93 Netizens Share The Funniest Things They’ve Ever Had The Luck To Witness

Went sledding the other day, and some random dog took a major dump right at the bottom of the hill we were at. My friend screams up to warn everyone, then points it out to let everyone know. One kid comes zooming down the hill, realizes he's in the direct path of the s**t pile, tries to stop before he hits it, bails right on top of it, and the smears a little path of it as he's trying to stop tumbling. In a flash he grabbed his sled, then noped the f**k out. I didn't even see him leave. If he had just kept going he would've went right over it, and been totally fine.

I named him *Streaks*.

I was at camp as a kid one summer, and a tedious counselor was telling a story. Everyone thought he was boring, but for once, he had our attention. We stood in a circle in some woods, watching as his tale-telling became more animated due to our attention. At a climactic moment of his story, he pointed skyward and inclined his head, saying, "And I *looked up*..."

At that moment, a bird flew over and s**t on his forehead. I thought I would stop breathing from laughing so hard.

A girl peeing in the bushes ( big street with bushes in the middle). When she noticed there was a street on the other side and saw me, she stood up, excused herself but lost her balance. She tried to walk but with her pants around her ankles she stumbled for about 15 meters in slow motion only to end back in the bushes where she peed........

Back in high school, we were all traipsing across the grounds to the exit gate at 3:30. Someone had forgotten to collect all of the balls from P.E and they were just lying around on the path. One girl was too busy talking to her friend and didn't realise they were on the path, she stood on one and did that typical 'dancing on a ball' thing like a show dog or a slapstick clown. That was hilarious on it's own, but then when she had managed to extricate herself from the ball, she stood on another one right infront of her. I thought that s**t only happened in the Marx Brothers, it was a glorious day.

I once saw a man fall down an escalator that was moving up in Las Vegas. It takes a moment to picture this, but it was hilarious.

The man was clearly drunk out of his mind and just started rolling down the stairs, very slowly. It was so slow, in fact, that the escalator was keeping up with him. So he was basically just tumbling in place.

He got up a good bit of momentum and reached the bottom, at which point the escalator took him back to the top, and the whole process started over again.

Two girls ran up to help him. They were not dressed to save a person. They realized this was a 250-270 ball of humanity, and decided to run away. Down the uphill escalator. It was like watching Indiana Jones.

After about 90 seconds, he came to and got up, looking around like he hadn't fallen down an escalator. Then his buddies came walking back and asking where the hell he was. They had missed the most monumental moment of this guy's life. But I hadn't.

**TL;DR: Man rolls down an uphill escalator, becomes Indiana Jones boulder.**.

Last Halloween, my girlfriend and I were getting some late night Del Taco. As we get our food and pull through the drive thru I see a car parking on the street in front. The car is decked out in green bay packer gear, GBWISCO license plate, with an Aaron Rodgers sticker on the hood. So naturally as I pulled out into the street I yelled "Go Bears!". The guy stood up out of his car with a ref jersey and high heels on and yelled in the most fabulous gay voice, "I'm a replacement ref!"
We laughed so hard as I sped away.

The funniest thing I have ever seen happened one fine night during college. Some friends of mine and I were out a bar drinking far too much. After a couple hours we started playing pool. I have a friend we shall call Jim who is normally horrible at pool but as he drinks he becomes a master. I mean he runs tables for as long as he wants to play, but he has to be completely wrecked. He has just won his 8th or 9th game in a row when a new challenger appears. The challenger happened to be a little-person. He brought his own cue stick and a step stool which he only needed if the shot was pretty far away from the edge. He could make most normal shots without it. This guy was a pretty good player and at this point it was towards 2 in the morning and there wasn't really anyone left who wanted to play. These two played game after game. All the while Jim is making short jokes. The dude was getting pretty annoyed but as Jim was obviously hammered he was letting it slide.
Part way through their last game the vertically impaired fella was walking around the table trying to find a shot. He finally found one he liked but after lining it up he decided he needed his stool. Jim walks up behind him and says verbatim "Let me give you a hand little guy" and proceeds to pick the man up. Cool as a cucumber the guy makes his shot. Jim is absolutely laughing hysterically at this point and sets him down. The guy then puts his cue stick down. Turns around and punches Jim square in the nuts. Jim goes to his knees. The guy says "I'm not so little now am I" and then proceeds to beat the holy hell out of Jim.
My friends and I started laughing pretty much immediately. After a little bit we all pulled the guy off Jim, apologized and bought the guy a beer with Jim's money. We then took Jim home.

We were at a friends cottage drinking one summer. It was getting late and one of our buddies had been drinking a bit too much and it was time to put him to bed. We were out back sitting around talking and my friend discussed this with our buddy and said, "we can do this the easy way, or the hard way." The drunken friends looks up at him and slurs "The harrrd way!" Proceeds to get up and run straight into the wall. Falls down, loses his pants and begins running again to the basement.

What immediately comes to mind happened just before Christmas. I was in the kitchen and my mom came in from shoveling snow. She said "Look at my shoes!" then stomped a couple times. At this exact second my brother's cell on a nearby table gets a message and he had the alert set to a bicycle horn sound. It sounded like my mom had clown shoes. I laughed so hard my chest hurt.

About 1AM summer night at the beach. Girl and I are drinking wine sitting on the wall between the parking lot and the sand, just hanging. Guy gets in his low sports car. Revs the engine squeals out of the spot, does some "cool" turns, and turn to leave. And goes right into the gate arm. Which perfectly catches his hood which bends in two and smashes into his windshield. Poetic justice I guess.

Stuff that happened at old jobs always stands out for me.

