Telling little white lies to your child every now and then is certainly not a bad thing. In some cases, namely, that of Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy, bending the truth can inspire a sense of wonder in a kid's mind - and keep them on their best behavior if they know presents under the tree are at stake. Other times, these little lies are simply the only way to get stubborn, critical young minds to move in the right direction.
Using "alternative facts" in raising kids, however, can occasionally misfire. If your young detective catches you in a lie, you're in hot water. "Kids globalize and say, ‘My parent is a liar. Are they also lying about loving me?’" Canadian parenting expert Alyson Schafer told The Washington Post in 2015. On the importance of owning up to your funny lies, and making up for it, though, she added that “making a mistake gracefully is a really important parenting skill.”
In other words, as long as you make sure to backtrack and let them know that eating watermelon seeds won't actually turn them into a watermelon before they make it to high school, you're in the clear. A heartfelt apology and an ice cream cone also never hurt anyone.
Check out some of the most clever and funny things to say to your kids below, and if you still need more inspiration, you can find our previous post on this here. Also, don't forget to add yours to the list!
#81
My mom told my younger siblings that when they tell a lie, they would grow "lie bumps" on their tongue. For years, any time she suspected they were lying, she just had to say "Let me see your tongue." Made it much easier to solve arguments where they both blamed each other.
Unknown
Report21points
#82
When I was little, my mom told me Saltine crackers were called cookies. I loved ‘cookies’ and legitimately thought they were Saltine crackers for longer than I am willing to admit on the internet. One day I had a real cookie at a friend's house and knew instantly I had been hoodwinked! Luckily, my mom made delicious chocolate chip cookies to make up for the deception.
Unknown
Report21points
#83
Living on the West Coast, my friend would show the East Coast feed of the NYE count down to her kiddos. They were always in bed by nine. Brilliant.
Report
21points
#84
My dad convinced me that our last name literally translated to 'of Caesar' and that we were direct descendant of the rulers of Rome. I felt like a badass until I started taking Latin classes in middle school.
Unknown
Report21points
#85
Santa had birds that watched me 365 days a year, and every child starts with 365 presents and every time you're bad his elves throw a present in the fire....
Now I was bad but not 358 presents worth of bad.
Now I was bad but not 358 presents worth of bad.
Report
21points
#87
My friend's dad when he was little: "Hey buddy, have you been pushing your nipples in every night?"
"W-what?"
"You haven't been pushing them in?"
"Why would I need to?!"
"You know how mommy looks different? She has boobs, right?"
"Yes..."
"And men don't. Because we push our nipples in at night. But you haven't been"
Commence panic that lasts for several months...
"W-what?"
"You haven't been pushing them in?"
"Why would I need to?!"
"You know how mommy looks different? She has boobs, right?"
"Yes..."
"And men don't. Because we push our nipples in at night. But you haven't been"
Commence panic that lasts for several months...
Report
20points
#89
My Dad told me when I was really little that graveyards were just people farms
Report
19points
#90
I was told that if a centipede counted my teeth I would die. To this day, I close my mouth when I see a centipede. I'm over 40 years old.
Report
19points
#91
As a kid my dad convinced me there was a species of mountain goat that had evolved with longer legs on one side so it could balance on steep slopes... I was a dumbass as a kid...
Report
19points
#92
I told him all kid shows go to sleep at 8 just like him, and we have a timer set at 8 to turn the TV off automatically
Unknown
Report18points
#93
If you don't learn how to read, your voice disappears. This one worked surprisingly well, because my son came down with strep and it freaked him the f*ck out.
Report
18points
#94
"If you don't wash your hands before you eat, your food will start to taste like poop."
Report
18points
#95
That Santa uses Christmas trees as spy beacons to make sure children aren't being naughty.
Report
18points
#96
my mother told me i have to drink my milk everyday so i would get nice boobs....i have a D now!!
i tell my daughter she had to eat her broccoli for princess hair, carrots for my little pony eyes. she does not need big boobs i think....they just get in the way...thanks mom!
i tell my daughter she had to eat her broccoli for princess hair, carrots for my little pony eyes. she does not need big boobs i think....they just get in the way...thanks mom!
18points
#97
"If you don't wipe your butt properly, it'll close up and you'll have to spit out your poop."
Report
16points
#98
My mom used to tell me that 7-Eleven wasn't open until 11am.
Missed out on many a' slurpee.
Missed out on many a' slurpee.
Report
16points
#99
My kids have no concept of what coal is, so telling them Santa would leave it in their stocking was more work than it was worth. Instead I told them if they were naughty, Santa would let the reindeer poop in there.
Report
16points
#100
As a kid I put a tooth in a plastic bag and slid it under my pillow for the tooth fairy. When my parents forgot to put money under my pillow, my dad said, 'You shouldn't have put the tooth in a bag. The tooth fairy couldn't smell it.
Unknown
Report16points