There’s a saying that you can’t trust anything you see on the internet. And while it sounds a bit dramatic, there’s a lot of truth to it.
Whether it’s someone’s crazy and totally-not-made-up personal story or the comment section underneath a news article, you rarely know if you’re dealing with a well-meaning person, a troll, or even a bot, and whether they’re just misinformed or purposefully spreading nonsense.
Unless you stumble upon a community that explicitly states it’s here to mock this exact phenomenon.
That’s right, we found a subreddit where members create satirical science-related Q&As, and the funniest (or saddest?) thing about it is how instantly recognizable their exchanges are. So for your entertainment, we’ve rounded up some of our favorite ones.
#21
The first dog in space passed of stress. Was that because of all the vacuums up there?
SomeAltAccountPun:
Partially. Most of stress came from the combination of physical exercise to maintain muscle mass, piloting a spacecraft, and the fact that someone forgot to close the airlock
anonymous:
Actually when he saw the the earth in all its grandeur from the outside the futility of the cold war nuclear arms race really got to him.
rhorama:
You've basically got it. Small correction though: it wasn't that there were multiple vacuums, it was one galactic-sized vacuum.
You've heard of "The Vacuum of Space" before, right? Well that's what got to the doggie.
SomeAltAccountPun:
Partially. Most of stress came from the combination of physical exercise to maintain muscle mass, piloting a spacecraft, and the fact that someone forgot to close the airlock
anonymous:
Actually when he saw the the earth in all its grandeur from the outside the futility of the cold war nuclear arms race really got to him.
rhorama:
You've basically got it. Small correction though: it wasn't that there were multiple vacuums, it was one galactic-sized vacuum.
You've heard of "The Vacuum of Space" before, right? Well that's what got to the doggie.
15points
#22
People say microwaves are invisible but I can still see them in my kitchen. Am I a genetically engineered superhuman who will save the human race?
risquecat:
You should do an AMA
Aldman123:
If you could figure out a way to utilize these "micro" waves to heat up or warm food, we could cure starvation!
anonymous:
Pics or didn't happen.
risquecat:
You should do an AMA
Aldman123:
If you could figure out a way to utilize these "micro" waves to heat up or warm food, we could cure starvation!
anonymous:
Pics or didn't happen.
15points
#23
Are Jupiter’s giant ducks a potential threat to Earth?
Van-garde:
Not unless we aggravate them enough to trigger the “Mallard Reaction.”
anonymous:
Yeah because if they escape they will cause great disturbances in the electroducknetic force that will force the earth out of its duckmetric orbit. Sad stuff
rethinkr:
If you want the long answer, “yes.”
Van-garde:
Not unless we aggravate them enough to trigger the “Mallard Reaction.”
anonymous:
Yeah because if they escape they will cause great disturbances in the electroducknetic force that will force the earth out of its duckmetric orbit. Sad stuff
rethinkr:
If you want the long answer, “yes.”
Report
15points
#24
I accidentally spilled someone's cup of dryness. How can I get it back into the cup so they aren't mad at me?
anonymous:
Start pouring water from the boundaries of the dry area. The water will push the dryness back into the cup. Make sure to collect it all
manbearpiglet92:
You're gonna need a shopvac for that. Source: I am a vacuum.
BakaMike:
Try using sponge to soak it back up to soak it up and squeeze back into the cup, best way to do it trust me, I know from experience.
anonymous:
Start pouring water from the boundaries of the dry area. The water will push the dryness back into the cup. Make sure to collect it all
manbearpiglet92:
You're gonna need a shopvac for that. Source: I am a vacuum.
BakaMike:
Try using sponge to soak it back up to soak it up and squeeze back into the cup, best way to do it trust me, I know from experience.
Report
15points
#25
I heard Mars has no atmosphere. Could we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?
DocsMildlyDislikeMe:
Astronomist here !
