Lawyers aren't funny. Except for, maybe, Saul Goodman, but he's more of a crook than a lawyer, which leaves nobody to rely on for entertainment in the world of law. Without getting too much into stereotypes, I think we can all agree that lawyers usually have a sense of humor that's as dry as an asphalt road over the driest place on earth, which is Kufra, Libya. That dry. Moreover, they usually seem pretty soulless - a perk for their job, but a con in real life - and unempathetic, which makes them seem, well, a bit inhuman. Again, those are just personal observations and agreed-upon stereotypes, and there's always an exception to the rule, but, as you are about to see, our collection of lawyer jokes is mainly based on exactly those three qualities. And you know what they say - there's always a grain of truth in every joke!
If we've agreed that lawyers' humor is usually pretty dry, you won't, however, find anything dry and bitter about these hilarious jokes! In fact, it seems that the stiffer the topic, the funnier the jokes come out to be. And law jokes are a really good example of the theory - they're anything but bland, boring, and bleak but rather the nicest combo of ironic, bittersweet, and clever. Just try and read them without smirking!
So, if you are ready, let us present you with our directory of only the best lawyer jokes found on the internet. If you wish to, add in your own silly jokes in the comments section, I guess we all have a few of those stashed somewhere when it comes to law! Also, do not forget to give your vote to the nicest jokes you find and share this article with other law-abiding citizens that you know.
#21
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course — the other three are mythological creatures.
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#22
How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say, “Fees!”
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#23
What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances?
Retired.
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#24
What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman Pinscher.
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#25
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
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#26
The semicolon who committed the neighborhood robberies was administered two consecutive sentences by the lawyer.
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#27
The golden retriever didn't make any money at his first law firm. He only worked on pro-bone-o cases.
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#28
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said. 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
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#29
What happened to the banker who went to law school?
Now she’s a loan shark.
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#30
What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common? Both have a big head that consists mainly of mouth.
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#31
Why don’t lawyers play hide-and-seek?
Nobody will look for them.
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#32
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can’t understand.
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#33
My attorneys have advised me I not yell timber, even if it’s going down.
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#34
Having just moved to a new home, a young boy meets the boy next door. “Hi, my name is Billy,” he says. “What’s yours?” “Tommy,” replied the other. “My daddy’s an accountant,” says Billy. “What does your daddy do?” “He’s a lawyer,” Tommy answers. “Honest?” asks Billy. “No, just the regular kind.”
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#35
Did you hear about the man who sued an airline company after it mislaid his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
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#36
A surgeon, an architect and a lawyer are having a heated pub discussion about which of their professions is actually the oldest.
The surgeon says: “Surgery IS the oldest profession. God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can’t go back further than that.” The architect says: “Hold on! In fact, God was the first architect when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days, and you can’t go back any further than THAT!” The lawyer smiles and says: “Gentlemen, Gentlemen, who do you think created the CHAOS??!!”
The surgeon says: “Surgery IS the oldest profession. God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can’t go back further than that.” The architect says: “Hold on! In fact, God was the first architect when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days, and you can’t go back any further than THAT!” The lawyer smiles and says: “Gentlemen, Gentlemen, who do you think created the CHAOS??!!”
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#37
"Lawyers occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." – Winston Churchill
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#38
When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
Because deep down, they are all nice guys.
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#39
Abraham Lincoln never had to call for a lawyer because he was already in a cent.
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#40
The lawyer had to move his cow because it got a mooing violation.
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