Lawyers aren't funny. Except for, maybe, Saul Goodman, but he's more of a crook than a lawyer, which leaves nobody to rely on for entertainment in the world of law. Without getting too much into stereotypes, I think we can all agree that lawyers usually have a sense of humor that's as dry as an asphalt road over the driest place on earth, which is Kufra, Libya. That dry. Moreover, they usually seem pretty soulless - a perk for their job, but a con in real life - and unempathetic, which makes them seem, well, a bit inhuman. Again, those are just personal observations and agreed-upon stereotypes, and there's always an exception to the rule, but, as you are about to see, our collection of lawyer jokes is mainly based on exactly those three qualities. And you know what they say - there's always a grain of truth in every joke!
If we've agreed that lawyers' humor is usually pretty dry, you won't, however, find anything dry and bitter about these hilarious jokes! In fact, it seems that the stiffer the topic, the funnier the jokes come out to be. And law jokes are a really good example of the theory - they're anything but bland, boring, and bleak but rather the nicest combo of ironic, bittersweet, and clever. Just try and read them without smirking!
So, if you are ready, let us present you with our directory of only the best lawyer jokes found on the internet. If you wish to, add in your own silly jokes in the comments section, I guess we all have a few of those stashed somewhere when it comes to law! Also, do not forget to give your vote to the nicest jokes you find and share this article with other law-abiding citizens that you know.
#41
When chickens graduate from law school they become legal tenders.
unknown
Report8points
#42
My friend, a lawyer, stole my tuxedo after my wedding. I'm filing a lawsuit against him tomorrow morning.
unknown
Report8points
#43
A photograph hurriedly rushed into his attorney's office and screamed, "I think someone is framing me!".
unknown
Report8points
#44
My father was a lawyer for 25 years before he went to culinary school. Now, he's a sue chef.
unknown
Report8points
#45
Alligators make good lawyers because they are efficient a-litigators.
unknown
Report8points
#46
Why did the elephant lawyer lose his case?
Because his argument was irrele-phant.
unknown
Report8points
#47
What did the lawyer do to get convicted of first-degree murder?
Start his free trial.
unknown
Report8points
#48
What do barristers always keep with themselves to smell good?
A judge-mint.
unknown
Report8points
#49
Why did the law student go to court wearing a shirt with no sleeves?
Because he had the right to bare arms.
unknown
Report8points
#50
What do law students need to make any event a success?
At least two parties.
unknown
Report8points
#51
Why didn't the shabby law student pass his final exams?
He didn't make a good appearance.
unknown
Report8points
#52
How did the young law student end up scoring the best grades in her class?
She closely studied her flaws.
unknown
Report8points
#53
A lawyer was holding his briefcase whilst cross-examining the witness, eventually, he rested his case.
unknown
Report8points
#54
A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your timesheets."
unknown
Report7points
#55
One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind, and seeds, anything hereinbefore or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding."
The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind, and seeds, anything hereinbefore or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding."
unknown
Report7points
#56
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
"Sue!"
unknown
Report7points
#57
The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” asks the accused. “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.” “What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is 130.”
unknown
Report7points
#58
A defendant who had pleaded guilty saw the jury that had been empaneled, and he announced that he was changing his plea to guilty. When the judge asked why, the defendant pointed to the eight women and four men in the jury box. “When I pleaded ‘not guilty,’ I didn’t know women would be on the jury. Judge, I can’t fool even one woman, so I know I can’t fool eight of them.”
unknown
Report7points
#59
Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling with a pig in mud — sooner or later, you realize they like it.
unknown
Report7points
#60
A man was sent to hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having sex with a beautiful woman. “What a rip-off,” the man muttered. “I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer spends it with that gorgeous woman.” Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, “Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”
unknown
Report7points