Unfortunately, Mars has a very rocky and irregular surface, which is not compatible with the smoothness of jazz. The only way to match that rockiness would obviously be to play rock instead, but the resulting atmosphere would then be too hostile for humans. It's an issue that scientists around the world are still trying to overcome.
anonymous:
Isn't Mars red because of the iron? Wouldn't metal be better?
ProcastinatingAgain:
NASA has actually tried this by using one of their rovers, the transmission didn't work to well so the music sounded terrible, this only ended up angering the native Martians whom then started a huge storm and stranded Matt Damon on Mars.
DocsMildlyDislikeMe:
Astronomist here !
Unfortunately, Mars has a very rocky and irregular surface, which is not compatible with the smoothness of jazz. The only way to match that rockiness would obviously be to play rock instead, but the resulting atmosphere would then be too hostile for humans. It's an issue that scientists around the world are still trying to overcome.
anonymous:
Isn't Mars red because of the iron? Wouldn't metal be better?
ProcastinatingAgain:
NASA has actually tried this by using one of their rovers, the transmission didn't work to well so the music sounded terrible, this only ended up angering the native Martians whom then started a huge storm and stranded Matt Damon on Mars.
Report
15points
#26
How can I grow a car? I've been planting old car parts all over my yard but nothing comes up like it did for my neighbor.
maybesingleguy:
Dude, this is bad ask science. You need a real scientist. Like, get an arborist to have intercourse with a mechanic, then ask the baby. That's the level of expertise you need for something like this.
cownd:
Simple. You need to get one from a car plant
maybesingleguy:
Dude, this is bad ask science. You need a real scientist. Like, get an arborist to have intercourse with a mechanic, then ask the baby. That's the level of expertise you need for something like this.
cownd:
Simple. You need to get one from a car plant
Report
15points
#27
My dad is in the hospital on life support. Already tried unplugging him and plugging him back in. Any suggestions?
Sarcasticorjustrude:
You probably didn't leave him off long enough for a complete shutdown. Come on, this is basic stuff!
perthguppy:
Take his shoes off and put some fresh ones on instead.
You know. Reboot him.
14nickel:
Blow into the outlet. Sometimes dust gets on the contacts and blocks the power flow.
Sarcasticorjustrude:
You probably didn't leave him off long enough for a complete shutdown. Come on, this is basic stuff!
perthguppy:
Take his shoes off and put some fresh ones on instead.
You know. Reboot him.
14nickel:
Blow into the outlet. Sometimes dust gets on the contacts and blocks the power flow.
15points
#28
Why do you hear of celebrities passing away, but you never hear of them being born?
ANegativeCation:
The last major celebrity whose birth got advertised ended up nailed to a cross.
anonymous:
Because no more new celebrities are being born. That's why people are so annoyed about 2016. So many celebs died, but none are being born.
anonymous:
I mean, not to break the circle or take the joke seriously, but you do.
When celebrities have kids, that makes the news. And probably near 90% of celebrities today are celebrities because their parents were famous already.
Look at Jayden Smith, Miley Cyrus, Rashida Jones, Alexander Skarrsgard, Zooey Deschenel, Lenny Kravitz, Kate Hudson, Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Nicholas Cage, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kristen Stewart, all the Kardashians... all have celebrity families "in the industry". I could keep going too. This is the short list. Just wait til Brad and Angelina's kids grow up.
ANegativeCation:
The last major celebrity whose birth got advertised ended up nailed to a cross.
anonymous:
Because no more new celebrities are being born. That's why people are so annoyed about 2016. So many celebs died, but none are being born.
anonymous:
I mean, not to break the circle or take the joke seriously, but you do.
When celebrities have kids, that makes the news. And probably near 90% of celebrities today are celebrities because their parents were famous already.
Look at Jayden Smith, Miley Cyrus, Rashida Jones, Alexander Skarrsgard, Zooey Deschenel, Lenny Kravitz, Kate Hudson, Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Nicholas Cage, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kristen Stewart, all the Kardashians... all have celebrity families "in the industry". I could keep going too. This is the short list. Just wait til Brad and Angelina's kids grow up.
