Hey Pandas, AITA For Choosing To Give A Personalized Gift For A Baby Instead Of Picking From The List? (Closed)

Is she Haitian? Because that sounds like some Haitians' idea of what a godparent is supposed to do. It is very common for Haitians living in Haiti to "honor" a Haitian living in the diaspora with the godparent role. You are then expected to provide for the child for life. School fees. Uniforms. Books. Birthdays. Doctor's visits. Weddings. Funerals. You name it. To them, it means "child support" for life. This is especially true if you live in the U.S., Canada, France or some other "1st world" nation because, of course, you are rich./s

You teach people how to treat you every day. If this is how you want to be treated... Boundaries are healthy.

Being a Godparent is not an obligation to the parents. You give a promise to the parents with God as witness, that if the parents perish away before the child is an adult you will make sure: That the child will be brought up as a good christian and be provided for. THAT'S IT! If you choose to spend your money and time on the child while the parents are still alive, it's up to you.
I would cut the friendship and tell them, that if anything would happen to them, they don't need to worry about their child. Because you would take care of it.

Financial support is not a God parents responsibility. If the parents of the child pass away and there's no other family member to take said child then the God parent steps in that's when the financial support comes from a God parent. Also parents are supposed to set up wills so should something happen to them their children will be taken care of properly and the funds that they save to go toward their upbringing if something happens to them will be there.

Godparent should be more of a spiritual and emotional support system...does God hand you gifts? No. Godparents should help with emotional support, be there for the child to talk to about things they don't feel like talking to parents about. It's basically an 'adopted' aunt or uncle. I have a sister who is not a sister, and the same for me, I have an aunt that is actually my mom's best friend. So without being a godparent, they both helped when they could. Emergency childcare for if someone has to go to the hospital, watch the kid while mom takes a break. Show them love and respect. Maybe buy the kid something but it's never demanded. My 'aunt' would maybe get me something but it was never something expected of her, same with my 'sis'. Don't let someone tell you what you should buy. Nudges and hints yes. But demanded gifts are not gifts.

No your not, you worked hard on a gift for a family and its new member and the mum just wanted something off the list. She’s sounds a bit rude honestly. And your the godparent there’s more opportunities to get the kid a gift that he’ll like. You are the not the a*****e

She should have listed her requirements before asking you to be a godparent. It sounds to me like she wants her own godparent, not for her son. I think you should be able to follow your own ideas of what would be helpful and enjoyable to the child but it sounds like you’re going to have to do both. Maybe save your special things for “just because” days and birthdays and follow her instructions on the other occasions. Hopefully she will see the difference soon.

Perhaps you should make it clear where you stand and what you want to contribute. What you spoke of in terms of taking care of the child when you are able, building a strong relationship with the child and occasionally being there for special celebrations are hallmarks of being a god parent. As is helping guide them spiritually and stepping in if something happens to the parents. I’ve never heard of there being financial obligations if the parents are alive. Unless you are in a comfortable financial situation and want to be financially generous. It sounds like you’re being generous with your time and it’s not appreciated.

I’m 2 months pregnant and would be delighted with a handmade towel, especially if you spent 15 hours making it! Anything else would be a bonus. In my mind, if she wants specific things she should buy them herself without expecting anyone else to reimburse her. I hate to say it because it’s an honor to be considered a god-parent but it sounds like your friend has overblown expectations and is talking advantage of your good nature. I’ve been in experiences like these and the resentments on both sides cause a rift in the relationship. Perhaps you should tell her that while you’re honored that she asked you, you aren’t willing/ able to provide what she’s looking for as a god-parent and you understand if she needs to select someone else who is more comfortable helping in the ways that she’s interested in. She may have some hard feelings but you’ll be true to yourself and assertive in your communication and actions towards her. If she’s a good friend she’ll get over it.

First off, I’m sorry you found yourself in this position. Being a godparent is a beautiful and loving role, but it sounds very frustrating and confusing in your case. It’s okay. I think there’s a chance to change that. The sense of ‘security’ that it’s supposed to provide your friend is that you’re promising in the event she is no longer capable of caring for her child (death, severe illness, etc)…you will be there to assume the role of guardian. Often the godparent will spend a little more time with the child and will create a unique bond do that if they assume the role of guardian, the child is already trusting and comfortable with that person. In the event this is the case, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to provide the child with their needs and wants using your love, affection, time, your home and your money. Until this is the case, you’re not typically REQUIRED to fiscally provide for the child while the mother is currently capable of doing so. That tends to be more of a choice the godparent makes themselves based on what they can and are willing to contribute.

I may not agree with your friend’s comprehension of what a Godparent’s role is (truthfully, I initially thought your friend was ridiculously entitled), I can respect that she feels strongly about what your responsibilities should be to her child. With this being said, it may be time for a sincere and thorough conversation.

Sit her down and explain to her what being a godparent means to you and what you thought your responsibilities would be. Explain that when you accepted the role, you imagined it differently than she did. Let her know that while you understand what she’s expecting of you is important to her, you have your own limits to what you can and can’t provide as a godparent. Explain to her the value personalized gifts have to you and how you plan on spending time with the child, creating a familial bond over time that is full of love and support. Tell her about what you plan on doing in the event she can no longer provide for her child. It’s so important that your friend understands the role you want to play as well as what your realistic capabilities/limitations are.

She may or may not initially budge on her beliefs of what your responsibilities should be, but at least now you’ve opened the door to discuss and address this very important issue. If she accepts the role you intended to play as enough, great! If she doesn’t, try asking her why her expectations are important to her. Ask her what she imagines your guardianship would look like in the event of illness/death. Maybe there will be a couple things you both can each bend on until there’s a reached a consensus.

