Remember the movie Police Academy? If yes, you can just skip right to our selection of police jokes because you already know what to expect from them! If not, keep on reading, and we’ll tell you all about it.
First off, these cop jokes aren’t a sort of mockery - this has been done many times before, and we’re not willing to continue with the tradition. Instead, these police officer jokes are mainly based on situational comedy because, let’s admit it - being a law enforcement professional gets you into predicaments unmatched by any other occupation. And this will be the basis of our funny jokes about police. Well, okay, maybe a couple of police dad jokes about doughnuts, but that’s it, you have our promise. Next to these sorts of funny cop jokes, there are also jokes for police officers - something they might find relatable or painfully true.
So, our selection of police officer jokes begins with just a scroll down below - you should definitely check them out. Once you’re done reading, be sure to give the best jokes your vote! And after that, you might want to share these cop jokes with your friends, too.
#101
I got pulled over by a female officer... when I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said "NOTHING".
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#102
A police officer stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.
He said, "There is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
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#103
How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one... to officer 911 and demand a officer come do something about the intimidating blackness.
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#104
Police officer on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the police officer and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The police officer chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that his organ goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
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#105
Police officer: "Where were you the night of the murder?"
Crow: "I was with a group of friends."
Police officer: "What would you call that group?"
Crow: "…I want a lawyer."
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#106
A police officer walks over to a bruised and beaten man outside of a pub. He asks the man what happened and the man tells him this; "So I walk into the pub and sit down and as I'm waiting for my drink I overhear two large women talking with a strange accent. So I ask them 'Are you two ladies from Ireland?' One of them scoffs and tells me "it's Wales." So I ask again 'are you two whales from Ireland?' And that's about all I can remember."
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#107
"I saw a police officer pull over a U-Haul today... looks like he was trying to bust a move."
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#108
What do you call a police officer who gets convicted of murder?
A good start.
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#109
"I used to work as a bed salesman. One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover police officer."
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#110
"So I was doing donuts in my car and a police officer pulls me over. Now I know what you're thinking, who names their dog Donuts?"
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#111
A drunk is walking around downtown. When he walks up to a officer to complain that his car has been stolen.
The police officer asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The police officer says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the police officer says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."
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#112
A police officer pulls over a speeder. "Do you know how fast you were going?" the officer asks. "130 km/h" the man answers. "Why were you going 30 over the limit?" the police officer asks, surprised the man admitted to speeding. "I was keeping up with traffic!" The officer looks up and down the road. "There's no other cars!" "I know" says the man, "That's how far behind I am!"
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#113
A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says: "You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a officer!"
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#114
Police officer: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”
Driver: “Isn’t it your job to tell me?”
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#115
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot?
A cellfie.
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#116
Judge: “I thought I said that I never wanted to see you in here again.”
Criminal: “That’s what I kept telling the arresting officer, but he wouldn’t listen.”
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#117
Man: “Can I park here?”
Police officer: “No.”
Man: “What about all these other cars?”
Police officer: “They didn’t ask!”
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#118
Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp?
He got a very light sentence.
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#119
When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket.
He asked, “Would it make a difference if I told you I’m in the Air Force?”
The police officer replied, “Yes, but only if you were driving an airplane.”
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#120
Why did the NYPD show up at the Mets game?
They heard someone was stealing bases.
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