14points
#29
Why do people come back from baby changing stations with the same baby?
SquareTheRhombus:
I can never get one in my colour.
Khers:
It's not the same baby, it's the same model. You can't just upgrade your baby for free, but you can exchange a dysfunctional crying and/or smelly model for a proper one at the station.
Effex:
Certified BCS Operator here, I figured i'd chime in:
BCS's used to be a lot more popular in the 90's, where the chance of actually changing your baby for another baby was much higher. But with regulations within the past 5 years, the success rate of changing a baby for another has dramatically decreased. Most of the time, the only thing that does change is the smell coming from the baby, but not the actual baby.
Pro-tip: If you don't want to exchange your baby but make it disappear instead, we recommend you leave it alone at the BCS for at least 30 minutes. Upon returning, do not be concerned about any possibly authority figures present, this is merely a precautionary step to assure that your baby disappears as safely as possible.
SquareTheRhombus:
I can never get one in my colour.
Khers:
It's not the same baby, it's the same model. You can't just upgrade your baby for free, but you can exchange a dysfunctional crying and/or smelly model for a proper one at the station.
Effex:
Certified BCS Operator here, I figured i'd chime in:
BCS's used to be a lot more popular in the 90's, where the chance of actually changing your baby for another baby was much higher. But with regulations within the past 5 years, the success rate of changing a baby for another has dramatically decreased. Most of the time, the only thing that does change is the smell coming from the baby, but not the actual baby.
Pro-tip: If you don't want to exchange your baby but make it disappear instead, we recommend you leave it alone at the BCS for at least 30 minutes. Upon returning, do not be concerned about any possibly authority figures present, this is merely a precautionary step to assure that your baby disappears as safely as possible.
14points
#30
Children who were aborted, what's your story?
IVTD4KDS:
Survivor of abortion here. What happened is that my mom took pills to abort me while I was a fetus. I was able to catch these pills and held onto them for the full term. When I came out, I was laughing and showed them the pills...
bupereira:
(cricket sound intensifies)
ProbablyMyLastPost:
My mother was presented three choices: Abort, retry or ignore. I'm still not sure which she picked...
IVTD4KDS:
Survivor of abortion here. What happened is that my mom took pills to abort me while I was a fetus. I was able to catch these pills and held onto them for the full term. When I came out, I was laughing and showed them the pills...
bupereira:
(cricket sound intensifies)
ProbablyMyLastPost:
My mother was presented three choices: Abort, retry or ignore. I'm still not sure which she picked...
14points
#31
Why is Duolingo depressed?
Jacksonfpvyt:
Imagine the app changed icon to a sadder one each day you don’t login, until it’s a skeleton and bans you
ARandomNPC01:
He's tired of kidnapping people who refuse to learn spanish
G45X:
Owls typically live between 10 - 12 years in the wild and 16 to 20 years in captivity. Duolingo started in 2012, so he's old A*.
Jacksonfpvyt:
Imagine the app changed icon to a sadder one each day you don’t login, until it’s a skeleton and bans you
ARandomNPC01:
He's tired of kidnapping people who refuse to learn spanish
G45X:
Owls typically live between 10 - 12 years in the wild and 16 to 20 years in captivity. Duolingo started in 2012, so he's old A*.
Report
14points
#32
Why are all of these vinyl records in the desert? What do you think is on them?
MyMudEye:
Someone setting a world record?
Funkybeatzzz:
Mostly hard rock since it’s too dry for blue grass.
anonymous:
Well, that's where they are grown. So it really depends on what seeds the artists want to grow there.
MyMudEye:
Someone setting a world record?
Funkybeatzzz:
Mostly hard rock since it’s too dry for blue grass.
anonymous:
Well, that's where they are grown. So it really depends on what seeds the artists want to grow there.
