93 Netizens Share The Funniest Things They’ve Ever Had The Luck To Witness

This guy at walmart was making fun of the people in front of him at the self check out because they set the machine to speak spanish. He got progressively meaner and more racist as he waited for them to finish checking out, and the other people in line were getting more and more uncomfortable and muttering about how unbelievably rude he was being. Then he couldn't figure out how to get the register to speak English and was getting really frustrated. I wasn't the only one laughing at him.

In highschool me and my mates were stood in a circle just talking, waiting for the teacher to turn up to let us inside. This was after dinner break (or lunch) and hundreds of seagulls flock to the playgrounds to scavange food. One of those seagulls s**t on my mates face, my mate being quite hard (read a bit of a jock for you merkins) shouted "All right who f*****g spat on me? you're f*****g d**d!" We were on the floor laughing and then the realisation on his face when he knew it wasn't spit and in fact, bird s**t. He actually said "it's not spit is it?" With a grin on his face. I still crack up now thinking about it.

Edit: I know what a 'merkin' is. We use it as a slang term round these parts. If I've found reddit and made an account it's pretty certain I know what a c**t toupée is. I subscribe to W*F and I'd wager there's a subreddit specifically for merkins.

A sorority girl was walking past me on campus, wearing some sorority shirt that said "Can You Walk the Walk?", and just as I finished reading it she tripped and fell. Answered her own question for me.

I sometimes feel like an a*s for laughing at this, but a girl I dated who learned sign language (she was not deaf) once took me to a party where many of the people present were hearing impaired in some fashion. It was a fun party, lots of nice people. I had conversations with a few people while my date translated.

Then the funniest man at the party entered. And he was deaf.

Clearly I could not understand any of what this guy was signing, but the way people shifted toward him and the way faces lifted when he started signing I could tell he was the highlight of previous parties. He had people rolling, holding their sides, nearly crying from his antics.

Clearly I couldn't understand what was being said; but the combination of listening to people who couldn't hear themselves laugh, and watching them being entertained made me lose it. One of the best parties I have ever been to.

**TL;DR** The funniest thing I have ever witnessed was a room full of deaf people laughing hysterically at jokes.

I worked at a winery and the tasting room for it is only one door away from where our fermenters are. Anyways, I'm working on this rasberry port that we were trying out and the seal to the lid of the fermenter burst open, covering me in yeast and unfinished port. I had a white shirt on and tan shorts because it was summer time. The woman working the tasting room busts open the door to see if I was alright and see me sitting on the floor , entirely purple. She had the weirdest look on her face ( a mix between 'w*f' and awe) and then I notice that there was a large crowd of people who were tasting wine and they all suddenly went silent when they saw me through the doorway. For some reason I had the ridiculous idea to simply stay seated in a puddle of port and ask them "so, how's the wine?" they all started to laugh and I felt a little bit better( still lost quite a bit of port).

Tl;dr work at winery. Fermenters vacuum sealed top ruptured. Covered with purple port from head to toe.large crowd of wine tasters sees me and I manage to crack a joke.

A very large woman at a Scrabble Tournament decided to "loosen up" before her first game. So as a hundred people listened to the rules of the tournament she got on the floor and started doing all kinds of stretching and aerobics. It wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't 350 pounds and wearing a summer dress.

A group of adults with downs was at the Allan Gardens Conservatory in Toronto, and while in the cactus area one man had said 'oh my god' about a plant- just totally in innocent awe of the thing. One of the aides said "How about you say 'oh that's nice' instead?" and he muttered over to me, "How about you let me live my life, b***h?"

It was the best. Such an astute reaction. It forever bettered the way I perceive mentally handicapped people.

A few years ago at a family white elephant Chanukah party. In true white elephant fashion, we all brought random objects we found around the house. When it was my turn to open a gift, I picked a short squarish box and opened it to reveal the ugliest Christmas ...thing... I'd ever seen in my life. It looked like a decorative centerpiece from 40 years ago that was never meant to last beyond the evening, featuring dusty faux-plant material and a disfigured, creepy plastic angel.

It was from my dad's wife.

When my dad saw it emerge from the box, his face turned beet red and he laughed harder than I've ever seen him laugh. He was gasping for air and giggling loudly, trying in vain to stop while we all stared. I started having flashes of Batman 1989 and was getting worried—and then he finally calmed down enough to let us in on it. His wife had spent all afternoon—like four hours—*agonizing* over which item to bring for the white elephant, finally allowing herself to part with this... thing.

Of course, I kept it. If there's any interest, I'll update with a photo when I get home from work.

TL;DR - My dad laughed harder than ever before when he saw how hard it was for his wife to part with the most hideous, obviously disposable, item ever created.

My mom and I were standing waiting at a light to cross, and an old man drove by with a donut stuck to his windshield.

We both kind of just looked at each other and she asked "Was that a donut?" And I nodded my head. To this day, I still can't figure out how he didn't notice that donut stuck to his windshield...

