Telling little white lies to your child every now and then is certainly not a bad thing. In some cases, namely, that of Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy, bending the truth can inspire a sense of wonder in a kid's mind - and keep them on their best behavior if they know presents under the tree are at stake. Other times, these little lies are simply the only way to get stubborn, critical young minds to move in the right direction.
Using "alternative facts" in raising kids, however, can occasionally misfire. If your young detective catches you in a lie, you're in hot water. "Kids globalize and say, ‘My parent is a liar. Are they also lying about loving me?’" Canadian parenting expert Alyson Schafer told The Washington Post in 2015. On the importance of owning up to your funny lies, and making up for it, though, she added that “making a mistake gracefully is a really important parenting skill.”
In other words, as long as you make sure to backtrack and let them know that eating watermelon seeds won't actually turn them into a watermelon before they make it to high school, you're in the clear. A heartfelt apology and an ice cream cone also never hurt anyone.
Check out some of the most clever and funny things to say to your kids below, and if you still need more inspiration, you can find our previous post on this here. Also, don't forget to add yours to the list!
#221
I've told my son that the shower automatically stops when he is clean enough. He doesn't know about the 3 second delay after pressing the button and has never seen me press the button either
2points
#222
I told once my three year old boy that women didn't fart. Whenever he felt one was out, he always blamed daddy or another men. It lasted until he was nine!
2points
#223
My mom told me the reason she doesn't have earlobes is because she's from Mars. I was sceptical, but my brother believed her completely.
2points
#224
"If you wander off, the boogie man will kill you and make sausage out of you."
My grandmother, to me. Couldn't eat sausage until I was 13 and realized that there was no way that was true.
My grandmother, to me. Couldn't eat sausage until I was 13 and realized that there was no way that was true.
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1point
#225
"Dragonflies are called sewer bugs and they sew your mouth shut when you lie."
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1point
#226
We convince my son that mommies didn't have bellybuttons when they had babies because kept trying to look at mine and his grandmother's. But his Aunt didn't have kids so she was fair game!!! Best time my mom and I ever had that summer was watching her run from him so he wouldn't yank her shirt up in public!!!
1point
#227
My dad told me that if I'd sleep on my belly my boobs wouldn't grow... I tried to sleep on my back and was checking my chest when I would wake up on my belly.
1point
#228
Asked my mom when I was a kid, "How do actors /actresses cry in movies so easily?"she told me that "when in the back they watch sad movies that make them cry". I believed that for awhile.
1point
#229
I would only eat "Japanese" mushrooms! My family was eating soup out one day and I refused to eat it because there were mushrooms in it- until I was convinced they were Japanese mushrooms! Game changer
1point
#230
My dad would drive us by the lumber yard in the evening just as it was getting dark. There were storage units with chain link fences on them. He would tell us gorillas lived in there. Oh God, it would make us cry, like snot-faced boo hooing. I'm an adult and it still freaked me out until a few years ago.
1point
#231
When I was little I used to play in the street with my friends until it was very dark . To make me come home earlier my mom told me that a witch will catch me if I stay in the street when it's dark . That shit worked for years because we used to play in front of a house where an old lady lived . She was almost always dressed in black so I used to think she was a witch and run home everytime I see her
1point
#232
I was told that if I swallowed chewing gum, everytime I inhale the gum would inflate into a balloon, and when I exhale it would deflate. Then if it popped I would die. For years if I accidently swallowed gum, I would breathe extra carefully hoping I don't die.
1point
#233
When I was around 8-9 I didn’t want to spend time in the garden. That is why Mom came up with the argument that Madonna had such figure and strong arms only because she was hoeing potatoes. And that’s how I ended up with the hoe in my hand, refusing to take a rest.
1point
#234
I own a liquid nitrogen tank and had my nephews convinced for years that I made clouds. Pouring the liquid out on the ground produces copious amounts of vapor. They were always duly impressed.
1point
#235
My dad is a die-hard Aggie fan. He taught me when I was 3 that the color orange was actually yellow and yellow was orange. When I was in kindergarten learning colors I kept calling orange and yellow each other's color. My teacher got so concerned she called my mom and my mom had to explain what my dad did. Everyone thought it was hilarious except me.
1point
#236
When the twins were very young we would go to the beach.
As a flight of pelicans flew by, I'd tell them "I'm getting out my invisible shotgun!" and hold my arms up as if I had a gun. Having observed pelicans for years, I could tell when they were going to dive for fish. I'd make a huge "BANG!" as they all fell from the sky into the water. They were amazed and saddened by my feat...I'd tell them "they're OK"....and repeat the process for the next flight of pelicans.
As a flight of pelicans flew by, I'd tell them "I'm getting out my invisible shotgun!" and hold my arms up as if I had a gun. Having observed pelicans for years, I could tell when they were going to dive for fish. I'd make a huge "BANG!" as they all fell from the sky into the water. They were amazed and saddened by my feat...I'd tell them "they're OK"....and repeat the process for the next flight of pelicans.
1point
#237
Our youngest daughter was born on ANZAC Day (a public holiday in Australia) and I told her that everyone had a holiday because it was her Birthday - she believed it for at least 2 years.
1point
#238
I had just learned to make coherent sentences, but I was also extremely gullible. My dad lost his voice and was sick at home with laryngitis, he ushered me over and convinced me that he had lost his voice in the basement, and promptly asked me to find it. I searched for his voice for 20 minutes before coming upstairs and asking: " Papa, are you tricking me?" He told me he was sure, and I rushed back to uncover his missing voice.
1point
#239
Whenever my mother knew we were lying, she'd say a "mommy dot" would appear somewhere on our face. So whenever one of us would lie, we'd try to cover every inch of our face.
1point
#240
Whenever trains would stop in a seemingly random place with no station, my Dad would tell me they were just changing the tyres.
Believed that for an embarrassingly long time.
1point