Hello and welcome to our latest edition in the jokes section. This time, the topic is the epitome of all hospital jokes, the winner in all the medical jokes categories, and something that is even spicier than doctor jokes themselves. Are you ready to guess the topic here? Sure you are - it’s nurse jokes! Jokes dedicated to probably the most dedicated people in medicine who are worthy of nothing else but high praise!
As you’re about to see, these aren’t exactly jokes about nurses but rather jokes for nurses. We just couldn’t bear to make even the friendliest kind of fun of these specialists who saw us through the last couple of years of the pandemic with relentless heroism, saving tens of thousands of lives. Thus, this compilation of funny nurse jokes is more for them rather than about them. A way to pay our respects and provide at least the tiniest bit of comedic relief in their day. And we’ve set the bar for ourselves pretty high here, so hopefully, these hilarious jokes will fulfill their mission!
However, even if you’re not a nurse yourself, chances are you’ll also find these jokes quite amusing. All you have to do is scroll on down to check them out and then give the best jokes your vote! Lastly, share this article with your friends and anyone to whom these jokes might be of concern.
#81
What did the nurse say when a patient said, “I have swallowed a spoon”?
“Sit down, and please don’t stir.”
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#82
What did the rope say to the nurse?
I have an appointment with the doctor; I have a knot in my stomach.
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#83
What did the nurse say when a patient said he swallowed a watch?
"These medicines will help pass the time."
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#84
What did the nurse say to the patient’s family?
“I didn’t have the heart to tell you that the doctor wasn’t able to get the organ donor yesterday.”
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#85
What did the mattress say to the nurse?
I think I have spring fever.
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#86
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Urine.
Urine who?
Urine in trouble if you forget to do the bedside report.
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#87
After my wife had given birth to our baby, the nurse asked me, “Do you have a name yet?”
I replied proudly, “Yes, Steve!”
She squealed, “Awww! That’s a lovely name!”
“Thanks!” I said. “But what do you think we should call the baby!?”
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#88
A man walks into a bar, ends up getting into a horrible bar fight and is lying on the floor injured.
“Don’t worry,” says the bartender, “a Red Cross nurse is in the building and is coming to help you.”
“Oh no,” groans the victim, “couldn’t I have a blonde, cheerful one?”
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#89
A man was hospitalized for 3 weeks. During this time he fell in love with the young pretty nurse.
He wrote her a note, “You have stolen my heart”.
The young nurse in panic responded, “No sir, we have stolen your kidney, haven’t touched your heart.”
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#90
"I got my 3rd shot today. I asked my nurse if she knew what the chair I sat in was called… I told her... it’s a booster seat."
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#91
A nurse caring for a man from Kentucky asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”
“It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
The nurse asked to see the jelly and the man pointed at the bedside table. Oh yeah, it’s a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
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#92
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, “Well, that’s great…some asshole’s got my pen!”
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#93
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the nurse queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
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#94
Knock, knock!
Who is there?
Night shift.
Night shift who?
Um, nevermind, it's not that important, it can wait till dayshift.
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#95
What were the two nursing students discussing while doing their homework on biochemistry?
One of them said, "Barium is what doctors do when their patients die."
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#96
What did the new night nurse reply when the senior nurse asked her about nitrates?
"Are they cheaper in comparison to day rates?"
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#97
What happened to the kid who accidentally swallowed a pen?
The nurse asked him to use a pencil until the doctor arrives and see him.
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#98
What did the nursing student ask when the teacher started teaching about D&C?
"Is this chapter about where Washington is?"
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#99
What is the main commonality between a nurse and an elf that works at the North pole?
Both of them work the whole year, but another person gets all the credit.
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#100
What kind of nurse does not require any equipment to draw blood?
Nurseferatu.
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