Hey Pandas, What's The Best Comeback You've Ever Heard Or Said? (Closed)

once there was a girl who hated me and my friends she was telling me about how i dress like a 4 year old and i said "well at least i don't dress like a pros*itute but i guess you got it from your mom." i was in the 3rd grade.

Once, playing DnD, one of the players casted "Shocking Grasp", one of the spells they had cast multiple times.

I replied..
"How shocking."

Left my character to 3 hp from pun damage.

I heard this one the other day at the mall a girl was apparently talking to a now ex-bf and after he begged her to take him back she said “ Honey I don’t know what your thinking but this isn’t Toy Story 3 I’m not giving my toys to the less fortunate it, your just dirty and used, I’m throwing you in the trash” then she walked off like the queen she was.

did you break a mirror today? You just made me blind with disgust

I was in a school bathroom when a girl was doing her makeup in the mirror to stall going to class, and i said, "we are supposed to be in class not doing makeup" "she responded with, " Hey, at least cover up that disgusting face of yours before going out" and I said " isnt that what you're doing?"

Well I just had a great comeback or just general statement to some rude comments regarding the Trans Woman’s article here on boredpanda. There were people saying how she wasn’t a woman and that she isn’t valid and here was my response:

I understand that everyone has a right to their own opinion but when your opinion is as valid as the s**t that comes out of your ass then I think maybe you should reevaluate your so called opinion. This woman is VALID!! Idc what anyone else says she is a woman and she is amazing and quite f*****g frankly she is hot as s**t so with that being said if you have nothing nice to say don’t f*****g comment!!!!!!! #MICDROP

" My father will hear about this" Draco Malfoy

Ran into an ex at a night club he was being all creepyq. My friend and I were leaving to go to another club and he grabbed my hand and said "What are you doing later tonight?". My response was "Not you!", and walked out. 20 years ago and it still feels good.

I was having a usually sibling fight when my older sister decided to try out the "you're adopted" scandal followed by "whoops i spilled the beans".

To which I laughed and said, "Thank God, for a second i was scared that i was related to you", her face after that is something i will never forget.

not mine but from an eps. of Buffy which could be adapted for individual situations .... just replace slayer & tailor to your own.

"Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron."

(Don't know if this counts but) 8th Grade. Kid comes up to me and starts talkin' smack about how my friends and I are slow and that he could beat us in any race or event, how we are "slower than turtles because those f*ckers are slow as hell". This is track season mind you so we had plenty of opportunities to prove him wrong... Right before a 200-meter dash and he is in the lineup with myself and 2 other of the supposed slow people, the gun goes off, we run it all out. My friends and I got top 3 and the guy was last. Just to really rub it in we say, "Turtles are slow? I think the animal you are looking for is the tortoise, we were the hare, just not cocky and a lying piece of sh*t.

I blush really easy and I'm really white so it shows up really bright. I was in HS and this guy kept joking around to make me blush. I was and to an extent still back a comebacks so I went to one of the girls I was friends with and asked for help. She was a genius. 1st class the next week:

Him - Flirty in appropriate sexual comment.
Me - Wanna Screw?
Him - Wh...what?!
Half of the class - What?! (Friend silently dying in her seat)
Him - What did you just say?!
Me - I asked I'd you wanna Screw?
Insert him blushing like mad looking dumbstruck, half the class going, half the class still not believing they heard right.
Me - What's wrong with you? Do you want the screw or not? *I hold up a 2 inch screw I had gotten from my shop class.*

The teacher had to leave the room she was laughing so hard. The entire highschool found out ( it was a K-12 school so very small highschool). I gave her credit then, I still give her credit today. He left me alone after that but it was AWESOME!

Only one I have besides that was when one of my cousins came over while I was visiting my Aunt. Haven't seen him in ages and he looked as me and goes 'Hey cuz, whaddya know?'. I looked at him and deadpanned 'I know a lot you're gonna hafta narrow that down a bit'. I've never seen that man speechless before.

hmmmm........ I would say the best come back i've heard was in Amoung us. Two people where fighting and one of them said ¨ And thats why ur dad left you for me love ¨ They got banned after saying that though because the owner of the game left and the other person they was fighting with was the owner now. I had a good laugh though

After hitting someone on the arm with a book, "OMG, I am so sorry, my book slipped, I was aiming for your head, silly me."

Next time,"OOPS! I thought I had a hammer, turns out it was just a book, at least I got the head right? My aim is terrible, all I see is a butt."

When my boyfriend's mum tutted at something he'd done, so my boyfriend said to his dog, "You're my friend, aren't you?"
Boyfriend's mum immediately came back with, "yeah, but he eats poo."

Seen on a t-shirt --- Girl speaking to a super obnoxious pest of a guy who wouldn't take a polite no for an answer : "If your dick and your brain were as large as your mouth, then.... maybe."

This is an example of a terrible comeback. This teacher for band told this girl on french horn that she was too loud. Her comeback was... "At least I don't look like you." We were all like girl what the heck?

I heard this story but I was not in any way shape or form involved in it

This teacher was talking about whales in class and said that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human whole and this girl said "What about Jonah?" the teacher said "Well we can't exactly ask him now can we," and the girl replied when I get to heaven, I'll ask him," and the teacher said "what if he went to hell?" and the girl said, "Well then you can ask him."

One time my sister and I were fighting and she threw in a little, "You're Adopted!" and I immediately responded to that with "Well At Least They Wanted Me, But They're Stuck With You Now!"

'You're just a child!'
'Well, you're just a teenager.'

Thank you A:TLA 😌