You know how they say that laughter prolongs life? Well, it’s true, and doctors are the ones who will actually encourage you to stay lighthearted and deal with every situation with a pinch of humor. That doesn’t mean ignoring your health though. Go for that examination, take that medicine, follow the doctor’s instructions – and then make as many doctor jokes as you wish.
Doctors themselves have a great, if a little morbid, sense of humor. No one can crack hospital jokes like medical professionals. With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift.
If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. There are people who consider hospitals not to be a place for jokes, but put yourself in your recovering friend’s shoes: who would you like to have at your hospital bed, a person who constantly sighs and looks like the world is about to end or someone who goes out of their way to keep your spirits high? Yeah, I thought so too. Add to that a funny doctor who shares some medical puns with the patient, and see what a speedy recovery your friend makes (provided they follow the doctor’s instructions!).
Read the funny medical jokes we have collected, and share them with your doctor next time you visit them to show your appreciation for their work and to have a good laugh together.
#121
A doctor turns to his patient and says, “Turns out, you have acute appendicitis.”
The patient blushed and replied, “Compared to who?”
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#122
"Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself."
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#123
A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.
“I hurt all over,” she said.
“What do you mean all over?” the doctor asked, “Can you be a little more specific?”
The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then her nose and yelled again, “Ouch! That also hurts.” Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, “Even that hurts doc.”
After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion… the woman had a broken finger.
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#124
Patient: “Hey doc, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.”
Doctor: “No worries here, that won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia.”
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#125
A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.
His boss asks him, “Jeez, what happened to your ears?”
“Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and I accidentally answered the iron.”
“Well, that explains one ear,” the boss replied, “but what about the other one?”
“I had to call the doctor!”
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#126
A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks what’s wrong.
“I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes,” the man complains.
“Have you ever seen a doctor?” she asks.
“No, just spots ma’am.”
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#127
One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long they’ve persisted. The vet interrupted him by saying, “Look, I’m a vet. I don’t have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. I can tell what’s wrong just by looking at them— why can’t you?”
The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. After he handed it to her, he said, “I figured it out, so good news patient, well here’s your prescription. Of course, if that doesn’t work then we’ll just have to put you down.”
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#128
Why did the mattress go to the doctors?
It had a spring fever.
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#129
Patient: "Doctor, I’ve got a month to feed. You sent me a bill for $1,000. I can’t pay that before the end of the month!”
Doctor: “OK, then you have six months to live.”
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#130
Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
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#131
Husband: “The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
Wife: “And did he?”
Husband: “Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”
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#132
What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?
“Time to get your booster shot!”
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#133
Patient: “I always see spots before my eyes.”
Doctor: “Didn’t the new glasses help?”
Patient: “Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.”
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#134
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
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#135
Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?
He kept feeling jumpy.
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#136
Why did the rope go to the doctor?
It had a knot in its stomach.
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#137
Patient: "Doctor, I’m hearing a ringing sound?"
Doctor: "Then answer the phone."
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#138
Why did the bucket go to the doctor?
He had a pail face.
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#139
A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve got the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, Doctor?”
“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “No… but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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#140
"When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance."
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