1. A coworker, who was obviously bored, was screwing around with some rope at lunch and managed to lasso another coworker's pizza right out of their hand just as they were taking a bite. The startled look on the victim's face was priceless.

2. During downtime while working in a factory, a few coworkers were throwing paper airplanes down an aisle. One of the planes flew into a lineside fan and showered a nearby operator with confetti. After that people were purposely trying to throw them into the fan, though none shredded like the first one.

3. Another time in the factory, coworkers were scaring an older woman with a makeshift mouse on a string. Time and time again one would point and yell "a mouse!" and the other would pull the string to make it scurry away just as she shrieked and looked down. After getting her several times, I decided to try a similar game with a baby carrot from my lunch. She still shrieked when we yelled "baby carrot" and looked down to see a small orange vegetable scurrying across the floor.

I was traveling through the south a few years ago and eating at a restaurant on the side of the highway in the afternoon. As I turned around from the counter to walk to a table a car came crashing through sitting area because it was rolling(flipping). It landed on its wheels and 2 grossly overweight African American women were sitting in the front seats. I stood there in shock, like everyone else for a few seconds. As everything got quiet you could hear the driver yell out " Oh hell no, I just got my hair did!" needless to say the two passengers were fine and no one got hurt in the restaurant, but I laughed for hours because the two ladies were all upset about their hair. Luckily the restaurant was mostly empty.

My brother was riding one of those pocket rocket things, and as he passed he gave me the finger, but then he rammed into a parked car, giving him a broken arm and the car a huge dent. By the way, the car was my parents car. Good times.

I was driving in Buffalo, NY and it was a total whiteout. One thing they say is never to stop in a whiteout, because a tractor-trailer will just rear-end you to hell. So I found a car and started riding his a*s just because I could only see his brake lights when I was only inches from his bumper.

Then the brake lights started flickering like a strobe light, and the car came to a stop. I didn't know what to do, so I got out of the car. There was this huge black guy standing there, and he yelled, "Yo man, I can't see s**t!"

I laughed my a*s off, and took the lead for a while.

EDIT: Corrected spelling. Thanks auto-correct (sarcastic), and thanks Tarcanus (not).

I was walking through the mall and there was this very small Asian girl coming from the other direction, she is wearing a jean skirt and cowboy boots that were either too big or just too baggy because she is so small... either way about 15 feet infront of me she just falls. A*s over tea kettle. It is a mess of limbs and boots. She gets up pretty quickly and scurries off. I keep walking, keep a straight face until I pass her and then lose it, when I look up the random guy behind her who had been trying not to laugh looses his s**t because he sees me laughing so hard. I just said I am a bad human, I know and kept going wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes.

In middle school we had daily "warm up" assignments that we wrote on loose leaf paper and put in a folder that we had to turn in once a month. Well, one day in late October, kids were lining up to hand in their folders. Well one kid, Sam, who always drank water out of a 2 liter bottle seemed a little antsy to turn his folder in. Well by the time he was third in line he was really twisting and bouncing. Then a lightning bolt of urine shot down his leg and pooled around his feet. The only thing he said was "Oh dear" and ran out of the room. The teacher for some reason followed him out of the room. As funny as that was, Alan the kid standing behind him in line was so shocked and overcome with laughter that he dropped his folder in the puddle. Our teacher returned to the room to tell us to stop laughing and to continue to collect folders. Despite the fact that Alan had a legitimate excuse for not turning his in, he never got a new one. Every month after that when we had to turn our folders in, our teacher would always ask for Alan's folder, and every month he would remind us that it was covered in Sam's dried p**s.

I was in traffic on the freeway going no more than 10mph (16kph for you non-americans). There was some dude riding a sport bike at my 2 o'clock who must have been bored because he was weaving in his lane side to side like a snake. After watching him for like 5 minutes doing this, he fell off his bike. Dude got up and looked around to see if anyone saw him and got back on his bike with his head hung low and proceeded to just sit there on his bike in shame until traffic moved another 10 feet.

Guy wasn't hurt but it was hilarious to see life nip him in the sack for riding like a d****e.

My ex-gf made a scene in a restaurant once when we were going out. She was crying and I going on even after I ordered us two chocolate milkshakes. Anyway, long story short - she leaned forward at some stage, sniffling and snorting, and the next thing I saw was a long, slimey silver thread running from her nose and plunging (it made that cartoonish 'gloomp' noise) into her milkshake. I'm a terrible person, but I couldn't contain my laughter.

I was sitting in the pub(the trafalgar in greenwich) with a group of friends. We had turned up mid-afternoon and the place was quite busy so ended up with a table in the middle of the pub right next a staircase that lead up to a function room.

For some reason ther staircase was surrounded by a see-through plexiglass screen and door, which extended beyond the staircase a bit. So i'm on pint number 3 and i see this really hot women walking across the pub. She's clearly trying to do the 'i'm s**y and i know it walk' and not making eye contact with any of the five or six blokes looking at her. She gets about half way and somehow has not noticed the screen and walks full pelt into it and lands on her a**e. Most of the pub bursts into laughter and she trys her best to pretend like nothing happened and walk off.

tldr plexiglass, the instant de-s**ifier.

Single mom at the beach with her I would estimate three year old son. The kid is having a VERY good day playing in the sand. All of sudden she gets a phone call and starts yelling at who I presume is the father, has a fit, and grabs the kid and starts telling him it is time to leave. She is pulling him along by the arm and he getting dragged and she is yelling on the phone. Finally the kid lets go and he turns around to yell at him it is time to leave and to hurry up. The kid standing there in his water wings, sun hat, and holding his yellow sand bucket yells at his mom: "I am a kid! My legs aren't long enough, I can't move that fast, what do you expect!". Everyone around just started cracking up.