Last month a good friend of mine gave birth to a lovely little boy. I have a special relationship with the baby since I am the godmother. I wanted to do something special that would make a nice memory for the kid... So I spent about 15 hours embroidering a nice large new towel for him with his name and a symbolic plant. I asked her in advance what she wanted to be embroidered and what style/colors she liked. She had specific things in mind and while I didn't 100% follow her example it was very strongly inspired by it.
I was very proud of my gift, especially since in our family we all have such a towel. Now my friend let me know that she expected me to also buy one of the things she selected for her kid from her list. She did spend a long time selecting things for her kid and gave some hints in advance. But since she already bought those items, to me it felt like just handing money. So I gave her the towel and some other little things the day I visited them. She thanked me for the gift. But now a few weeks later she asked how I wanted to support them and stressed that being a godparent also is a financial investment.
She also said that she wants me to buy gifts that would be useful and that we would discuss. It is important for her to know what to expect and to have predictability and security. Especially since she was disappointed before in that regard. But she also said that she doesn't only expect gifts for birthdays, but also for Christmas and Easter.
It starts to look daunting for me, I feel I have little freedom in how I support the kid. I also feel like the financial part should not be the main focus of being a godparent... I told her I would be there as often as I could to babysit and make sure to go on day trips or longer trips with them/the kid in the future. This was what I loved most from my own godparent. Should I only buy gifts she approves of, or should I follow my own idea of what is good for the kid in this regard?
#61
You are SO NTA. My favorite gifts for my kids were things that my mother's friends made. Christmas stockings, personalized blankets that fold into pillows, Christmas ornaments. I feel sorry for your friend that she can't appreciate a real gift from the heart and instead views you as a present/money machine.
0points
#62
You did the right thing in getting the parent(s) involved in the design and gave a thoughtful gift. This ensures the gift is used and the parents do not already have the gift. My wife and I made a baby registry as guides for people that wanted to buy us things so we did not end up with multiples of similar items and with items we did not need. The main reason we made the list though is so we could purchase the stuff with the Amazon completion discount as we intended to buy everything ourselves. Our friends went off list and we ended up with about 6 monogrammed blankets and more infant toys than 1 baby needs. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but just illustrate that the lists are not always demand lists but are used as a helpful tool to reduce clutter in what will undoubtedly be a full household. Secondly the list also fits into their parenting style. I have a friend who wants to raise her child in a batteryless environment yet her family came to visit with a bag of electronic toys in tow. She felt bad telling them this after they had gotten the toys so she let it slide until they left and now the toys are stored away only to be seen when they visit again. In OPs case though it seems thr parents feel a bit too entitled and their list is not made for the purposes I highlighted above but rather to get free stuff they would otherwise not spend their money on. OP is the Godparent not the sugar parent
0points
#63
God parent here for my niece. I help decorate for birthdays and holidays. I'll help wrap presents for the same. I am never expected to buy anyone gifts because I'm told being there is important, but I do anyways. Also... We do this together. I am a single parent myself but I understand it takes a village to raise a child. I have never been told I HAD to buy anything. Personally I'm always there because IF, big if, something happens to her parents I want her to know who I am and how I am; not think I'm a stranger, you know?
A lot of the other comments are 100% correct. It is not a financial title (that's guardianship) and it's not one where you babysit all the time for free. I would set boundaries with this friend. Without saying what everyone has, gifts are meant to be special and from the heart... thats why it's called a gift... not a donation.
0points
#64
So much creepy red flags! And I think many other people have said it already. You're NTA. And you should have a good talk about boundaries with your friend. Tell her what you are and aren't willing to do for your godchild. And that you expected a bit more gratitude for a gift that was given with love. I think this talk should have happened before you signed up for being a godparent though, maybe some advice for other people who get asked to be godparents. Always ask the parents what they expect if you are to take on this role and express whether or not you can agree with that and share what you are willing to do and what not. But it's never too late to have this conversation. And I think you really need to have that conversation. And if she can't except your point of view and say "thank you" for what you actually are willing to give and keeps insisting on using you financially, then sorry but she's a terrible friend.
0points