170 People Are Sharing Their Work Brainfarts, And They're Embarrassingly Hilarious

I was really sleepy one morning and went to the little corner market for coffee. I was in there pretty frequently but this time when I was saying bye to the older gentleman who owned it I said "Love You, Bye". I didnt go in for two months from embarassment but once I did he gave me free coffee.

Didn’t happen to me, but to my boss. He was going on a local morning news show to talk about an upcoming event. He got nervous about responding either “thanks for having me” or “great to be here.” He ended up saying “great to have me.” That story cracks me up every time!

As a psychiatry resident we'd work nights doing emergency evals, and on a busy night would have a bunch of reports to dictate before we could go home and sleep. After droning through one, half asleep, I signed off with "In Jesus' Name, Amen."

I use to work with in memory care at a nursing home so it was working with a lot of Alzheimer and demintia patients. Well some of them would need help with eating and drinking. Like putting the fork/straw to their lips. Well my mom asked for a glass of milk. I return with the milk and tried to put the straw to her lips, she just stared at me. We still laugh about it!

When I offered to help my supervisor with removing a mop head,several years back. It was stuck and she was making some weird movements when trying to remove it.
"Can I fist you?" I said.
What I MEANT was "Can I help? It's really bad but you look like you're fisting someone."

Possibly the worst thing that's popped out of my mouth...

I waited tables in college and one night I left work and wasn’t feeling well, so I went home, took some NyQuil, and went to sleep. One of my friends called me at midnight to invite me out for drinks, but apparently in my medicine haze I’d answered “Thank you for calling Tejas Cafe” and tried to take her salad order.

I used to answer the phone at work by saying "Good morning (or afternoon) (then name of the business) this is Ellen, may I help you?" One day I answered it and did fine until I got to the last phrase and instead said "may I hold you?" I lost it laughing but the guy on the phone was quick. He calmly replied, "Ok, but I barely know you."

In my old job, I was trying to package something for a customer. But it wouldn't fit.
"It's too big, it won't go in..."
Swiftly followed by "that's what she said!“
And then I remembered I was serving a customer and proceeded to accidentally put about 3 further innuendos in my apology. Luckily, he found it amusing and countered with some" that's what s/he" saids of his own.

I worked in a fancy restaurant for years. We always set up salad bar for dinner. Well one night I was a little behind.Everything was all set except nothing had tongs in it. So essentially it wasn't ready for customers. Well the hostess was unaware of this and from what she saw it looked ready so she let this group of ppl through to start their salads. I came running through the line with tongs and had forgotten what they were called. Tongs or utensils...neither sounded right at the time. Anyway so I was hurridly placing them around the salad bar exclaiming " Wait, they need thier tonsils! Tonsils!"

I work at a horse barn full time.
I make clicking or kissing noises to try to get people to move and kind of herd them around.
I tell them “quit” in a stern, harsh voice when they are doing something slightly annoying.

I used to work with little kids with disabilities, and one of my kids with down’s (non-verbal) calls ketchup “kehkeh.” And I just mindlessly told the dude at the McDonald’s drive thru i needed extra kehkeh packets and I want to Die

My mother and my grandmother pulled up to a McDonalds to get something to drink. They were lost in conversation when the voice over the speaker asked what they wanted. They were going to order a large coffee and a Coke. Instead, they asked for "one large cock" much to the amusement of drive through worker and the rest of the passengers in the car.

I'm a dog groomer, and I used to have a client named Penny who owned a dog named Noelle. One day, when they arrived for their appointment, I used my squeaky-happy-dog-greeting-voice, and called out, "HI, PENNY!" They both stared at me, and the lady said, "Uh...hi?"

I used to work with small children in before and after school care who needed supervision to go anywhere. I’m now working as a teacher in a high school setting. Occasionally, when a student asks to go to the washroom, I slip up and say “Ok, don’t forget to take a buddy” to a 17 year old who just looks confused.

So I work as a technical trainer for a large software company. We often teach classes online. At this time in my company's existence, we used to pair students up to work on labs.

Now I also try to make it fun where possible. However, this time I had an odd number of students. So as i was going through who was assigned what lab, I did the following:

"John and Jake will work together"
"Sue and David will work together"
"Bill and Bobby will work together"
"And poor Peter has to play with himself".

It took a few minutes before the laughter died down for me to realize what i had said.... Thankfully they were a good group of students.

My facial recognition skills are horrible when I'm at work! I'll either say hello to the same customer 5 times or greet my coworkers thinking they're customers. What's worse is when my boyfriend comes to visit it takes me 5 seconds too long to realize it's him

I work at a newspaper and take classified ads over the phone. Unfortunately on more than one occasion, while reading the text of the ad back to the customer, and coming upon the phrase part-time/full-time I read it back as fart-time/pull-time...

At my wedding, my father need to answer the traditional question, “who gives this woman to marry this man?” with the phrase, my wife and I. Instead, he was so nervous he answered “my mother and I”. So basically my father and grandma gave me away.

I have 2 kids and I work in doctors offices. One time, I walked past a doctor and said "momma's very tired". He just looked at me, very confused.

I once walked up to the register at Panera’s to order and said “welcome to Rita’s (Italian ice), how can I help you?” instead of ordering a meal... The manager was standing there and wouldn’t stop making fun of me.