"

I wanted to crawl under my desk.

I had been working as a florist for several years and needed a second job. There was a job packing fruit and veg for five star restaurants going so I rang up. Turned up to the informal interview, three elderly men behind the counter. I was asked if I could work quickly. I realised that I had said something wrong after their faces were shocked. I proudly had to them that I had been the fastest stripper in the florist shop over Valentine's Day..... but forgot to mention that I stripped the leaves off flowers and roses, not myself. Sigh..... got the job, then got teased for months after being the new stripper at work 😐🤐😧😩

Once I was alone on an elevator when an attractive woman stepped on and began to push the “door close” button.

Now before we go any further, it is important for you to understand how my mind works.

I have a friend who is an elevator technician and he once told me that the door close button usually isn’t hooked up to anything and simply serves to distract you until the door closes on its own. Essentially, it is a placebo. I thought this was a great piece of trivia and wanted to share it with her.

Well, as I attempted to share my little wisdom, I was surprised to see her face sour from a pleasant smile to thinly veiled terror. Her unexpected response made me realize what I said wrong, but there was no way I could possibly explain to her the whole thought process as I am doing here. Let’s just say the rest of the elevator ride was a very tense few minutes of us staring straight ahead and not moving.

You have to understand that while I was trying to think of the word “placebo”, my brain conflated it with something else that doesn’t really do anything, but we convince ourselves that it does.

So as this lovely woman stepped alone onto the elevator with me, a 6'4" stranger, and pushed the button, I turned to her and cheerfully said, “Did you know that pressing that is an aphrodisiac?”

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

I work for red robin and when a guest orders chicken sometimes I ask "some pink, or no pink?". They always look at me weird like, obviously I don't want pink in my chicken

I still cringe over shouting "next please" in someone's face instead of saying goodbye when I handed them their bag.

I used to work as an EMT in a very rural area. Any time we needed to talk to the 911 center over the phone we were supposed to dial an actual phone number and not 9-1-1. I ended up on a call in a county I had never worked in before and needed to call them (radios at the time were really terrible in certain areas) and I asked my partner in front of the patient's family "What's the number to 911?"

I was a consultant leading a big community meeting for a small town. I was greeting everyone when they walked in to the auditorium and the mayor and her grand-daughter walked in. The mayor was a white woman who happened to be wearing a bright red blouse. She introduced me to her young grand-daughter who was African American and we all started talking and making little jokes and I commented on how radiant the mayor's outfit was. When she commented that we had such a big turnout and asked how I was going to organize the workshop part of the meeting, I smiled and, thinking about her vibrant blouse, said "how about we separate people by color?" Her: "Excuse me?" It finally dawned on me and all I could blurt out was: SHIRTS! CLOTHES! She looked confused and then I had to go talk in front of 150 people for an hour, blushing.

I had finally got out of work after a 10 hour or so shift so I was honestly drained. All day I was a cashier and that day I had customers pay with their cards. I finally get out and head to my car. In doing so I also take our my debit card from my wallet. I sit in my car and swipe the ignition with my card. I sat there dumbfounded wondering why in the world my car wasn't turning on. Not my best moment.

When my sister worked at Taco Bell a customer came through drive thru and ordered a Mexican pizza. When she repeated the order back it came out Mexican penis.

I work front desk at a salon and I repeat myself about 100x a day. Usually with "how was everything?" or "would you like your receipt" you know, the normal stuff. So anyways, I was at my local grocery store and when the clerk was about to give me my change I said "thanks, would you like your receipt?" She gave me a weird look and I just tried to laugh it off and say "It's been a long day at work..." and then ran off so embarrassed.

I was working in the X-Ray departments one Halloween and answered the phone “Good afternoon, Melody spooking, how may I help you”. We both had a good laugh at that one.