Report
14points
#33
Do spiders in europe have 2.4384 meters instead of 8 feet?
anonymous:
No, you see, spiders have eight legs, not feet. An adult leg is approximately one meter long. So spiders have 8 legs or 8 meters.
duudass:
i would walk 804.672 kilometres and i would walk 804.672 more, just to be the man who walked 1609.34 kilometres to fall down at your door…
Fcorange5:
Not just in Europe, pretty much everywhere in the world, brochacho
anonymous:
No, you see, spiders have eight legs, not feet. An adult leg is approximately one meter long. So spiders have 8 legs or 8 meters.
duudass:
i would walk 804.672 kilometres and i would walk 804.672 more, just to be the man who walked 1609.34 kilometres to fall down at your door…
Fcorange5:
Not just in Europe, pretty much everywhere in the world, brochacho
Report
13points
#34
What kind of supercomputer can read this?
flamedragon822:
Oh that's not for supercomputers it's for macro computers made by Macrosoft before Microsoft drive them out of business back in the 90s. Turns out no one wanted larger computers
MovingClocks:
Actually, it's not for supercomputers (at least by today's standards), it's just fairly old! Moore's law states you can double the number of transistors per square inch on your circuitboard every 12 months or so, which is why new computers are smaller each year. If you look at the size of this vs a modern USB drive, you can see that it's probably around 50-100x larger, meaning that this can be approximately dated back to around 1900-1950!
flamedragon822:
Oh that's not for supercomputers it's for macro computers made by Macrosoft before Microsoft drive them out of business back in the 90s. Turns out no one wanted larger computers
MovingClocks:
Actually, it's not for supercomputers (at least by today's standards), it's just fairly old! Moore's law states you can double the number of transistors per square inch on your circuitboard every 12 months or so, which is why new computers are smaller each year. If you look at the size of this vs a modern USB drive, you can see that it's probably around 50-100x larger, meaning that this can be approximately dated back to around 1900-1950!
Report
12points
#35
Pizza has crust. Earth has crust. Pizza is flat. Doesn't this prove that Earth is flat?
skigoggle:
Pizza dough starts as a ball, though. Only question is whether the earth has been cooked in the cosmic oven yet. Global warming may just be a sign that God has turned the oven to preheat.
peazey:
Ahhhh, but does bread not also have crust?
Edit: Wow! Since this blew up I want to crowd source a question about that scene. If my memory serves me, when the "witch" and the duck hop off the scale it falls hard to the ducks side. Presumably that's the byproduct of rigging it to show she weighs the same as the duck, but was that intentionally part of the film/a sort of meta joke? Or just a byproduct of rigging it so they "weigh the same"? Does anybody know?
Also I love the "it's a fair cop" throwaway line.
skigoggle:
Pizza dough starts as a ball, though. Only question is whether the earth has been cooked in the cosmic oven yet. Global warming may just be a sign that God has turned the oven to preheat.
peazey:
Ahhhh, but does bread not also have crust?
Edit: Wow! Since this blew up I want to crowd source a question about that scene. If my memory serves me, when the "witch" and the duck hop off the scale it falls hard to the ducks side. Presumably that's the byproduct of rigging it to show she weighs the same as the duck, but was that intentionally part of the film/a sort of meta joke? Or just a byproduct of rigging it so they "weigh the same"? Does anybody know?
Also I love the "it's a fair cop" throwaway line.
11points
#36
Is this why there's global warming?
Charlitos_Way:
I leave my freezer door open for the same reason
anonymous:
It's part of the reason. Remember this is applicable to all pieces of clothing. Just try and think of all the clothes in the world being worn inside out right now. Their collective heat acclimate to cause global warming. That's why it's called climate change.
Charlitos_Way:
I leave my freezer door open for the same reason
anonymous:
It's part of the reason. Remember this is applicable to all pieces of clothing. Just try and think of all the clothes in the world being worn inside out right now. Their collective heat acclimate to cause global warming. That's why it's called climate change.