She needs to know what you’re comfortable and capable of doing. Tell her if you can’t afford something or if you can’t commit that much of your time/effort. Only then can the two of you agree on the expectations of the role. You each can give in a little and take a little. For example, maybe she’ll accept you providing personalized gifts for most occasions while you’ll agree to provide money or a listed gift on one specific occasion. There’s still hope this set up can work, leaving everyone content with the role they’re playing.

The bottom line, neither of you are wrong for your thoughts and opinions. If she truly believes being a godparent means financially supporting her child to an immediate extreme, then even if we think it’s an absurd idea, it’s still very important to her. You don’t want to minimize her thoughts and emotions but she shouldn’t minimize yours either. The issue is that being a godparent means different things to each of you.

Now is the time to make sure you both understand each other’s definition of godparent, note where you two differ in expectations and try to redefine the role together. Once your both on the same page, it’s guaranteed the child will always have a guardian that loves and provides. That’s the ultimate goal. Best of luck to you!

To be honest, I think your friend is more than a little over the top about her expectations of what a godparent is. In the classic religious sense, the godparent is there only to augment the religious education of the child if the parents are unable or are neglectful of their duties. In the most extreme cases, the godparent might be expected to take the child in should the parents meet a tragically early end, but generally speaking.. I think most people just expect the godparent to act like a surrogate aunt/uncle.

Just be there emotionally for the child if they need additional support, offer encouragement and love/friendship. I have never heard of any kind of financial burden or even any real expectation of constant child care/baby sitting, etc. Certainly any and all of those things are fine if it's something you want to do, but as it stands.. it feels like your friend is taking harmful advantage of your kindness with her demands and expectations.

Frankly, this sounds akin to a Bridezilla situation. No one gets to decide what gift someone gives. Like all gift recipients, you thank the gift giver and that is it. In fact, if her attitude continues, that is enough for me to cancel the friendship. I am so sick and tired of people being rude, entitled, and all around awful person because someone does not do what they wanted.

People need to grow up and take care of their kids, without expecting other people to do it for them. I have read a lot of these stories lately and it makes me sick.
Let's just say I had a friend like that and when I couldn't do what she wanted ( i had a lot less money then they did) I was kicked to the curb and she spread rumors.
You provide what you can and want to. Don't let them guilt you, but be prepared it can go bad quickly.

You know what ... these "parents" just want a payout, unfortunately. My daughter is having my first grandchild next week, and she would never behave like this. A godparent is supposed to spiritually and morally guide the godchild, not jump thru the parent's hoops. Sounds like the child is gonna need you because his parents suck.

Ummm, f**k THAT! Buying from a register or a list provided by the parents is a gift for the PARENT, not the child. Tell them to buy their own overpriced s**t.

You need to resign, ask your friend to find a different godparent and you should find better friends. If you already have other good friends then ditch this demanding entitled b1t@h and focus on them.

Wow this is quite a bit to expect of anyone. Not to pry however I am curious as to what religion your friend is? I’m catholic, and my understanding of godparents is that for starters it is rooted in the catholic religion. The initial purpose godparents held within the religion, served no financial purpose but rather was typically a married couple who was held by the child’s parents in high moral regard. The purpose the godparents served was to offer spiritual guidance and hold a close relationship throughout the child’s life. The persons chosen as godparents should be trusted to raise the child, in the same or mostly similar way as the parents, should the child’s parents pass away. There has never been any form of financial responsibility for godparents, only moral and spiritual responsibility. Your friend is confused over the duties entailed.

1st, is your friend an adult? Because this sounds seriously immature for them to expect financial assistance. 2nd, she’s rude.

Bring a godparent is guiding the child spiritually through life, being there for them to lean on, for support. It's not a license for gimme gimme. That's almost like those brides who think a wedding is all about them, their dress, their cake, their decor etc., and not the joining of two people in love in a partnership.

Absolutely not
I really don't understand people who get upset about receiving gifts that are not in the registry
For both my kids I've made registries, but mostly because I was asked
In my culture, part of the gift giving process involves putting thought being the present
Buying something you know someone wants, or even worse just handing them money, is...... lazy

As I was reading this, the further I read the article the more I kept thinking 'this has GOT to be a joke.' I was the first of my friends/family members of my generation in my particular family to have a baby- I have 3 children, and between us all, as of November we have 60 children and we are all very close to each others families and children, sharing responsibilities of God Parenting depending in the child, for example Susie is Jax's God mother, and I am Susie's son's God mother, while another friend is her twins Godmother and my sister in law is my daughter's. That being explained, Out of SIXTY babies born over the last 16 years I have NEVER had anyone say this to me.. honestly it's never been said in any context by/to anyone. Maybe it's where we live? In the south a God parent is someone that yes, you know will have a closer bond with, but primarily, you are asked to be a God parent should something happen to you, that friend or family member is accepting the responsibility of raising your child or children. In the event that you are no longer able to (or your partner). Thr audacity to tell someone that they have a responsibility financially to YOUR CHILD, is absurd. If that's the case you might as well involve them in the conception of said child. And basically demanding specific gifts and telling the God Parent they expect gifts for their child on certain holidays blows my mind. What. in. The. world. I have asked for financial help from my FRIENDS before, but they've been paid back almost immediately, and anytime it's been in dire circumstances, but never demanded. I'd say turn that convo around on her when she wants to have her talk and let her know that her expectations were never mentioned when she asked you. And maybe she should ask someone else. Bizarre.