Parenting has its challenges, but one fun part is the ability to shape your kid’s world. This is as much about character and knowledge as just playing pranks. The father of Calvin, from the comic strip “Calvin and Hobbes” often gives his curious son creative, but not exactly correct answers to his questions.
So we’ve gathered some of the best posts where people online attempt to explain something as if they were Calvin’s dad. Get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorite examples and be sure to share your own takes in the comments below.
#21 Why Are Firetrucks Red And Garbage Trucks Green? Why Are All The Excavators And Bulldozers Yellow?
domino7:
Firetrucks are red and garbage trucks are green for camouflage. So the fire and garbage cans think they're one of them, and are less likely to run away. It lets them get closer so they can do their thing.
Construction equipment is yellow because the red and green was already used up by the others, and dirt can't go anywhere, so there's no need to sneak.
Firetrucks are red and garbage trucks are green for camouflage. So the fire and garbage cans think they're one of them, and are less likely to run away. It lets them get closer so they can do their thing.
Construction equipment is yellow because the red and green was already used up by the others, and dirt can't go anywhere, so there's no need to sneak.
4points
#22 Why Is A Gay Man Called A Queen, But A Lesbian Woman Isn’t Called A King?
question87:
Basically when gay men dress up they dress and act like queens. When lesbian women dress like men however they dress like Lumberjacks. Not like kings.
Basically when gay men dress up they dress and act like queens. When lesbian women dress like men however they dress like Lumberjacks. Not like kings.
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4points
#23 Elic: If The Oceans Are All Connected, Why Is The Sea Level Higher On One End Of The Panama Canal?
soxster-com:
There are more fish in the Pacific and that means that the water is higher at that end. Fish displace water.
There are more fish in the Pacific and that means that the water is higher at that end. Fish displace water.
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4points
#24 Elic: Why Do Fast Food Joints Start Promoting Fish Sandwiches Like Crazy In March?
Flocculencio:
Well Calvin, March, in temperate Northern hemisphere climates is when all the hibernating mammals start really getting active again and marching around, looking for food (hence the name of the month). Historically people wouldn't have wanted to hunt them then as they'd prefer the animals to fatten up first. Thus, at this time of year people were much more dependent on fish for protein. Thanks to modern animal husbandry techniques this is a thing of the past, now only commemorated in filet-o-fish promotions.
Well Calvin, March, in temperate Northern hemisphere climates is when all the hibernating mammals start really getting active again and marching around, looking for food (hence the name of the month). Historically people wouldn't have wanted to hunt them then as they'd prefer the animals to fatten up first. Thus, at this time of year people were much more dependent on fish for protein. Thanks to modern animal husbandry techniques this is a thing of the past, now only commemorated in filet-o-fish promotions.
4points
#25 Elic: If "Monosyllabic" Defines One Syllable, Why Does It Have 5 Syllables?
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4points
#26 If Our Bodies Are 98.6 Degrees On The Inside, Why Does It Feel So Hot When It's 98.6 Degrees Outside?
Butty_Butterson_Jr:
Our bodies are very insecure, so they like to be the hottest thing around. Whenever there's something as hot as them, they make us feel uncomfortable so we'll move and they'll be the hottest again.
Our bodies are very insecure, so they like to be the hottest thing around. Whenever there's something as hot as them, they make us feel uncomfortable so we'll move and they'll be the hottest again.
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4points
#27 Elic: Why Is It That I Get "Wrong Password," But Then When I Make A New Password It Says "New Password Cannot Be The Same As Old Password?"
NaraSumas:
Well if your old password was wrong of course you need a different one! The new one has to be right
Well if your old password was wrong of course you need a different one! The new one has to be right
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4points
#28 Elic: Why Do Those Inflatable Wavy Arm Guys Only Work At Car And Tire Dealerships?
thatoneotherguy42:
Hi, I'm Al Harrington, President and CEO of Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Thanks to a shipping error I am now currently overstocked on wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men, and I am passing the savings on to you! Attract customers to your business, Make a splash at your next presentation, Keep grandma company, Protect your crops. Confuse your neighbors, African American? Hail a cab! Testify in church, Or just raise the roof! Whatever your wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man needs are! So come on down to Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Route 2 in Weekapaug.
