170 People Are Sharing Their Work Brainfarts, And They're Embarrassingly Hilarious

I work at a hospital in a diet office. Our job is to take patient orders over the phone, and also log in menu's that patient's fill out. One day I was working with my co-worker who had just finished logging in a menu for a patient. The phone rang, and instead of saying "Room service, this is (Insert name here)" she shouted "Meatloaf!" Apparently that was the last thing she logged from a previous order, before taking that call. She was so embarrassed. It didn't help that I was laughing so hard I was crying. She had to put the patient on hold so she could collect herself.

One time I was trying to say “I got ya” and “I’m on it” but instead told my boss “I’m on you”. I was so mortified!

My classmates and I are bored to death, having a class. Suddenly someone knocks on the door. My classmate, bearing her most serious expression: "Occupied!" The silence was broken...

Back when I used to work in a call centre, I was spelling out an address and I forgot the phonetic for 'W'. All I could think of was 'Yankee' so I ended up blurting out 'Wankee'.
Miraculously, the customer didn't even realise, so I didn't get in trouble.
My colleagues in earshot all thought it was hilarious though.

I told the girls at the nail salon I go to "nigh night" as I left. I've worked in a day care for the last 5 years and say that to the babies every night as I leave. Couldn't even look back I had to keep walking lol.

I work at CVS and we are supposed to greet customers who come in. More than once I've said "Hello!" to a customer leaving the store lol.

In college, I worked at AAA (Emergency Road Service) & Victoria's Secret. I once answered the phone at Vicky's asking if the caller was in a safe location. It took about 3.7 seconds to realize what I'd said so I just hung up & didn't answer when they called back.

Today, in College, my friend was telling me something exciting about her trip to Sri Lanka. I wanted to say "That's Great!" but in my head i was going to say "Wow!".

I ended up saying - "Chiwao!"

My typical response to people selling things/collecting signatures, etc. outside of stores is, "Not today, thank you." One day, a store employee was gathering carts and told me to, "Have a nice day!", as I left. He was very confused when I replied, "Not today, thank you.", as I smiled firmly and shook my head no!

I did something similar to the person who read the book review. My old waitressing job I had to greet every table and offer a cherry coke or a chocolate shake and a little boy had a book about squirrels on their table so instead I said "can I get you started with a cherry coke or a chocolate squirrel?"

As a teller I was unable to cash a check for someone due to them not having the funds to cover the balance if the check were to bounce (federal policy). They were polite and took the check back with a "thank you". I started to say "You're Welcome" but my brain switched to "No Problem". I said "Your Problem". I felt so bad, but the customer and my boss both laughed their asses off.

I work at a steakhouse, was at the host stand talking to a coworker about how we both used to work at MOE's Southwest Grill when a guest walked in, we both simultaneously shouted 'welcome to MOE's!' at the guest as he walked in and proceeded to the bar, he didn't even realize what had happened but my coworker and I died laughing

I work with professors in university and they sometimes act like children. Most of the times I don't get annoyed, but this one time one lady was unbelievably dumb and information that i gave her would come in one ear and then just wiggle out through the empty head of hers straight out the other ear.... Trough the entire conversation I was just smiling and nodding, but swearing on the inside. And then when it was the time to say goodbye my brain told my tongue to just go with "GO F*CK YOURSELF" instead of "GOODBYE". Honestly tho, I hope she went and did exactly what I said... Still have to see her at least one a week.

One time I was saying goodbye to someone and I was caught between saying "see you" and "keep well". I ended up saying "seek well".

I once worked at a construction company, but also worked at an auto repair shop (where the tow trucks bring us crashed cars and we try to fix it, or if the owner wants, do repairs on any salvageable part and sell it to help pay for a new car. Anyway, one day after no sleep, I got my current construction project, repairing a canal, and a car drop-off, where I would call, tell them where to get it, and wait until they got there. So I said I can give you anal, come out when possible. And my brain was confused more by them asking if I was ok, and I said wear a hard head (Ouch, I died at that moment since that is what I call hard hats) and told them to meet me there tonight. I then tried to apologise, they were ok with it. My manager asked later why I gave a different coworker the drop, and said the customer asked for the "Gay anal dude's phone number". I quit that day

I work at a zoo.
When friends tell me they're pregnant I usually ask if they are having a "male or a female?".

I used to work as a customer service person answering the phone and I would answer the phone the same way every time—“*business name*, Brittany speaking!” I also took notes on who called when and what they called about. At least twice, I answered by saying what time it was, but in the tone of what I normally said. Like, no hello, no greeting, just picked up and said “2:46!”
I also almost answered my personal phone this way on multiple occasions but thankfully never did. Haha

I was working retail and I had just got off my shift and went across the street to a gas station . It’s almost midnight and I buy a drink hand the attendant my money, and out of sheer habit proceed to ask the cashier “Did you find everything you were looking for today. Do you have a rewards-?” He gave me the strangest look. I ran out of there as soon as I got my change.

I'm British but I live in China and speak Chinese. One day a woman stopped and said hello to my dogs when I was out on a walk. Its -30 here in the north in winter and I didnt wanna stay out long so I said in Chinese "sorry, but Ive got to go move house" (ban jia) instead of saying "go to work"(shang ban)... which launched into a very long conversation about me and where I live and my Chinese husband and how do I like China and what do I do and why am I moving house... and I was so embarrassed I had said it wrong I ended up staying outside talking for 30 minutes... until I really did have to go to work and then I said the originally intended Chinese correctly. Sigh.

I worked customer-facing retail jobs for years, and once, in a job selling Apple product (i.e. high levels of professionalism required, customers spending a lot of money etc), I must have had my boyfriend on my mind, as I called a customer "babe" while handing him his change! I told myself at the time that he didn't clock it, but it's probable that he did.