Hey Pandas, Tell Me You're A Parent Without Telling Me You’re A Parent

I'm pretty sure I could clog a shop-vac with the contents from within our couch cushions.

I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.

Petroleum jelly is difficult to remove, even off a water-loving labrador

"PANTS! Where are your pants?"
😳😳
"Who peed on the carpet?" Didn't always apply to the dogs.
🤨🤨

(Daycare teacher)

I know that it's a bad idea to give 16 two year olds apple juice immediately after they've woken up from nap, have repeatedly uttered the words "No, Thank You! We don't drink water from off the ground!", Can change diapers like a speed racer, and know that all it takes to stop a crying chain of toddlers is to bring out the fabric tunnel.

I think it's quite a parent personally.

I can make pot of coffee with one hand.

Yelled at my teenager for not packing up his stuff to head out to out of state college tomorrow (i had been telling him to do it for 3 weeks).

Got mad! Yelled! And immediately went to the bathroom and cried because he's going to out if state college tomorrow.

I'm conflicted!

The dog is covered in raw eggs and chocolate syrup!

They know everything.

I can never do anything for longer than 10 minutes unless it's between the times of 2 and 4 pm.

Where are all my cell phone chargers?

There is a secret squatter in my home named "Not Me", and they happen to make lots of messes ....

I'm fluent in English, sigh and eye roll

Well, one of my three best friends stopped by today; however, I was so tired I decided to take a two-hour nap. She must not have minded a bit because she new better than to wake me.

We don’t talk about Bruno… except when we do. 3,456,989 times a day.

Their food plates are untouched.
As I fight to protect my food on my plate. Dispite all plates holding the exact same food items.

There were french fries in the VCR. Apparently, it was hungry. Side note, VCRs do not like french fries,

I have a hatred and fear of Lego blocks in the living room leaping under my bare feet in the early morning.

I had no idea I could ruin someone's day by giving them the wrong spoon.