Lawyers aren't funny. Except for, maybe, Saul Goodman, but he's more of a crook than a lawyer, which leaves nobody to rely on for entertainment in the world of law. Without getting too much into stereotypes, I think we can all agree that lawyers usually have a sense of humor that's as dry as an asphalt road over the driest place on earth, which is Kufra, Libya. That dry. Moreover, they usually seem pretty soulless - a perk for their job, but a con in real life - and unempathetic, which makes them seem, well, a bit inhuman. Again, those are just personal observations and agreed-upon stereotypes, and there's always an exception to the rule, but, as you are about to see, our collection of lawyer jokes is mainly based on exactly those three qualities. And you know what they say - there's always a grain of truth in every joke!
If we've agreed that lawyers' humor is usually pretty dry, you won't, however, find anything dry and bitter about these hilarious jokes! In fact, it seems that the stiffer the topic, the funnier the jokes come out to be. And law jokes are a really good example of the theory - they're anything but bland, boring, and bleak but rather the nicest combo of ironic, bittersweet, and clever. Just try and read them without smirking!
So, if you are ready, let us present you with our directory of only the best lawyer jokes found on the internet. If you wish to, add in your own silly jokes in the comments section, I guess we all have a few of those stashed somewhere when it comes to law! Also, do not forget to give your vote to the nicest jokes you find and share this article with other law-abiding citizens that you know.
#81
A lawyer was apprehended outside of his house for not staying in bed, as mandated by the high court. "Stop, you're under a-rest", exclaimed the policeman.
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#82
The lawyer won the luggage lawsuit in less than 6 hours. It turned out to be a brief case.
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#83
My lawyer went to a rock concert last night and injured his eardrum. He called me this morning to tell me that he couldn't attend today's hearing.
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#84
The bulb was relieved when his lawyer told him that he'd only been charged with a light sentence.
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#85
The barrister was late to work because he couldn't find his lawsuit.
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#86
Why did the lawyer have so much trouble fighting Santa's case?
He came with a clause.
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#87
What did the divorce law student want to name his firm?
Null and void.
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#88
Why was the law student not allowed to sleep on the bench?
He was served a bench warrant.
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#89
Why did the law student not come back to court after paying his fees?
He didn't have a personal bond.
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#90
Why did the airline win the case against the law student?
He forgot his arguments in the brief.
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#91
Why is it illegal for lawyers to sleep with their clients?
It prevents people being charged twice for essentially the same service.
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#92
Why did God make rats before making lawyers?
He needed the practice.
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#93
Early one winter's morn a lawyer walks out to his front lawn and experiences the dew process.
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#94
Did you hear about the lawyer who sued the funeral company over the coffin?
It was an open and shut case.
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#95
As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
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#96
At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."
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#97
The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!" His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"
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#98
How many lawyer jokes are in existence?
Only three. All the rest are true stories.
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#99
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” “Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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#100
A millionaire informs his attorney, “I want a stipulation in my Will that my wife is to inherit everything, but only if she remarries within six months of my death.” “Why such an odd stipulation?” asked the attorney. “Because I want someone to be sorry I died!” came the reply.
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