Telling little white lies to your child every now and then is certainly not a bad thing. In some cases, namely, that of Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy, bending the truth can inspire a sense of wonder in a kid's mind - and keep them on their best behavior if they know presents under the tree are at stake. Other times, these little lies are simply the only way to get stubborn, critical young minds to move in the right direction.
Using "alternative facts" in raising kids, however, can occasionally misfire. If your young detective catches you in a lie, you're in hot water. "Kids globalize and say, ‘My parent is a liar. Are they also lying about loving me?’" Canadian parenting expert Alyson Schafer told The Washington Post in 2015. On the importance of owning up to your funny lies, and making up for it, though, she added that “making a mistake gracefully is a really important parenting skill.”
In other words, as long as you make sure to backtrack and let them know that eating watermelon seeds won't actually turn them into a watermelon before they make it to high school, you're in the clear. A heartfelt apology and an ice cream cone also never hurt anyone.
Check out some of the most clever and funny things to say to your kids below, and if you still need more inspiration, you can find our previous post on this here. Also, don't forget to add yours to the list!
#142
I'll always remember when I had a pile of grated carrots on my plate. I didn't like carrots. I was told it was a big pile of cheese, and naive me decided to eat it. I was trolled by my own parents :(
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9points
#143
I routinely tell this to children when they ask why the sky is blue:
"The sky is blue because we live inside the eye of a blue eyed giant named Macumba."
"The sky is blue because we live inside the eye of a blue eyed giant named Macumba."
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9points
#144
My parents hired an actor to pretend to be a drugged out version of myself from the future to scare me away from drugs.
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9points
#145
My mother told me that every time I lied, a piece of my tongue would fall off. She would convince me by putting a piece of meat on her finger (without me seeing), reach in my mouth and pull it out and show me. I'd cry for hours.
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9points
#147
I told my Godchildren that my brother (who they called Uncle Fartypants) has such bad wind that he's not allowed on planes - because farting affects the air pressure and makes them crash
9points
#148
Once (ok, more than once) I forgot to play "Tooth Fairy". My daughter was so upset, and I had to come up with something quickly. I told her she was a little on the older side of loosing her teeth. The Tooth Fairy always started with the younger ones, and she must have run out of time last night.
9points
#149
My dad used to say he could make the traffic lights turn green. He'd count down 3-2-1-GREEN and the light would change. It wasn't until I was older that I realized he was timing it off the light turning red for the crossroad.
9points
#150
"Lucky Charms are for Leprechauns. If you eat too many you'll shrink and have to wear a green suit and have a red beard."
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8points
#151
I was told that if I swallowed my gum, my poop would bounce up and down in the toilet. I cried every time I accidentally swallowed some.
Unknown
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#152
I didn't like eating rabbit and my mother decided that I was being difficult and was having none of that. So she told me that what I had on my plate was a chicken leg. I told her it tasted really funny and she replied "That's because I cooked it without the skin". I bought it and finished it all.
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8points
#153
My mom told me that if I get angry I will get old. Then she pointed at an old lady and said 'look at her, last week she was just the same age as you and now she’s 70 years old', so I held my anger in FOR YEARS.
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8points
#154
I told a kid that the human body only has so many words until it runs out and then you die. That's why old people slur their words more, because they are running out. It's a lot of words, millions, but don't waste them when you're a child. They didn't talk for the rest of the day.
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8points
#155
I told a kid that a car was essentially four unicycles lashed together, and there were really small people peddling at super high speed.
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8points
#156
To keep my sister and I busy my mom would tell us if we could kiss our elbow we would turn into the opposite sex.
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8points
#157
If i didn't stop biting my nails they would get infected and i would have to get tiny needles in my fingers. I hated needles. Still do.
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7points
#158
"You have to wear your pants because if you don't we will have to move to a different city where naked people live..."
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7points
#159
My mom told me that redbull was alcohol because she did not want me to drink it.
7points
#160
My Dad told me that if I take a spoonful of vinegar while closing my eyes, I can see heaven. I really believed him, so I tried it.
7points