Argue all you want, but deep down inside, we all know that being a mom is the hardest job on the planet. Especially so if you're a mom to a human baby - the most imperfect of all mammal babies with its hairless skin, wicked thermoregulation, gassy tummy, poopy pants, and the inability to run from danger right after birth. See how much harder the task becomes when your baby is basically a helpless egg? Well, helpless but at least a terribly, incredibly, devastatingly adorable, life-changing, heavenly egg. But let's go back to the behemoth task of being a mom. As we've all agreed, it's incredibly hard, right? And what do you do with things in life that are fabulously arduous? You make fun of them, of course! So, to all the moms-to-be, the seasoned moms, and hopeful moms, we present our list of the funniest mom quotes that we could find!
This is a real compendium of mom life troubles - from babies and their sharp nails lovingly scratching your face to blaming your farts on them; no topic is beyond limits in these mommy quotes. However, all of them carry the notion of a mother's love with it, so even the most hilarious jokes are really an expression of this all-encompassing love that a mother feels for her children. So, laugh at them all you want, Mom, without feeling any unease by amusing yourself about your little bundle of trouble!
I guess you're on limited time here, Mom, so without any further ado, let's just skip right to the funny quotes. All of them are just a little bit further down, as they always are. Once you are there, vote for the cute mom quotes that you've enjoyed the most, but be sure to laugh quickly so as not to wake your sleeping angel! Also, don't forget to share these silly quotes with your friends, as they might need some comic relief from their duties, too.
#21
"Child: "Mom, I'm scared there's a monster under my bed." Mom: "If there is a monster under your bed, please tell him to read you stories and get you drinks, it's about time he earned his keep."
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#22
“Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.”
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#23
"Some days, I amaze myself. Other days, I put the laundry in the refrigerator."
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#24
"50 Shades Of Dark Circles Under My Eyes."
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#25
"English is my mom's second language, so instead of saying "It's my way or the highway" my mom says "My way is the highway."
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#26
“I slept in until 7:30 am this morning. The sink is clogged, the dog has a purple stripe down his back, and the chocolate cake is gone. So worth it.”
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#27
"Have you ever just ignored your children when they said, "Mom," just to see how far they will go? So far we've made it to 256."
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#28
"I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon."
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#29
"I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children."
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#30
"Dear mom, thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from dad."
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#31
“There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” - Jill Churchill
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#32
"You wrestled a bear? Cool. I removed a splinter from a two year-old's finger. I think we're even."
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#33
"Having a second child is like riding a bike... except the bike has no brakes, it is speeding down a hill, and the tires are on fire."
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#34
"I'm unsure when my going to the bathroom turned into a family meeting, but I should definitely contact HR. Oh wait, that's me."
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#35
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children." - Sam Levenson
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#36
"Why don't kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?" - Alyson Hannigan
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#37
"Two year-old referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them." - Rebecca Caprara
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#38
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says keep away from children." - Susan Savannah
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#39
"Nothing pairs better with a long soak, candles, and wine than a four year-old pressed against the bathroom door repeating the phrase, "Mom, are you in there!"
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#40
“Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.”
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