Grandparent Jokes To Share With Your Gran And Gramps Next Time You Visit

"Every time I go to a wedding, my grandma pokes me and says, "You're next". So, every time I go to a funeral with her, I poke her and say the same."

Which relative chimes at you every hour?

A grandfather's clock.

A grandson asked his grandmother, "Do you know how you and god are alike?"

"You're both old!"

Halfway through church service, grandpa leans over and whispers in his wife's ear, "I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

The grandma replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Why did grandpa spend only one hour with the grandchildren?

Because one hour with them and he felt like a young fellow, more than that he said he feels drastically old.

What does grandpa do when you tell him to change his hearing aid?

He doesn’t listen.

What did the tall grandpa say to the little boy?

You will have to do your own growing boy, my height won’t help you with that.

How are stars and fake teeth alike according to a grandfather?

“These two come out only during the night.”

What did grandpa name the Italian restaurant he started in grandma’s memory?

"Pasta Way."

Why did grandma call grandpa spiderman?

Because, she said, “That boy finds it difficult to get out of the bathtub.”

"My grandparents were called Pearl and Dean. But obviously I called them my Grandad and Nana na na na na na na."

A grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%.

The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

Grandfather: "Bet I can tell you the score before the game starts!"

Grandson: "No Way!"

Grandfather: "0-0."

"My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. “It’s worth spending money on good speakers,” he told me."

“Back in the day,” a grandfather started to say, “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well.”

“But nowadays,” he continued, “Wherever you go, there are cameras.”

"My grandpa told me when he was small the alphabet only had 25 letters. Nobody knew Y."

"My grandpa went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and he immediately returned. He forgot his teeth."

One Sunday, little Johnny's grandpa asks him a question, "Do you know what one eye said to the other eye?"

"No, grandpa."

"It said, Between you and me, something smells."

Grandpa walks into his grandson watching a football match.

Grandpa: "Who's playing?"

Grandson: "Czech and Slovakia."

Grandpa: "Against who?"

"Today my grandpa told me he was working on his second million. He said he was too tired, and there was no way he was going to make the first, so he was starting fresh."