Telling little white lies to your child every now and then is certainly not a bad thing. In some cases, namely, that of Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy, bending the truth can inspire a sense of wonder in a kid's mind - and keep them on their best behavior if they know presents under the tree are at stake. Other times, these little lies are simply the only way to get stubborn, critical young minds to move in the right direction.
Using "alternative facts" in raising kids, however, can occasionally misfire. If your young detective catches you in a lie, you're in hot water. "Kids globalize and say, ‘My parent is a liar. Are they also lying about loving me?’" Canadian parenting expert Alyson Schafer told The Washington Post in 2015. On the importance of owning up to your funny lies, and making up for it, though, she added that “making a mistake gracefully is a really important parenting skill.”
In other words, as long as you make sure to backtrack and let them know that eating watermelon seeds won't actually turn them into a watermelon before they make it to high school, you're in the clear. A heartfelt apology and an ice cream cone also never hurt anyone.
Check out some of the most clever and funny things to say to your kids below, and if you still need more inspiration, you can find our previous post on this here. Also, don't forget to add yours to the list!
#21
My dad always told me, that if I press a certain button on our remote control our tv would explode. As I grew older, I was curious and pressed said button only to see he saved porn channels on this one
Report
99points
#22
One time when we were visiting relatives in the UK, I was playing outside and a bee got near me and I freaked out. Mom off-handedly said, 'It's OK, honey, British bees don't sting' to get me to calm down. Fast-forward ten years, when as a teenager I repeated that fact within earshot of my mom, and she said 'Who told you such a stupid thing?' You did, Mother. You did.
Report
97points
#23
"We have to leave the zoo now. The zookeeper called my cellphone and your crying is upsetting the animals."
Report
94points
#25
My father always said the animals on the side of the road were just taking a nap since the road was warm.
Report
87points
#26
My dad used to tell us that if we lay perfectly still in the backyard for long enough then vultures would circle us and then land to try and eat us. My brother and I would lay silently in the backyard for hours while my dad sat inside watching TV and drinking beer. Well played dad....well played.
Report
84points
#27
If I eat my green beans then I will turn into the Green PowerRanger when I am older. THAT NEVER HAPPENED MOM!
Report
79points
#28
My dad said Pulp Fiction was a documentary about oranges so that I wouldn't want to watch it.
Unknown
Report74points
#29
My dad would never tell us what he really did for a living. He’d always say 'I used to paint the spots on dalmatian dogs, but I got really good and now I paint the spots on ladybirds.’ I believed him for a good couple of years.
Report
74points
#30
Story time: In kindergarten a girl told me what sex was. She told me incorrectly so I had a bunch of questions. I walked up to my mom and said "mom, I know what sex is." she sort of panicked and said "ok" I responded "I just dont understand how you know when you are done?" (I am a girl and didnt understand the concept of ejaculation) so my mom looked me straight in the face and said "You set a kitchen timer."
and. she. never. f*cking. told. me. the. truth.
I found out in high school.
and. she. never. f*cking. told. me. the. truth.
I found out in high school.
Report
74points
#31
My mom told my brother and I that a penguin lived behind the fridge, and if we left the door open too long we'd steal his cold and he'd get mad and come out and bite us. It worked on my brother. I asked my mom to move the fridge so I could pet the penguin.
Report
71points
#32
The car won’t start if your seat belt isn’t on.
Unknown
Report70points
#33
I refused to eat eggs when I was younger. The only way my mum could get me to eat them would be to draw green and purple spots on them and tell me they were dinosaur eggs. Apparently I thought dinosaur eggs were delicious.
Report
68points
#34
That if I misbehaved in the car, the car would be sad (I think I was 5 or something). Fast forward a year and I'm tearfully telling the car that I'm sorry he has to go, but I'm sure he'll be a cool plane in his next life.
Report
67points
#35
"I want to carry you but the doctor said your legs would stop growing if you didn't walk."
Report
67points
#36
"If you pee in the pool, you'll get the girls pregnant and have to get a job."
Report
66points
#37
As a child, I used to have the worst luck. whenever my sister and I would have froot loops, she only got a couple brown ones, and almost my whole bowl was brown froot loops!
the first time I poured my own froot loops, I actually considered that god might be real, and that he might be trying to reward me for something. I didn't get a single brown froot loop!
when I told my mom, she admitted there was no such thing as brown froot loops and that she had been giving me bowls of cheerios because I'm diabetic.
the first time I poured my own froot loops, I actually considered that god might be real, and that he might be trying to reward me for something. I didn't get a single brown froot loop!
when I told my mom, she admitted there was no such thing as brown froot loops and that she had been giving me bowls of cheerios because I'm diabetic.
Report
65points
#38
I was made to believe that the city of Amsterdam was actually called Hamster Jam.
Report
64points
#39
I told both of my kids that the ice cream truck was the "music truck." It's purpose was to drive around and cheer up all the sad people.
Report
63points
#40
A trick my mom used to get us out of her hair was "You can catch a bird by putting salt on its tail". I'd spend hours running around the yard with a salt shaker, looking like a damn fool. I tried this trick on my son and he just looked at me like I was nuts
Report
61points