Last month a good friend of mine gave birth to a lovely little boy. I have a special relationship with the baby since I am the godmother. I wanted to do something special that would make a nice memory for the kid... So I spent about 15 hours embroidering a nice large new towel for him with his name and a symbolic plant. I asked her in advance what she wanted to be embroidered and what style/colors she liked. She had specific things in mind and while I didn't 100% follow her example it was very strongly inspired by it.
I was very proud of my gift, especially since in our family we all have such a towel. Now my friend let me know that she expected me to also buy one of the things she selected for her kid from her list. She did spend a long time selecting things for her kid and gave some hints in advance. But since she already bought those items, to me it felt like just handing money. So I gave her the towel and some other little things the day I visited them. She thanked me for the gift. But now a few weeks later she asked how I wanted to support them and stressed that being a godparent also is a financial investment.
She also said that she wants me to buy gifts that would be useful and that we would discuss. It is important for her to know what to expect and to have predictability and security. Especially since she was disappointed before in that regard. But she also said that she doesn't only expect gifts for birthdays, but also for Christmas and Easter.
It starts to look daunting for me, I feel I have little freedom in how I support the kid. I also feel like the financial part should not be the main focus of being a godparent... I told her I would be there as often as I could to babysit and make sure to go on day trips or longer trips with them/the kid in the future. This was what I loved most from my own godparent. Should I only buy gifts she approves of, or should I follow my own idea of what is good for the kid in this regard?
#21
Please inquire where she got such a ridiculous idea of what a godparent should be from.
8points
#22
When did Godparents start paying child support?
8points
#23
You need to let her know being a godparent doesnt make you financially responsible. Not sure where she got that from. If she and the father are financially struggling you can all discuss ways to help. But you shouldnt be required to buy gifts shes wants you to buy. You towel idea has actual meaning n is useful.
5points
#24
The term "godparent" has religious origins which require no monetary entry fee. At all. You provide time and education to the child who isn't going to care if you bought anything or not. If you choose to it is your choice but there ain't no rule requiring this. Sounds like the parents need more education than the child does..
5points
#25
NTA. Either she's taking advantage of you or she doesn't know what it means to be a godmother. And where's the father? Isn't he helping out financially with the baby?
Also, I'm having a baby and would be extremely grateful with any gift given to me and my baby by her godmother. I'm expecting my baby's godmother to be there for my baby by providing emotional support and just spending time together.
5points
#26
I'm sorry, WHAT!?!? Do people actually think like this? Who WANTS to know what their kid is getting for their birthday. WHO CARES! If someone wants to get the kid a personalized gift let them get the kid a personalized gift! Sometimes parents are so entitled.
4points
#27
Is she Haitian? Because that sounds like some Haitians' idea of what a godparent is supposed to do. It is very common for Haitians living in Haiti to "honor" a Haitian living in the diaspora with the godparent role. You are then expected to provide for the child for life. School fees. Uniforms. Books. Birthdays. Doctor's visits. Weddings. Funerals. You name it. To them, it means "child support" for life. This is especially true if you live in the U.S., Canada, France or some other "1st world" nation because, of course, you are rich./s
4points
#28
NTA she's trying to capitalise in the baby. It's plainly stupid to have a gift list for your baby. I'm so happy that where I'm from people start to realise that giving an evening dinner is among the best gifts for new parents.
It's not like one can't give ideas for gifts, but in the end something personal has a way easier chance of giving life long memories.
4points
#29
Where I come from (United States) a godparent is responsible in assisting with the spiritual and morale upbringing of the child. The only way it becomes financial is if the parents die and the godparent assumes guardianship of the child.
These people didn't choose you to be a godparent as much as they chose.you to be an ATM.
These people didn't choose you to be a godparent as much as they chose.you to be an ATM.
4points
#30
You're totally right. Love does not = money.
3points
#31
Last I checked a godparent was supposed to be a part of the child's upbringing, mentoring especially spiritual and religious aspects. I mean was there an actual baptism that you participated in? Does the mother and godparent regularly attend services? Not to put her on the spot, but if mom wants material things and financial support from you while she is alive, them she needs to have a talk with y'all's priest/pastor for a straightening out!! Maybe read a bit more of the Good Book instead of shopping catalogues. She's taking advantage of you, and that's not okay. Better to "politely decline" godmotherhood than to get trapped in that sinkhole. Imagine what she'll expect when kiddo goes off to trade school or college...a private scholarship, perhaps. If you still want to be the godmother, it might be a good idea for you, mom, and dad to all get guidance from y'all's church leadership so everyone can 1) have the proper information on boundaries, and 2) be on the same page regarding responsibilities.
3points
#32
Heck no!!! Most of the expensive items and toys are not worth it. They are the list because they're cute. Not because they are multi purpose or time savers!!! I always go on my own or baby shower items! Personal and thoughtful!!! Something they will know is from me without spending$5 on a card!!! 😂😂😂
2points
#33
A gift is simply that, a gift. You choose what you want to give.
If you don't know what to give a registry can give you some ideas.
Money is not a gift. It is an admission that either you do not care and/or know the recipient well enough to be giving a gift. Or that you are too lazy to be bothered to think through what someone you love may want or need.
Your gift sounds lovely.
2points
#34
When I initially ssw the title I was going to say that I always buy from the registry in addition to a homemade gift. However, after reading it, that mom is being ridiculous. You're definitely nta. I don't know why she thinks godparents are required to financially help.
2points
#35
What?! Oh hell NO...When someone takes the time to hand make a unique gift for one's child the decent thing to do is show appreciation. A couple of my friends handmade clothing for my children when they were born & these pieces are still stored in my home some 35+ yrs later. Red...Crimson red flags here & it's boundary time. Do not even open this stinky can o' mess by giving them money. Bday, holiday, christening gifts, yes YOU aren't the problem here
2points
#36
Godparents are not responsible for financial support. Those parents have lost their minds. You also don't put stipulations on gifts, that reeks of privilege and selfishness.
2points
#37
This person is a sponge. Cut your losses and move on.
2points
#38
N.T.A For sure,but since when is " being a godparent a financial investment"? i feel like your gift is very sweet and heartfelt and your friend is being a bit ungrateful.
2points
#39
Why the flying f**k should a godparent support your child? A godparent takes over when you kick the bucket and there's no one else for the kid. They're not your private bank account to pay for whatever frivolities you decide the child (read: you) needs. I hate people sometimes...
2points
#40
She sounds entitled and not a good friend. Last I checked a God parent is someone who is there for the child, and cares for the child if something happens to the parents. No where does that entitle her to request money or gifts. I would reconsider being that child's God parent or your friendship with her.
1point