How can one thing be so loathsome and so hilarious at the same time? Is it some sort of magic? Is it our differing perceptions? Heck, if we know, but somehow, stand-up comedy jokes can either make you writhe with laughter or need an ambulance after scoffing too hard.
There’s no denying that good stand-up comedy jokes are an art form. It requires the comedian to be fully present, know how to interact with audiences, and have a stellar sense of humor. With all this needed, a lot can go wrong on many levels.
If you’d like to steer clear of dumb jokes and getting humiliated after climbing up on that stage, these hand-picked stand-up jokes might be the inspiration you need. Even if you have a niche sense of humor, you’ll find at least one fantastic joke from this list that’ll resonate with you. With over 100 jokes, the odds are ever in your favor here!
We can’t wait to hear which stand-up comedy lines you plan on trying out in front of an audience and which cheesy joke you think might just land. Let us know in the comments, and share this article with your friends to brighten their day.
#81 “With Great Parenting Comes Great Privilege”
"It is your job, as a parent, to make sure your child has the necessary tools to make their life easier than yours was. My child looks white. My job is done." - Silas Lindenstein
unknown
Report23points
#82 Street Smarts Over Signals
“Advice to children crossing the street: Damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain’t never killed nobody.” — Moms Mabley
unknown
Report23points
#83 Relatable airport struggles, honestly
“If God had really intended man to fly, He’d make it easier to get to the airport.” — Jonathan Winters
unknown
Report22points
#84 Plot holes or just bad teachers?
"Here's my only thing with "Harry Potter.... They go to this school, and they take classes like Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions and Divination, but they should be taking math also, right? Why are there no math teachers at Hogwarts? Or history, or geography? They're getting tested on Care of Magical Creatures - never heard of the Holocaust." - Kumail Nanjiani
unknown
Report22points
#85 Tall People: Fireproof or Just Confusing?
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" - Warren Hutcherson
unknown
Report22points
#86 Mysteries in the City That Never Sleeps
“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved.” — Johnny Carson
unknown
Report22points
#87 Plot twist: I’m already hardcore
"I used to want to be a skydiver because I thought skydiving was the most extreme sport. Then I found out that only 13 people died last year skydiving, but 1,000 people died from autoerotic asphyxiation - so I guess I'm already a lot more extreme when I thought."
unknown
Report21points
#88 Step one? More like step none.
"For me trying to have just one beer is kinda like trying to fall down just one step of a staircase." - Tommy Gill
unknown
Report21points
#89 Winning at lazy laundry hacks
"One good thing about being chubby is I can get most of the wrinkles out of my clothes just by wearing them." - Antonio
unknown
Report21points
#90 Cafeteria vibes, but make it savage
“Breastfeeding is this savage ritual that just reminds you that your body is a cafeteria now.” — Ali Wong
unknown
Report21points
#91 Hot Dog Takes That Hit Different
“Do you know what I love most about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. And that’s just in the hot dogs.” — David Letterman
unknown
Report21points
#92 Parenting: The Ultimate Plot Twist
"There was a point in time when we were in (Disneyland) where I lost my daughter. But I knew eventually I would run into her again, so I took that time to get on rides she couldn't get on. When I saw her she was crying. I was like, 'It's not your birthday. Today's not about you.'" - Kevin Hart
unknown
Report20points
#93 Confidence: Hair Optional, Swagger Required
"Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there's your diamond in the rough." - Larry David
unknown
Report20points
#94 Paying for a mixtape, not therapy
“I tried therapy once a few years ago. The doctor gave me a CD with his voice speaking calmly to reduce my chances of having anxiety attacks. He told me to listen to it when I started to feel overwhelmed. For $100 a session he prescribed me his mixtape.” — Mike Sicoli
unknown
Report20points
#95 That awkward goodbye energy
"I took my parents back to the airport today. They leave tomorrow." - Margaret Smith
unknown
Report20points
#96 The Pen Panic Ritual
“Why is it that when people say ‘have you got a pen?’ You know you don’t have a pen but you still frisk yourself? You really want to help them as well. You start talking about pens you had. ‘I had a pen! I can see the pen in my mind. If you have come to me earlier you’d be writing right now, I’m so sorry!'” - Michael McIntyre’s
unknown
Report20points
#97 Lottery dreams vs. 362nd reality check
"I was watching an elderly gentleman buying lottery tickets and I thought to myself... "Ha, this poor fool. What are the chances that's ever gonna work out?" Anyways, this is my 362nd stand-up shot." - Antonio
unknown
Report19points
#98 Living on the edge, one drop at a time
“I think I gamble too much. I don’t even use a cell phone case. But when I drop my phone and it doesn’t crack, I feel a rush like I just won 800 dollars.” — Erics Obczak
unknown
Report18points
#99 Progress: Standing Up, Jokes Pending
"I'm halfway through becoming a stand up comedian. I can stand up, now all I need is comedy."
unknown
Report18points
#100 Level 9000 Nerd Alert
"I'm a nerd. Not like, "I like Star Wars I'm such a nerd." I'm a real nerd. I've been to the Magic the Gathering pro tour... as a fan. - Eric Navarro
unknown
Report17points
What Makes a Stand-up Comedy Joke Effective?
The biggest thing you need to keep in mind is audience feedback. It is the greatest tool that will help you craft better jokes. When you try out your material for the first time, pay attention to how people react to your content. This will help you edit and rewrite the stand-up comedy lines to be better. Don’t be afraid to cut things out because less is more. The more you put yourself out there, the more you will grow.