RIP Mom. Happy Birthday.

I was at a concert with a friend of mine and she had to go to the bathroom so I waited outside, now the bathroom in this place is located by an escalator I looked over to this obviously very drunk women p*****g underneath of the escalator, all I could think was "wow" but then as she proceeds to stand up she slips in her own p**s and lands flats on her face in the p**s, I lost it! Best concert ever!

Two things, both work related.


1) Our health and safety fella was demonstrating the correct was to bend to pick up boxes when his trousers ripped right down the back seam. Childish but funny!


2) Our radiation safety supervisor (translation: he is the man who shouts at us when we have had a spill) was helping out in my section and managed to drop a plate full of radiation on the floor. Cue geiger counters, acid/decon clean up and much hilarity.

In 8th grade I had a friend named Roland who was about 4' tall and another friend named Carl who was about 200lbs and about 5'7". During lunch, in the cafeteria, Carl was getting his food and Roland noticed his sweat pants sitting on the bench. Roland put on Carl's sweat pants, over his own clothes, and proceed to walk around with them pulled up over his head. Carl saw it and ran to catch Roland. We had tears in our eyes from laughing as Carl chased his own sweat pants around the cafeteria.

Once at college there was an ice spot on the walkway outside our dorm, covered in a light dusting of snow. My friends and I all slipped on our way home. Later from our common room window we saw others falling. Within half an hour, eleven of us had gathered around the windows with tea and popcorn, watching every single person who walked down that path fall or flail crazily to keep from falling. One time a really tall guy wound up doing a chicken dance for about seven feet, but managed to stay upright. At the end there was vigorous applause -- but not from our room! We rushed outside, turned around, and saw that at least four other windows in our dorm had crowds gathered around them. We waved and eventually all gathered on the lawn for an impromptu "falling party.".

Me and my friends had a get together at a buddy's place. being a chef, my buddy made tons of good food so we piled it on our plates and started chowing down. after about 3 rounds, my 250+ lb friend stared at his food like he lost all hope and started saying "strugglin' strugglin' strugglin'" to the tune of rick ross's song "hustlin". we fell out of our chairs and one person ended up spitting his food out haha.

One time on a class trip to the Festival of Nations in St. Paul I saw a kid run and literally slip on a banana peel. It was everything I ever could have hoped for and more.

I was sitting at some traffic lights a few weeks ago and a guy on a fancy racing bicycle rode up onto the traffic island to wait to cross. Except he forgot he was wearing those shoes which clip into the pedals. So he stopped, balanced for a second, and then just toppled over. At that moment the light changed to green so I had to drive off. On of the funniest things I ever saw.

Was playing soccer. My buddy and his brother were on opposing team.
I was advancing towards their net and my buddy came at me from left, his brother on my right.
When they both got close to kick the ball away from me I stopped the ball. They both missed the ball and kicked each other in the shins, bodies collided, heads collided with a loud "thunk!".
The way it all synchronized was so funny I couldn't continue running and just rolled on the floor laughing.
I thought it was over but then they both got mad at each other and started fist fighting. I was laughing so hard watching it all unfold in front of me I though I'm going to pass out. One of the funniest memories I have.

One time, I was stuck in traffic with my parents so I decided I'd make small talk by saying "you know, they say that white cars are most likely to be involved in a car accident than any other color car?" Right as I said that, 3 white cars got into an accident in the lane next to ours.

Note: It wasn't a serious accident. The last car bumped the car in front which bumped the car in front of that.

Every year a local bank holds what they call "Corporate Olympics." Businesses from the area get a team together of 4 guys and 4 girls. Each year is a different theme. A couple years ago it was "Minute to Win It." One of the challenges was to make as many free throws as you could in a minute. So we are all going, making fun of each other for our lack of basketball skills and then the last guy goes... it was like he'd never shot a basketball before (which I know he has, we've played in a charity game earlier that year and it wasn't THAT bad). But anyways... Not once... Not twice... but three times he shoots over the basketball hoop. But wait! There's more. The first time flys completely over the backboard hitting a poor lady right in the face knocking her sunglasses off. Man did it hit her hard. Couldn't help but chuckle, ask if she's okay and then move on. We stupidly give him the ball back and the exact same thing happens, hitting the same lady! At this point everyone standing in the area moves 20 feet away as we give him the ball back. And... yes he does it one more time, of course without hitting anyone because no one was standing there anymore. I've never laughed so hard or seen someone so embarrassed before in my life. He is one of my best friends and Reddits daily... God I hope he sees this...

I was at a local pizzeria. There was, sitting at a table, a little girl, her mother, and her grandmother. The little girl was apparently learning "Mommy and Daddy have real names too." So grandmother asks the girl "What does Mommy call Daddy?" The girl didn't understand the question. Then grandmother asks the girl "What does Daddy call Mommy?" And her little face just lit up like a light bulb. She knew what Daddy calls Mommy, and in a nice clear voice, told us all that Daddy calls Mommy "A*****e.".