Hey Pandas, What's The Best Comeback You've Ever Heard Or Said? (Closed)

Once, a colleague of mine, who was also a young mum, discovered she was a little younger than me (like 2 years).

She proceeded to tease me about it, and tell me how, at her age, she had more experience than me professionally.

My comeback:
"Well at least when I was your age, I wasn't changing diapers!"

'If I wanted shit from you I'd squeeze your head.'

I made one and its like: Sorry, *digs hand in pocket* it seems I ran out of fucks to give about this conversation but I might have a couple of pennies in my bag you can use to save up to buy a new personality because I doubt anybody would like to exchange yours.

In my twenties I would frequent a local college bar often and would often see the same people. One evening I overhear a "bro" call me a slut..welp, I had to just tell him "I'm a bitch, not a slut because a slut sleeps with everyone. A bitch sleeps with everyone but you". I haven't been able to live that shining moment down. My friends still retell the story.

well i just broke up with someone he was like have a nice life im like as long as i never see or hear from you again i will after that he said something and i kept on making him sound stupid then i blocked him

this isn't really a comeback, but i love it

I had to deal with a really mean girl in school. She went out of her way to make fun of my rapping skills. One day she said that I'm not a rapper so stop. I looked at my BFF and she started to beat-box. I then said,

" Talk to the hand cause the face ain't listenin'
I really don't care so stop on pissin'
Do u really think ur the boss of me? oh wow
Ur just jealous cause u don't have the know how
*bell rings*
Oh did u hear that its time for class
But before u go, F*ck of my ass!

"Thou loggerheaded long-tongued hedge-pig!"

-Shakespeare

When my aunt died at 40 i didn't went to school because it was awfull. I was back to school the saturday of her ceremony (i live in France, we had saturday school at morning, and my mum who was a teacher thought that it was better to return to scool that day because it was sport and technology). The technology teacher teased me the entire class(you lost your boyfriend it is cool...don't be sad....). I was brave, then he sayed "you are going to do an intership to be a hairdresser?" because i was pulling aside the mermaid hair of my friend..... "NO SIR, I WILL DO A TECHNOLOGY INTERNSHIP TO BECOME A TOTAL IDIOT" . I don't have an once of regreat in myself, it was well deserved.

I posted a nice photo of my mom from when she was a model in her younger days. Some mouth breather commented "I just ****** *** to this". I responded: "Thank you for taking 30 seconds out of your day."

Ran into an ex at a night club he was being all creepyq. My friend and I were leaving to go to another club and he grabbed my hand and said "What are you doing later tonight?". My response was "Not you!", and walked out.

My friend and I were in town years ago, when she saw a girl who lived on her street. This girl was always with a group of friends and always took great pleasure of taking anybody down with her mean comments and relished the pleasure of having her entourage to back her up. She was also one of these girls who always had a boyfriend. My friend had never had one at this stage (we were all teenagers at the time) and this girl for no reason said to my friend "aw still not got a boyfriend? Well I guess you better get used to it, after all they're too busy going out with me." My friend looked crestfallen so I just said so loudly so every one could hear, "Of course all boys will go out with her. You see, most boys love a bargain and keeping things simple, so rather than go out with someone classy and and worth so much more like you, they go out with someone cheap and easy like her." Even the girl's little gang laughed as her face went bright red. Best of all it made my friend smile.

I said something body-shaming and about how weird I was and my best friend said “ people that are different or just better than everyone else.” - Scarlett 2020 😂

I know my rights and you should know them too.

So there was this guy that had the locker next to mine but he had a mirror in his locker and always checked it between classes, so I asked him about it and he said in a mean way, " To see how I look!" and I said If you wanna see yourself just lift up a horse's tail! His face was so red! LOL XD

Doing karaoke with some girls from school in eighth grade and this girl sings the song 'Hello'. Afterwards says: "Wow I didn't know I knew all the right words!" So badly wanted to say, "Too bad you didn't know the notes."

Does a physical response count? Well my BFF who live in Texas is a third-degree black belt. This guy was making fun of her for how thin she was. She proceeded to warn him about not making fun of people. He continued. She broke his leg.

Ok well it's not a comeback, but my friend asked me if I wanted a sucker and I said "No, I don't wanna sucker I wanna suck you."
I thought I said it in my head...

a simple and straight forward

fuck off

Oh we were doing Shakespeare in class, our teacher made a PowerPoint all about Shakespearean insults (they're all really good) one of them was HAGSEED. It was so funny. I guess it's because witches were a big thing around then, and were often called hags. I guess the seed means child, so 'child of a witch' maybe? HAGSEED sounds funny ho, I use it wayy too much. Lol 🤣

Did you know that when you go outside it’s considered littering? -me