A Collection Of History Jokes That Never Go Out Of Date

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

But two Wrights did make an airplane!

What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?

The same middle name!

What did Richard III say when a planning proposal was submitted for building a parking lot?

“Over my dead body”

Between the Stone Age and the Bronze Age, there was The Copper Age...

Back then, people really knew how to conduct themselves...

A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on warfare. The librarian replies, “You’ll only lose it.”

What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?

Marco Polo.

It's amazing that the ancient Greek sculptors made statues without arms.

I mean, how did they hold the tools?

In a democracy, it's your vote that counts...

...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

Before the Bronze Age...

People who came in third place were just called losers.

What ancient civilization wasn’t wiped out by a mass plague?

The Maskedonians.

Why is England the wettest country?

Because the queen has reigned there for years!

What is Abraham Lincolns least favorite phone box?

John Wilkes Booth.

How do you get rich in Ancient Greece?

Well, step one, become an oracle.

Step two:

Prophet.

To the many that have been ritually sacrificed by Aztec kings... My heart goes out to you.

Haegel, Nietzsche and Aristotle walk into a bar...

Why?

No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

What’s the most popular kids’ movie in Ancient Greece?

Troy Story.

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

Liberty.

Why didn't Isaac Newton dodge the apple?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?

I don't know, I wasn't invited!