Do you want a girl who walks like a T-Rex? Maybe you're looking for somebody who chews so loudly that you'll feel like you're dating the Cookie Monster? Or perhaps you want a partner who applies mustard to fries by squeezing it into their hand and then smearing it all over their food? Well if you said yes to any of the above, then you're in luck because as you can see from this hilarious list of reasons that people deserved a breaking up for, all of these folks are currently leading a single life!
Compiled by Bored Panda, the stories below contain some of the funniest and most bizarre reasons that people have decided breaking up with somebody. It also includes some legendary breaking up quotes that you could definitely use as your own if need be. Let us know which one of the 'reasons why' is the best, and if you've had a funny or odd story ending a relationship then don't forget to add it to the list below! And if browsing through this list, you'll think that being single forever is the way to go, don't worry as there's always a weirdo just for you!
#581
Woke up one night to my ex boyfriend fingering my butthole, only to roll over and realize he was jacking off. Furious, I asked him what the f he was doing. He replied, lacking any remorse, "Well you should've come off it!" Dumped him the next day. Might I add, he rolled over and finished himself off before going to sleep.
3points
#582
We were together 10 years. The man would use half a roll of toilet paper on every #2 he took-- it would wreak havoc on the plumbing. One day I bought the super extra thick TP (that the TV bears tell you that you only need 3 sheets.) I mentioned that I swapped brands and that he should probably use less than normal for the sake of the plumbing. Never thought another thing of it, never repeated it. A year after he left, a friend told me he went around saying he left because I rationed his TP.
3points
#583
I went to meet this guy who lived on the other end of the city and first thing out of his mouth was complaints that I was late. I had been rear ended on my way there. He gets in the car and we drive back to my end (where his parents live) and stop for coffee, which I had to buy for myself and we sat there both staring out the window not talking. A few days later, he calls and asks if I want to get together again. I asked him if he needed another ride to his parents. He hung up.
3points
#584
She told me that her 23 yr old daughter was in a Sexual Relationship with her first cousin and had been doing so for the past 3 years. Which meant that for two of those years while we lived together it was happening right under both our noses. They were lying about the extent of what they were doing by all the time they were spending together. They would make up lies, fake fights, lead us in the wrong direction and do anything to keep the sexual relationship a secret from us.
3points
#585
A friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend because every time they would drive down the road she would point to the ditches and inform him there was water. Then she would point to the car in front of them and say "I think that car is stopping." Literally every car ride.
3points
#586
I had a blind date, and it went so well I invited him to a party I was going to go to anyway. My friends absolutely hated him. At the time I thought it was because my ex was there stirring shit so we left. We ended up having sex. After the lust was gone I started noticing what my friends meant, he was insanely annoying. We'd known each other about 12 hours by this point (Yes, slut I know) and he turned to me, in all seriousness, and said 'I think I'm in love with you'. I didn't see him again.
3points
#587
I broke up with him. His mother gave him a choice of being with me or having his iPhone back. He came to my house crying and saying that he didn't know what to do, I said it sounds like you have already made your choice. We were both in our early 20's. Last I knew he was still single while I am in a very happy relationship with a great man.
3points
#588
Found myself in this list so here's the flip side... started dating this guy, first he taped our conversation on the phone, found him collecting fingernail and toenail clippings in a jar, used to make fake porno movies with his friends wearing women's underwear, wrote down our sexual experience in code on his wall, had a female "pen-pal" at 20... and the kicker... Had a secret and private overnight camping trip with his female first cousin.
3points
#589
He asked permission for his ex wife to stay on the couch for the night inour apartment when she was in town for a concert.
3points
#590
I broke up with my bf after he repeatedly failed to turn up when he said he would. wasted so much time just waiting for him. When I got upset one day he was angry at me for challenging him.
3points
#591
we were going to a bonfire night, outdoors obviously and it was cold , so i wore jeans, he told me to go put on a dress or he wouldn't take me, so I asked him to leave
3points
#592
Things were going really great. So I asked him out for date 3. And I said I could do any day apart from Tuesday.
Guess which day he wanted to pick? Tuesday. Than threw a tantrum how obviously I am not interested in him and don't have the balls to break up.
Than followed me that Tuesday, got upset I was talking to my Male gay friend and I must be cheating. And how he was going to join my uni societies, sportclubs and my gym so we would need to spent time together. Just nope
3points
#593
He was an excessive crier, I'm an understanding person but it was ridiculous. On my birthday he insisted on driving me to the mall since I wanted to do some window shopping, super sweet right? Wrong. He made a scene the entire time, embarrassing and pressuring me to leave so he could catch a sale across the street. But when he saw I was annoyed, he got upset, crying the entire ride home (40 mins of blubbering, LOUD baby tears). Broke up with him that day.
3points
#594
We had only been seeing eachother for a week or two and he decided that it was ok to list exactly what his wife must do for him; laundry, cook, bear many children, and only stay at home. That was our last time seeing eachother to say the least.
3points
#595
I broke up with a girl once because she firmly believed that crystals powered by the moon would be better treatment for my mothers cancer than what "western medicine", had to offer. When I questioned this I was told it had to be true because her psychic had told her so. There was also some shit about fairies but I had stopped paying attention long before they showed up in the argument.
3points
#596
She had 20 rats and got mad at me for adopting a cat who was abandoned outside walmart with a note saying his owner died. Homeless people were fighting over him. Additionally, she had two horses and a snake and a cat and two guinea pigs, and was always asking me to spot her money for rat bedding. I have no problem with animals, when you can afford them and you don't make me get a 2 bedroom apartment just so the rats can have a bedroom to themselves. Seriously.
3points
#597
Her parents were too rich. And I don't mean like nice house in the suburbs money I'm talking Fortune 500 CEO type money. It was seriously intimidating and I couldn't handle the pressure. So I stuck a note in her locker on the last day of school after a 3 month relationship (I was 17 so way too old to be doing that type of cowardly bullshit). It also made for a very awkward senior year.
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2points
#598
She would put saltine crackers in her soup and crush them up. No big deal I do that to but when she was done she would lick her hands clean of all the cracker dust. Every. Single. Time! I could not handle this no matter how amazing the sex was.
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2points
#600
When I was 20 and in college, my family's house burnt down along with our dogs. I figured that since I was already losing everything, I might as well lose my girlfriend too. Hard to explain, but I feel like it was a good opportunity to start over. I dumped her while the ashes were still smoldering, at no fault of her own.
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2points