There’s a saying that you can’t trust anything you see on the internet. And while it sounds a bit dramatic, there’s a lot of truth to it.
Whether it’s someone’s crazy and totally-not-made-up personal story or the comment section underneath a news article, you rarely know if you’re dealing with a well-meaning person, a troll, or even a bot, and whether they’re just misinformed or purposefully spreading nonsense.
Unless you stumble upon a community that explicitly states it’s here to mock this exact phenomenon.
That’s right, we found a subreddit where members create satirical science-related Q&As, and the funniest (or saddest?) thing about it is how instantly recognizable their exchanges are. So for your entertainment, we’ve rounded up some of our favorite ones.
#41
I am now 22 years old and my eyesight is worsening, at what point do I get adult supervision?
JackTR314:
An adult older than you, who has it already, needs to give it to you. You must physically be in the presence of an older adult for this happen though.
Adults who already have supervision have been given it in this way. Its a generations-long tradition.
_vargas_:
I'm sure at your age, the process of gaining supervision has already begun. Why aren't you noticing an improvement, then? Most likely because you yourself are the problem. If I had to guess, I'd say you probably have an issue with chronic self pleasure.
And as we all know, excessive self-pleasuring greatly degrades the optic nerve, which causes vision impairment. It's similar to starting and exercise regimen; running five miles a day won't help when you're also eating Five Guys twice daily. So leave your little noodle alone for a few days. Your vision will greatly improve. Over time, you might even be able to see why girls don't like you and never will.
JackTR314:
An adult older than you, who has it already, needs to give it to you. You must physically be in the presence of an older adult for this happen though.
Adults who already have supervision have been given it in this way. Its a generations-long tradition.
_vargas_:
I'm sure at your age, the process of gaining supervision has already begun. Why aren't you noticing an improvement, then? Most likely because you yourself are the problem. If I had to guess, I'd say you probably have an issue with chronic self pleasure.
And as we all know, excessive self-pleasuring greatly degrades the optic nerve, which causes vision impairment. It's similar to starting and exercise regimen; running five miles a day won't help when you're also eating Five Guys twice daily. So leave your little noodle alone for a few days. Your vision will greatly improve. Over time, you might even be able to see why girls don't like you and never will.
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9points
#42
The puzzle I bought says "5-6 years", yet I finished it in only 2 years; is there a test I can take to determine how much of a genius I am?
jdllama:
Preliminary results of the data provided by u/Key-phob show that he is not a genius, seeing as how the puzzle itself has two tests in it: the completion of the puzzle, as well as determining your years.
toeofcamell:
Yes if your hand is larger than your face you are a certified genius
MahatmaBuddah:
Well, yes, there are several. One is called the Bus Stop Test. This is where, after talking for five minutes to fellow passengers, a vote is taken about whether you are a genius or not. The result is highly correlated with your level of intelligence!
jdllama:
Preliminary results of the data provided by u/Key-phob show that he is not a genius, seeing as how the puzzle itself has two tests in it: the completion of the puzzle, as well as determining your years.
toeofcamell:
Yes if your hand is larger than your face you are a certified genius
MahatmaBuddah:
Well, yes, there are several. One is called the Bus Stop Test. This is where, after talking for five minutes to fellow passengers, a vote is taken about whether you are a genius or not. The result is highly correlated with your level of intelligence!
8points
#43
Can I use y=mx+b to measure the slope of how downhill my life is going?
J0hnn1B01:
No because the m would be undefined
jxj24:
No. You're going to need an exponential. At the very least.
stewsters:
You might get a better fitting curve with something like this:
y = -(x!)
J0hnn1B01:
No because the m would be undefined
jxj24:
No. You're going to need an exponential. At the very least.
stewsters:
You might get a better fitting curve with something like this:
y = -(x!)
7points
#44
Are all the subreddits going private to hide Victoria's Secret?
dunkybones:
They've gone dark because Victoria has a dark secret.
sevelev711:
Well this whole event just peaked right here. No where but downhill from here.
crustymailmanguydude:
If you cross multiply the ayy you can see that the dividend derivative function is exactly equal to lmao and thus we find how this post is very much science related.
dunkybones:
They've gone dark because Victoria has a dark secret.
sevelev711:
Well this whole event just peaked right here. No where but downhill from here.
crustymailmanguydude:
If you cross multiply the ayy you can see that the dividend derivative function is exactly equal to lmao and thus we find how this post is very much science related.
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7points
#45
If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?
Voltwreker:
Salmon don't have lungs, humans do.
If humans didn't have lungs, smoking could cure all diseases.
Jakkol:
Salmon breaths water not air.
Because of this they are immune to harms of smoking, being able to get the huge benefits that were advertised by the smoking companies in the last century.
anothercarguy:
We ahem, I already proved in this sub that smoking isn't bad for you, it makes you live longer.
Voltwreker:
Salmon don't have lungs, humans do.
If humans didn't have lungs, smoking could cure all diseases.
Jakkol:
Salmon breaths water not air.
Because of this they are immune to harms of smoking, being able to get the huge benefits that were advertised by the smoking companies in the last century.
anothercarguy:
We ahem, I already proved in this sub that smoking isn't bad for you, it makes you live longer.
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6points