Hey Pandas, What’s Your Best One Liner?

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says "Can you put me up for the night?"

I'm here to chew bubblegum and [do whatever I'm going to do], and I'm all out of bubblegum

hey girl, you don't just look good, you look lesBIEN (Im a lesbian,its not supposed to be mean)

Just recently in a chat room, someone asked if they made Coyote Off (like a repellant spray of some kind)

I said, "Sure. You can get it at the same place as Bear Off or Moose Off. They even have one for wild rabbits. It's called Jack Off."

He talks so much he should go to On and On Anon

I shot an arrow a low hanging clouds, mist.

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

They were handing out brains, they thought they said grains and said no thank you.

I don't have a dog in this hunt.

It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.

I'd rather be resourceful, than smart. Aw heck! ... At my age, I'll take either.

Officer: Suspect is naked on the street.
Dispatch: Copy that
Officer: It's kinda cold

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Is it half price if I only look with one eye?

Yes, I was wrong once but I divorced him.

- You have more fat cells than brain cells
- I'm not saying it's your fault, I'm just saying I blame you
- I never said you're stupid, I said you lack the ability to be smart

I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.

You can't cure stupidity but you can sedate it

When entitled people ask "Do you know who my father is?"... "No, but ask your mother there's a slim chance she may remember."

Not mine, well, Phoebe Buffay's- Oh! I wish could but I don't want to.