Hi, I'm Al Harrington, President and CEO of Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Thanks to a shipping error I am now currently overstocked on wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men, and I am passing the savings on to you! Attract customers to your business, Make a splash at your next presentation, Keep grandma company, Protect your crops. Confuse your neighbors, African American? Hail a cab! Testify in church, Or just raise the roof! Whatever your wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man needs are! So come on down to Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Route 2 in Weekapaug.
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4points
#29 Elic: Dad, Why Does Garfield Hate Mondays When He Has No Job Or School To Attend To?
BrokenEye3:
Because for reasons no one in his world can explain, once a week, for one glorious fleeting Sunday, Garfield discovers his normally gray world miraculously awash with the brilliancy of color, the loftiest cyans, sweetest magentas, and most radiant yellows all on full display, permeating all of existence with beauty indescribable. And then Monday dawns and cruelly snatches this rapturous full spectrum from his grasp, returning him to the empty monochrome shell of a world that is to be his prison for the remaining 6 days, taunting him with the memory of his brush with the sublime and the knowledge that as long as there are Mondays, that feeling will always be something he can never truly possess.
Because for reasons no one in his world can explain, once a week, for one glorious fleeting Sunday, Garfield discovers his normally gray world miraculously awash with the brilliancy of color, the loftiest cyans, sweetest magentas, and most radiant yellows all on full display, permeating all of existence with beauty indescribable. And then Monday dawns and cruelly snatches this rapturous full spectrum from his grasp, returning him to the empty monochrome shell of a world that is to be his prison for the remaining 6 days, taunting him with the memory of his brush with the sublime and the knowledge that as long as there are Mondays, that feeling will always be something he can never truly possess.
4points
#30 Elic: Why Do They Say "Ten-Hut" To Call Soldiers To Attention?
Swiss_Army_Cheese:
This is a saying dating to ancient egypt. Specificly from reign of the great pharaoh Atten-hut.
People would say "A ten hut", to warn of his approach. Not good things happened to the soldiers who didn't stand at attention when Atten-hut inspected his troops.
This is a saying dating to ancient egypt. Specificly from reign of the great pharaoh Atten-hut.
People would say "A ten hut", to warn of his approach. Not good things happened to the soldiers who didn't stand at attention when Atten-hut inspected his troops.
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4points
#31 Why Does The British Accent Disappear When They Sing But A Southern Country Accent Stays The Same When They Sing?
Elevated_Misanthropy:
You see son, it's all about the teeth. When a British person starts singing, the music bounces around all the uneven places in their teeth, which chew up the accent and makes it sound normal.
Country singers don't have teeth, so their accent comes out in big unchewed chunks.
And that's why it's so important to floss.
You see son, it's all about the teeth. When a British person starts singing, the music bounces around all the uneven places in their teeth, which chew up the accent and makes it sound normal.
Country singers don't have teeth, so their accent comes out in big unchewed chunks.
And that's why it's so important to floss.
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3points
#32 Why Are There Different Ways To Measure Weight, Distance, Volume, And Temperature - But Not Time? Why Is A Minute, An Hour, And A Year The Same All Over The World?
catrinadaimonlee:
why time does have different systems of measurement. it's the trickiest of all
you wouldn't say that anyone working on the railroad all the livelong day is having the same day length as someone who isn't now would you? it's a very long day on that railroad
whereas a new york minute is much faster than an ordinary minute, u know
why even if you had a whole buncha new york minutes that totalled a whole day it wouldn't be as long as the work on the railroad day now would it?
a psychiatrist's hour is only 45 minutes
when your job is 9-5 it usually means you work til 6 or 7
when your girlfriend tells you it will take her a second to change her dress that second would measure 3 hours by your watch
why time does have different systems of measurement. it's the trickiest of all
you wouldn't say that anyone working on the railroad all the livelong day is having the same day length as someone who isn't now would you? it's a very long day on that railroad
whereas a new york minute is much faster than an ordinary minute, u know
why even if you had a whole buncha new york minutes that totalled a whole day it wouldn't be as long as the work on the railroad day now would it?
a psychiatrist's hour is only 45 minutes
when your job is 9-5 it usually means you work til 6 or 7
when your girlfriend tells you it will take her a second to change her dress that second would measure 3 hours by your watch
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3points
#33 Elic, Why Isn't A Pound Of Bricks Heavier Than A Pound Of Feathers?
ooterness:
That's a really old British saying, Calvin. As you know, they use "pounds" as currency.
