A Collection Of History Jokes That Never Go Out Of Date

Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?

Laughayette.

What do French recruits learn in basic training?

How to surrender in 17 different languages.

Why did Captain Cook sail to Australia?

It was too far to swim.

I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person, all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom!

Why did Columbus cross the ocean?

To get to the other tide.

What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?

Hissssstory.

What did the terminator say when he accidentally got sent back in time to the renaissance?

I'll be Bach.

A major yet unspoken difference between medieval times and now is...

These days, if someone owns a sword, it's a pretty safe bet you can kick their bum.

What is the name of a severely injured historical figure?

Napoleon Bone-Apart!

How do you contact the Roman Empire?

Pick up a phone and column.

What did King George think of the American colonies?

He thought they were revolting.

What was Camelot famous for?

It’s knight life.

If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?

His family and Friends.

What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?

A rockstar!

Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?

Because he couldn’t lie.

Where did Montezuma go to college?

Az Tech.

Why didn't the crusades happen overseas?

Because you can't sail a holey ship.

Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages?

Because there were so many knights.

How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?

Shocked.