Argue all you want, but deep down inside, we all know that being a mom is the hardest job on the planet. Especially so if you're a mom to a human baby - the most imperfect of all mammal babies with its hairless skin, wicked thermoregulation, gassy tummy, poopy pants, and the inability to run from danger right after birth. See how much harder the task becomes when your baby is basically a helpless egg? Well, helpless but at least a terribly, incredibly, devastatingly adorable, life-changing, heavenly egg. But let's go back to the behemoth task of being a mom. As we've all agreed, it's incredibly hard, right? And what do you do with things in life that are fabulously arduous? You make fun of them, of course! So, to all the moms-to-be, the seasoned moms, and hopeful moms, we present our list of the funniest mom quotes that we could find!
This is a real compendium of mom life troubles - from babies and their sharp nails lovingly scratching your face to blaming your farts on them; no topic is beyond limits in these mommy quotes. However, all of them carry the notion of a mother's love with it, so even the most hilarious jokes are really an expression of this all-encompassing love that a mother feels for her children. So, laugh at them all you want, Mom, without feeling any unease by amusing yourself about your little bundle of trouble!
I guess you're on limited time here, Mom, so without any further ado, let's just skip right to the funny quotes. All of them are just a little bit further down, as they always are. Once you are there, vote for the cute mom quotes that you've enjoyed the most, but be sure to laugh quickly so as not to wake your sleeping angel! Also, don't forget to share these silly quotes with your friends, as they might need some comic relief from their duties, too.
#41
"When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed."
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#42
“I’ve been married 14 years and I have three kids. Obviously I breed well in captivity.” - Roseanne Barr
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#43
"A mom only truly understands the meaning of rage when your child walks past everyone else in the house to find you in the bathroom to open their juice box."
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#44
"No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too." - Chrissy Teigen
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#45
“My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'” - Paula Poundstone
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#46
"My sister said once: 'Anything I don't want Mother to know, I don't even think of, if she's in the room.'" - Agatha Christie
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#47
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy.” - Michelle Pfeiffer
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#48
"Kids humble us. The other day on a flight home Olympia insisted on running up and down the aisle, and when I finally got her to sit still, she threw up all over me." - Serena Williams
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#49
"Stop saying 'we're pregnant.' You're not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady hole? No." - Mila Kunis
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#50
"I never thought in my life I would have to yell more than once, "Don't lick that." But I was wrong. Oh, how wrong I was."
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#51
"Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn't sleep." - Shonda Rhimes
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#52
"After we got home from the hospital, I didn’t shower for a week, and then John and I were like, 'Let’s go out for dinner.’ I could last only about an hour because my boobs were exploding. When the milk first comes in, it’s like a tsunami. But we went, just to prove to ourselves that we could feel normal for a second." - Emily Blunt
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#53
“My kids are never better friends than when it's 30 minutes past bedtime and they won't stop giggling.”
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#54
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” - Calvin Trillin
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#55
"I've conquered a lot of things ... blood clots in my lungs — twice ... knee and foot surgeries ... winning Grand Slams being down match point ... to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!" - Serena Williams
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#56
“I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school."
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#57
"If there is a tooth fairy, it only seems fair that there should be a wine fairy and a laundry fairy. Kids shouldn't get all the magic."
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#58
"You know you're a mom when you stop daydreaming about a million dollars and start daydreaming about how amazing it would be to go to the bathroom alone."
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#59
"When you become a mother of toddlers, your biggest fear suddenly becomes running out of cheese sticks and chicken nuggets."
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#60
"My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji."
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