At the time, the value of the pound (currency) was linked to the market price for one pound (weight) of certain reference items. The full list changed over time, but at one point a clerical error included both feathers and bricks. So, legally speaking, a pound of feathers was the same value and weight as a pound of bricks.
That mistake nearly wrecked their economy, but the saying survives to this day.
That's a really old British saying, Calvin. As you know, they use "pounds" as currency.
At the time, the value of the pound (currency) was linked to the market price for one pound (weight) of certain reference items. The full list changed over time, but at one point a clerical error included both feathers and bricks. So, legally speaking, a pound of feathers was the same value and weight as a pound of bricks.
That mistake nearly wrecked their economy, but the saying survives to this day.
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3points
#34 Elic, Why Do Talking Apes And Monkeys On TV Always Have British Accents?
krayonspc:
In order for apes and monkeys to gain both the ability to talk and the credentials to be actors, they must be extremely well educated in multiple fields of study.
One of the only higher education institutes that allows non-homo sapiens to apply and attend is Oxford University. Because they need multiple majors to advance, they must attend the university for much longer than humans. After being around people with british accents for sometimes multiple decades, they just naturally pick up that accent.
Aside: I know this isn't eli5, but the British accent (in America, at least) is automatically associated with supeior culture and intellect and is used as an easy way for writers to signal sophistication or snobishness of a character.
In order for apes and monkeys to gain both the ability to talk and the credentials to be actors, they must be extremely well educated in multiple fields of study.
One of the only higher education institutes that allows non-homo sapiens to apply and attend is Oxford University. Because they need multiple majors to advance, they must attend the university for much longer than humans. After being around people with british accents for sometimes multiple decades, they just naturally pick up that accent.
Aside: I know this isn't eli5, but the British accent (in America, at least) is automatically associated with supeior culture and intellect and is used as an easy way for writers to signal sophistication or snobishness of a character.
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3points
#35 Elic: Why Does The “#” Symbol Have So Many Different Names?
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3points
#36 [elic] Why Do People Who Smoke Smack Their Cigarette Packs So Hard Before Getting A Cigarette Out? I've Seen Some Folks Get Really Forceful, Multiple Times In A Row. What Gives?
shaodyn:
Cigarettes are naturally very rowdy and like to throw wild parties. Smacking the pack is a sign that the door is about to open and they have to settle down. Also, it helps keep them in line.
Cigarettes are naturally very rowdy and like to throw wild parties. Smacking the pack is a sign that the door is about to open and they have to settle down. Also, it helps keep them in line.
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3points
#37 Elic: What Do The Feds Have Against Poaching? Don’t The Ever Eat Eggs Benedict?
alvysinger0412:
Eggs Benedict require a special permit. Haven't you noticed I've only had Eggs Benedict at a restaurant? The cost of the permit gets passed onto the consumer, its very expensive.
Eggs Benedict require a special permit. Haven't you noticed I've only had Eggs Benedict at a restaurant? The cost of the permit gets passed onto the consumer, its very expensive.
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3points
#38 Elic: Why Do People Always Say "I Could Care Less?" Shouldn't It Be "I Could Not Care Less?"
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3points
#39 Elic: Why Do They Have Freeze Warnings In The South, Where You Have To Leave Your Faucet Running, But Not Up North, Where It Freezes All The Time?
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3points
#40 Elic: Why Do Medicines Have So Many Side Effects? Why Can’t They Just Do What They Were Designed For?
DeeSnow97:
If medicine only had positive effects what would stop people from eating it like candy? Imagine that Calvin, instead of M&Ms you would just get pills for snacks and you would never have to worry about getting sick. At least for the first week, because then we would just run out of medicine, and we wouldn't have any for actually sick people. The government enacted the Medicine Law of 1965 that requires every medicine to have at least three side effects, so people only take what they really need.
If medicine only had positive effects what would stop people from eating it like candy? Imagine that Calvin, instead of M&Ms you would just get pills for snacks and you would never have to worry about getting sick. At least for the first week, because then we would just run out of medicine, and we wouldn't have any for actually sick people. The government enacted the Medicine Law of 1965 that requires every medicine to have at least three side effects, so people only take what they really need.
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3points
