Hey Pandas, Tell Me You're A Parent Without Telling Me You’re A Parent

I have a tiny sock stuck to the Velcro on my jacket hood.

I receive shopping lists from camp, not letters. 🤣

I haven't slept in years...

I buy silverware 🍽 weekly...not plastic wares but silverware

I used to care so much about my appearance I wouldn't leve the house until I was completely made up, coordinated and accessorised. Now you would be lucky if I remember to take the child's knickers (clean) I'm using as a hair bobble out of my hair.

Found a half eaten chocolate bar in my shoe yesterday... My work shoes. Super fun.

I am the CEO of a small small cleaning service, which also provides addition services at no extra charge. Additionally I sit on the board of directors for a small bank BofM.

A toy car factory has exploded in my house.

I have way more content knowledge than a person should have about show, sites, and games that have nothing to do with my job or interests.

Me: "Why are you licking the fridge?"
Nephew: "I'm a chameleon."

He was trying to open the fridge to get food. With his tongue, smh.

"Because" is a perfectly complete and full answer

I have a collection of drinks called "Not Mine"

These shoulders have been adorned by many a spit-up.

My car looks like a dumpster

I always have a sink full of dirty dishes I didn’t create (alas no dishwasher)

Shayden...Elias...Aria...whatever your name is! Stop doing that!

Can I please just p**s in peace!

I've cleaned poop off of walls.

Where is my ________? As it walks past on someone else's body.

There's a Hot Wheels car in my box of tampons.