Argue all you want, but deep down inside, we all know that being a mom is the hardest job on the planet. Especially so if you're a mom to a human baby - the most imperfect of all mammal babies with its hairless skin, wicked thermoregulation, gassy tummy, poopy pants, and the inability to run from danger right after birth. See how much harder the task becomes when your baby is basically a helpless egg? Well, helpless but at least a terribly, incredibly, devastatingly adorable, life-changing, heavenly egg. But let's go back to the behemoth task of being a mom. As we've all agreed, it's incredibly hard, right? And what do you do with things in life that are fabulously arduous? You make fun of them, of course! So, to all the moms-to-be, the seasoned moms, and hopeful moms, we present our list of the funniest mom quotes that we could find!
This is a real compendium of mom life troubles - from babies and their sharp nails lovingly scratching your face to blaming your farts on them; no topic is beyond limits in these mommy quotes. However, all of them carry the notion of a mother's love with it, so even the most hilarious jokes are really an expression of this all-encompassing love that a mother feels for her children. So, laugh at them all you want, Mom, without feeling any unease by amusing yourself about your little bundle of trouble!
I guess you're on limited time here, Mom, so without any further ado, let's just skip right to the funny quotes. All of them are just a little bit further down, as they always are. Once you are there, vote for the cute mom quotes that you've enjoyed the most, but be sure to laugh quickly so as not to wake your sleeping angel! Also, don't forget to share these silly quotes with your friends, as they might need some comic relief from their duties, too.
#81
"A mother need only step into the shower to be instantly reassured she is indispensable to every member of her family." - Lynne Williams
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#82
"Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease." - Lisa Alther
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#83
"Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life." - Mindy Kaling
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#84
“Having kids is just like college. You’re up all night, there is lots of puking, and you’re perpetually broke.”
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#85
"If you enjoy a clean home, relaxing weekends, and long romantic meals, then parenthood isn't for you."
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#86
"One of the simple pleasures of parenting is locking yourself in the bathroom with a handful of your children's Halloween candy."
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#87
"The first five years of parenthood is like a 2 a.m. game of Twister in your bed. And you are always the loser."
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#88
"That brown stain on your fingers could be chocolate, but it's also just as likely not to be. Better not risk it."
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#89
“Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.”
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#90
“My mother is a walking miracle.” - Leonardo DiCaprio
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#91
"Every day when you're raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream 'This is ridiculous!' because there's so much nonsense, whether it's what they're saying to you or the fact that there's avocado or poop on every surface." - Kristen Bell
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#92
"Who knew you could ruin a child's day simply by serving milk in the wrong colored cup?"
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#93
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” - Erma Bombeck.
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#94
“Acceptance, tolerance, bravery, compassion. These are the things my mum taught me.” - Lady Gaga
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#95
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” - Phyllis Diller
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#96
“If I wasn't at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man — and by 'party' I mean, of course, endless rounds of 'Itsy Bitsy Spider.” - Olivia Wilde
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#97
"A sweater is a garment worn by a child when the mother feels chilly." - Barbara Johnson
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#98
"Do you know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times." - Jennifer Garner
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#99
"Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty." - Julia Roberts
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#100
"I don't think so mommy!" is what my child said after, "Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?" - Anna Faris
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