You know how they say that laughter prolongs life? Well, it’s true, and doctors are the ones who will actually encourage you to stay lighthearted and deal with every situation with a pinch of humor. That doesn’t mean ignoring your health though. Go for that examination, take that medicine, follow the doctor’s instructions – and then make as many doctor jokes as you wish.
Doctors themselves have a great, if a little morbid, sense of humor. No one can crack hospital jokes like medical professionals. With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift.
If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. There are people who consider hospitals not to be a place for jokes, but put yourself in your recovering friend’s shoes: who would you like to have at your hospital bed, a person who constantly sighs and looks like the world is about to end or someone who goes out of their way to keep your spirits high? Yeah, I thought so too. Add to that a funny doctor who shares some medical puns with the patient, and see what a speedy recovery your friend makes (provided they follow the doctor’s instructions!).
Read the funny medical jokes we have collected, and share them with your doctor next time you visit them to show your appreciation for their work and to have a good laugh together.
#21
Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?
Only if you aim it well enough!
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#22
What don’t you want to hear in the middle of surgery?
“Where’s my watch?”
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#23
Doctor’s son: “Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.”
Doctor’s father: “Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly.”
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#24
A skeleton went to the doctor.
The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, “Aren’t you a little late?”
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#25
How did the doctor cure the invisible man?
He took him to the ICU.
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#26
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
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#27
A doctor says, "The good news is it's all in your head."
"The bad news is it's brain cancer."
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#28
A man takes his wife to get tested.
Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.
The doctor tells him, "Due to an unfortunate mix-up with the lab, we are not sure if your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer"
The man, clearly frustrated, asks, "Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?"
The doctor calmly suggests, "I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in."
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#29
"I went to the doctors yesterday and unfortunately he told me I lost 20% of my sight. Sigh..."
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#30
How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?
“Urology office — can you hold?”
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#31
What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?
A little plaque.
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#32
Doctor: “Mr. Jones, you may want to sit down. I have some bad news and some very bad news… which would you like to hear first?”
Mr. Jones: “Oh jeez, I guess I’ll take the bad news first.”
Doctor: “The bad news” doctor notes, “is that I got your test results, and you have 24 hours to live.”
Mr. Jones: “What?!” the man goes, “How could there possibly be worse news than that?!”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”
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#33
A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, “Hello, I want to know if there’s any sign that a patient is improving at all.”
The receptionist asks, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”
“Of course,” the woman replied, “Sarah Finkel, Room 304.”
The receptionist responds by saying, “Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!”
“That’s fantastic,” the woman replied, “oh, I’m so thrilled!”
“From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?”
The woman replied, “I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Dr. Cohen doesn’t tell me a word.”
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#34
A patient went to their optometrist and said, “Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. Any idea what it could be?”
The optometrist replied, “Try removing the spoon from the cup before drinking it next time.”
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#35
Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side?
No worries, I hear he’s all right now!
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#36
Nurse: “Doctor, there’s a patient on line one who says he’s invisible.”
Doctor: “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
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#37
Patient: “Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.”
Doctor: “You can pay by cash, check, or money order.”
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#38
"I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind."
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#39
"My dermatologist was fired today. I’m told he made too many rash decisions."
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#40
My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.
I replied, "Yes just once."
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
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