Telling little white lies to your child every now and then is certainly not a bad thing. In some cases, namely, that of Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy, bending the truth can inspire a sense of wonder in a kid's mind - and keep them on their best behavior if they know presents under the tree are at stake. Other times, these little lies are simply the only way to get stubborn, critical young minds to move in the right direction.
Using "alternative facts" in raising kids, however, can occasionally misfire. If your young detective catches you in a lie, you're in hot water. "Kids globalize and say, ‘My parent is a liar. Are they also lying about loving me?’" Canadian parenting expert Alyson Schafer told The Washington Post in 2015. On the importance of owning up to your funny lies, and making up for it, though, she added that “making a mistake gracefully is a really important parenting skill.”
In other words, as long as you make sure to backtrack and let them know that eating watermelon seeds won't actually turn them into a watermelon before they make it to high school, you're in the clear. A heartfelt apology and an ice cream cone also never hurt anyone.
Check out some of the most clever and funny things to say to your kids below, and if you still need more inspiration, you can find our previous post on this here. Also, don't forget to add yours to the list!
#41
My mother told me that our house wasn’t haunted because ghosts were too expensive and we couldn’t afford them.
Report
59points
#42
My kids are convinced that they have a long lost brother somewhere that I dropped off because he was too loud in the car. I am sure they will figure it out but for the time being our road trips are very quiet and peaceful.
Unknown
Report58points
#43
The rumble strips on the highway are for the blind drivers. Took me seven years to realize. Well played, Dad.
Report
56points
#44
When I was about six, I was obsessed with the song "Believe" by Cher and I would have it on repeat for hours at a time. We would drive nine hours from Washington to Idaho to visit family and as soon as we crossed the state line my mother would immediately change my CD to radio and tell me it was illegal to listen to anything but country music in Idaho – which I hated but she loved. I believed that shit until I was about 13.
Report
56points
#45
I told my kids that if they didn't behave while waiting in the drive-thru line, they'd get a Sad Meal.
Unknown
Report52points
#46
When they want something that is beyond reason, I tell them they can have it if they kiss their elbow.
My 9 and 7-year-old daughters are over it but my 5-year-old son still tries like his life depends on it.
My 9 and 7-year-old daughters are over it but my 5-year-old son still tries like his life depends on it.
Report
52points
#47
A friend allows her little kids to watch 1 hour of TV a day. Where their hour is up, she turns off the TV's power bar without them noticing and tells them "the TV's empty" which they believe because the remote no longer works.
Report
51points
#48
My dad used to tell me that Santa was tired of cookies and milk and that he wanted Doritos and beer. That went on for years.
Unknown
Report49points
#49
I was told that the reason why I had so many nose bleeds was because I had too much blood in my body. I found out that this wasn't the case when I was 18 years old and had a nose bleed at a friend's house. My friend's mother asked me if I was OK and I told her I was fine and that I just has too much blood in my body. She couldn't stop howling with laughter.
Report
49points
#50
My mom had me believe that she was 21 for the longest time, so when I was around 10 I asked 'when are you going to turn 22?'
Report
48points
#51
When I was younger I drew a picture of an alien and I gave him a butt. I showed it to my dad and he told me drawing butts was illegal, so I quickly changed it. I remember reading Captain Underpants and being so confused how the author got it past the government.
Report
47points
#52
I'm Chinese. My mom told me that for every grain of rice I waste would indicate the number of "dents" on my face when I grow up.
From then on, even when I dropped a grain of rice on the floor, I would eat it. Never wasted a grain of rice ever again.
From then on, even when I dropped a grain of rice on the floor, I would eat it. Never wasted a grain of rice ever again.
Report
43points
#53
My mom told my sister that they only named hurricanes after girls otherwise they would be himicanes.
Report
43points
#54
My flatmate grew up on a farm and was told by her parents that their TV only worked when it rained. She believed this for far, far too long.
Report
42points
#55
I dated a dude once who didn't find out until he was a teenager that you can actually eat more than one marshmallow a day. His parents told him that if you ate more than one they would expand in your stomach and kill you. I think he ate a lot of marshmallows after that.
Report
42points
#56
My parents told us that on Christmas morning, if we looked or touched our presents before 7am then magic would make them disappear and we wouldn't get them. I believed this for far too long and even after I knew, I was still nervous to touch them incase they disappeared.
Report
41points
#57
When I was little, my FAVOURITE restaurant was this one diner. My grandmother was coming into town, so naturally I wanted to take her to the diner. I asked my dad if we could go and he said that old people weren't allowed there. Obviously I found this totally offensive so I decided to boycott the place and never went back!
Report
41points
#58
I was once asked why a tree on my street was painted white. My dad said, "The government does that to show kids how far they can walk down the street without a parent."
Report
41points
#59
When I was a kid, I asked my father what it means if your 2nd toe is longer than your big toe. His answer: "It means that your great grandmother was a woman." I was satisfied with that answer at the time, but realized it was bullshit long before I became a doctor.
37points
#60
My mother had me convinced that you had to say "open door" in order for automatic doors to open. I didn't think I realized that they opened automatically until I was like, eight.
Report
36points