Report
11points
#37
I'm 30 years old and I still have my kidneys. When will my adultneys develop?
redditorfrompluto:
Generally Adultneys are developed when a person starts smoking. It's never too late you know.
KevinsPhallus:
You have kidneys? Do you not walk around much or do you weigh very little that you don't need adult knees
anonymous:
There are a finite number of adultneys in the world. Used to be you harvested yours on your birthday raids on your coming of age year. I remember my coming of age raid. We razed a town out side of Pioria in 1987. Must have gained 9 or 10 adultneys that day. For those of you who havent passed the right, Corner your enemy/romantic rival/kid who made fun of your pp in gym class and rip their kidney out with a rusty meat hook. Then eat them raw to gain their courage and power. You will now have adutneys. SIMPLE as that!
Those were the old ways. The better ways. They pleased the gods with their science. To take your adultneys was a right of passage.
redditorfrompluto:
Generally Adultneys are developed when a person starts smoking. It's never too late you know.
KevinsPhallus:
You have kidneys? Do you not walk around much or do you weigh very little that you don't need adult knees
anonymous:
There are a finite number of adultneys in the world. Used to be you harvested yours on your birthday raids on your coming of age year. I remember my coming of age raid. We razed a town out side of Pioria in 1987. Must have gained 9 or 10 adultneys that day. For those of you who havent passed the right, Corner your enemy/romantic rival/kid who made fun of your pp in gym class and rip their kidney out with a rusty meat hook. Then eat them raw to gain their courage and power. You will now have adutneys. SIMPLE as that!
Those were the old ways. The better ways. They pleased the gods with their science. To take your adultneys was a right of passage.
Report
10points
#38
What's my blood type?
ethanpo2:
I'm terribly sorry u/kirbysdownb, but the results came in, you've tested positive.
duudas:
Red.
(Source: Certified Medical Porter)
ethanpo2:
I'm terribly sorry u/kirbysdownb, but the results came in, you've tested positive.
duudas:
Red.
(Source: Certified Medical Porter)
Report
10points
#39
If light travels faster than the speed of sound, how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?
I've been at a standstill with my experiments.
bobbygarafolo:
Green light is the heaviest light. It's so heavy it travels slower than sound. That's why we haven't discovered any green stars.... yet.
joelincoln:
It's German engineering.
BMW's come with a feature that forecasts the reactions of other less-well-off drivers. The computers and heuristic algorithms determine, with 99.994762% reliability that another nearby driver is being inattentive and takes prophylactic or preemptive action as required. The BMW driver him/herself is unaware of these actions which is why they typically appear oblivious of their surroundings.
I believe Mercedes has developed a counter-preemptive technology aimed at deterring the deleterious effects of BMW's features.
I hope this helped... now stop blocking traffic!
I've been at a standstill with my experiments.
bobbygarafolo:
Green light is the heaviest light. It's so heavy it travels slower than sound. That's why we haven't discovered any green stars.... yet.
joelincoln:
It's German engineering.
BMW's come with a feature that forecasts the reactions of other less-well-off drivers. The computers and heuristic algorithms determine, with 99.994762% reliability that another nearby driver is being inattentive and takes prophylactic or preemptive action as required. The BMW driver him/herself is unaware of these actions which is why they typically appear oblivious of their surroundings.
I believe Mercedes has developed a counter-preemptive technology aimed at deterring the deleterious effects of BMW's features.
I hope this helped... now stop blocking traffic!
Report
10points
#40
Why is Hillary Clinton sending a hurricane to California?
comicalben:
It's actually the other way around. She's in California and the hurricane is hunting her down.
The reason every hurricane has a human name is because it's named after the specific person that it's targeting.
Careless-Internet-63:
She was trying to take Arizona but she didn't go far enough right
comicalben:
It's actually the other way around. She's in California and the hurricane is hunting her down.
The reason every hurricane has a human name is because it's named after the specific person that it's targeting.
Careless-Internet-63:
She was trying to take Arizona but she didn't go far enough right
Report
9points