287 Funny White Lies Parents Tell Their Kids

I told my son that if he drank caffeine or alcohol his ears would fall off. Because he was an extremely intelligent child, I had to explain to him that children have a chemical reaction to these elements, which is why it is illegal for children to even purchase alcohol. When he was about four, his daddy gave him a Dr. Pepper and when my son found out it had caffeine he freaked out. His daddy didn't help matters by telling him his ears looked a little low. "Momma put my ears back!!"

When i know my son is lying I am telling him that his eyes changed color and only parents can see that. Now I know when he is lying cause he is hiding his eyes.

"Happy Meals are for poor kids who's parents can't buy them toys and they're sad."

My parents got me to eat calamarie by telling me they were "Italian onion rings."

My dad always told me he was terrified of mice and rats so we couldn't go to Chuck E Cheese.

"We can't have the dome light on in the car at night because it blinds the other drivers."

My mom told me girls peed out of their butts to avoid telling me about vaginas. I went to school and told the other kids before being corrected.

"That's not juice, it's camels blood" my sisters attempt at averting her kids attention from the expensive pomegranate juice.

My parents told me that haggis were small creatures that lived on Scottish hillsides. They had tartan pelts, and the legs on one side of their body were longer than on the other so they could comfortably run around the hill. Bagpipes were made from haggis pelts, and the haggis you eat was made from minced haggis meat.

Beanbags actually have badly behaved children inside them, ground up into little pieces.
Works a charm.

If we were naughty she could put us in the rubbish bin and we would be taken away with all the rubbish. Worked while we were kids but became a joke as we got older.

You know the myth that carrots make you see in the dark. My mother took it to another level and said you would go blind if you didn't eat carrots

My mother use to make eggs for the whole family at once and season them with salt and pepper. But my sister wouldn't eat anything with pepper in out. One time get egg was sprinkled by accident with pepper o.k. the edge. Because she really didn't want to waste it my mother assured her that this was special pepper for kids. My sister was convinced and ate her egg. Years later as a teen my sister still believed there were two kinds of pepper. One for kids and one for grownups.

I had headache once and it was suggested I go for a walk. As I was leaving my mothers friend said "you can't wear a hat, the headache won't escape" so I took off the hat. To this day I don't wear a hat if I have headache even though I know

We lived in rural VA and my dad had me, my sister, cousins and all the neighborhood kids convinced if we stayed out after dark a "hairy monster with glowing green eyes" would eat us. One night doing dishes with my sister, a green eyed monster appeared in the kitchen window. We dropped and shattered the dishes, ran screaming for my father and cried for hours. Wouldn't believe him when he said it was just a mask

Oh SO many! I used to tell my daughter that when she took baths as a toddler, she would fart then try to catch the bubbles with her teeth....also told the kids that the car wouldn't move if their seat belts weren't fastened and whenever they had a friend in the car they would always tell their friends the same thing.

My D.A.R.E. teacher in middle school told us if we ever smoked pot we would never be able to receive an organ transplant.

When my daughters were little I told them if you burped, farted, and sneezed at the same time, you would turn them inside out.

My wife's parents used to tell her that dandelions were illegal and they would get fined if she didn't remove all of them from the yard.

My parents told me that if I pushed the "reset" button on the power outlet the house would explode.