Lawyers aren't funny. Except for, maybe, Saul Goodman, but he's more of a crook than a lawyer, which leaves nobody to rely on for entertainment in the world of law. Without getting too much into stereotypes, I think we can all agree that lawyers usually have a sense of humor that's as dry as an asphalt road over the driest place on earth, which is Kufra, Libya. That dry. Moreover, they usually seem pretty soulless - a perk for their job, but a con in real life - and unempathetic, which makes them seem, well, a bit inhuman. Again, those are just personal observations and agreed-upon stereotypes, and there's always an exception to the rule, but, as you are about to see, our collection of lawyer jokes is mainly based on exactly those three qualities. And you know what they say - there's always a grain of truth in every joke!
If we've agreed that lawyers' humor is usually pretty dry, you won't, however, find anything dry and bitter about these hilarious jokes! In fact, it seems that the stiffer the topic, the funnier the jokes come out to be. And law jokes are a really good example of the theory - they're anything but bland, boring, and bleak but rather the nicest combo of ironic, bittersweet, and clever. Just try and read them without smirking!
So, if you are ready, let us present you with our directory of only the best lawyer jokes found on the internet. If you wish to, add in your own silly jokes in the comments section, I guess we all have a few of those stashed somewhere when it comes to law! Also, do not forget to give your vote to the nicest jokes you find and share this article with other law-abiding citizens that you know.
#121
Warning signs you might need a different lawyer:
– Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser. – When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
– Your lawyer picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
– Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
– A prison guard is shaving your head.
– Your lawyer picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
– Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
– A prison guard is shaving your head.
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#122
Two lawyers went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and then exchanged sandwiches.
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#123
Two lawyers went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and then exchanged sandwiches.
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#124
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?” “I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. “It was easy,” said the patient, “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”
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#125

What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
The tick falls off when you are dead.
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#126
A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared he was losing the case and asked his senior partner if he should send a box of cigars to the judge to curry favor. The senior partner was horrified. “A judge is an honorable man,” he said, “If you do that, I guarantee you’ll lose the case!”
Eventually, the judge ruled in the young lawyer's favor. “Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars?” the senior partner asked. “Oh, I did send them,” the younger lawyer replied. “I just enclosed my opponent's business card with them.”
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#127
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got £25 between us.” The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers, we had £100 when we broke in!”
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#128
A lawyer passed on and found himself in heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodation. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only option was to appeal. The lawyer immediately said that he intended to appeal, but was then told he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The lawyer protested that a three-year wait was ridiculous, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days if the lawyer was willing to change the venue to Hell. When the lawyer asked why appeals could be heard so much sooner in Hell, he was told, “We have all of the judges.”
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#129
A lawyer was sitting in his office late one night when Satan appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all your friends and law partners.” The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”
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#130

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
Their lips move.
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#131
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
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#132
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
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#133

Clowns are most commonly jailed for manslaughter.
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#134
A lawyer went to his local restaurant to wind down after a complicated trial. "What would you like with your orange juice?", the waiter asked. "Just ice", he replied.
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#135
For lunch, the lawyer worked on Cole's law.
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#136
My friend had to call his lawyer because his neighbor's hair was littered all over his property. Turns out, his neighbor got booked for trespassing.
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#137
My wife's parents ran away from the cops after having a hefty argument. They're now my out-laws.
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#138

A lawyer got summoned to court for drying his clothes on the edge of a cliff. The judge warned him and gave him a suspended sentence.
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#139

A lawyer got her last name changed to Demenor, so now everyone in the law office calls her Miss Demenor.
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#140
Why are lawyers always so charming?
Because they have their own appeal.
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