Lawyers aren't funny. Except for, maybe, Saul Goodman, but he's more of a crook than a lawyer, which leaves nobody to rely on for entertainment in the world of law. Without getting too much into stereotypes, I think we can all agree that lawyers usually have a sense of humor that's as dry as an asphalt road over the driest place on earth, which is Kufra, Libya. That dry. Moreover, they usually seem pretty soulless - a perk for their job, but a con in real life - and unempathetic, which makes them seem, well, a bit inhuman. Again, those are just personal observations and agreed-upon stereotypes, and there's always an exception to the rule, but, as you are about to see, our collection of lawyer jokes is mainly based on exactly those three qualities. And you know what they say - there's always a grain of truth in every joke!
If we've agreed that lawyers' humor is usually pretty dry, you won't, however, find anything dry and bitter about these hilarious jokes! In fact, it seems that the stiffer the topic, the funnier the jokes come out to be. And law jokes are a really good example of the theory - they're anything but bland, boring, and bleak but rather the nicest combo of ironic, bittersweet, and clever. Just try and read them without smirking!
So, if you are ready, let us present you with our directory of only the best lawyer jokes found on the internet. If you wish to, add in your own silly jokes in the comments section, I guess we all have a few of those stashed somewhere when it comes to law! Also, do not forget to give your vote to the nicest jokes you find and share this article with other law-abiding citizens that you know.
#61
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. “Look,” said one, “Let’s be honest with each other." “Okay, you first,” replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.
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#62
Prosecutor: "What were you doing on July 15 at 9 o’clock in the evening?"
Prisoner: "I was eating a hamburger."
Prosecutor: "What were you doing at 9:30 p.m.?"
Prisoner: I was taking bicarbonate of soda.
Prosecutor: "Do you expect us to believe you?"
Prisoner: "You would if you had eaten one of those hamburgers."
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#63

What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.
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#64
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law.
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#65

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.
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#66
Why is it so common for attorneys to be lost in thought?
Unfamiliar territory.
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#67
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Not enough sand.
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#68

Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
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#69
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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#70
What do lawyers do after dates?
They lie still.
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#71

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, “I want to sue the airline.” “You don’t have much of a case,” he replied.
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#72
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, “Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.” The doctor decides he’ll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
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#73
A group of dinner guests was blaming all of America’s troubles on lawyers when a woman said, “They aren’t all so bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $1,000.” “I don’t believe it,” the host responded. “It’s true, I swear it,” said the woman. “I had a complicated personal injury case and what with the lawyer’s fee, the cost of expert witnesses, the expense of the appeal and so on, my bill was $41,000. When the judgment only amounted to $40,000, my lawyer simply forgave the difference.”
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#74

Lawyer: "May I approach the bench?"
Judge: "You may."
Lawyer: *walks up and whispers* "The other guy is being, like, super mean right now."
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#75
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty-four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
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#76
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It’s called Sosumi.
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#77

What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
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#78
What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?
A great place to start.
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#79
What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle?
The vacuum cleaner has a dirt bag on the inside.
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#80

Don't judge a law book by its cover up.
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