65 Funny Responses From People Who Clearly Had No Intention Of Giving A Straight Answer

there_are_no_owls:

It's only for historical reasons, that's just the order in which letters were invented. When I was your age the alphabet stopped at Y, I still remember the chaos when they introduced Z -- people kept mistaking it for S.

Gneiss_Gal:

Well Calvin, it all has to do with how delicious pizza is. You see, pizza is a magical food. This magic is done by placing geometric shapes in precise formations. To be delicious, a perfect circle must be placed inside a perfect square and then cut with a special circular knife while saying the magic words. And that is also why you see so many young people working at pizza shops, they are all wizard apprentices.

Jeveran:

Indeed, it is guacamole. In those extreme instances you're presented with LGBTQIA, be prepared for the addition of queso, incaberries, and arugula.

antonivs:

As I've already explained, the world turned to color sometime in the 1930s. Before that, the only way to know what color something was was to ask someone who could predict the future, to tell you what color something was going to be in the future. Because of that, there was a strong need for people who could predict the future - futurologists, if you will. A big industry existed for people who could do that, and they went by many names: soothsayer, seer, fortune teller, clairvoyant, psychic, astrologer. augur, oracle, prophesier, palmist, sibyl. Anyone who needed to drive would hire one of these futurologists to come with them and predict what color the traffic lights were.
Then when the world turned to color, there wasn't such a strong need for all these futurologists, so the whole industry fell out of favor. Nowadays you only find them at county fairs and strip malls, and occasionally giving TED talks, like Ray Kurzweil.

sealclubber:

It's a little-known fact, but bricks are not created to be bricks. They're actually part of the process used to make projectile explosives for the military.
You see, while the clay is still soft, they cut out small round shapes to use for the explosives. It's kinda like how they make doughnuts and doughnut holes (except that these would explode if you dropped them).
When the clay has dried, it's safe to build with. Usually. So once the military has all the round shapes they need for their explosives, they sell the rest of it off to the building supply companies, and it's used to build houses.
But that's where we get the phrase, "Brick and mortar".

ItsAConspiracy:

You have to be a mommy. Their supervision is eyes in the backs of their heads.

anon:

Everyone has food allergies and lawyers these days. Hit the wrong guy with a bad tomato and he'll take your house.

lkbm:

Nickels were first created during the Civil War, so they're exempt from taxing. The government was just too busy to add it to the list of taxed currency.
Determining the outcome of "If I had a quarter for every time..." requires extra math to subtract out the amount that would go to taxes.

NinjaLanternShark:

The best thing about applying to the Electoral college is you can flunk almost half your classes, as long as in the other half, you get the highest grade in the class.

LilHamSandwich:

This is because there are actually many different kinds of tuna, so you have to specify which type you’re talking about. It could be the land Tuna, which is the number one cause of death in Wyoming, the air tuna, which are hunted with shotguns, or the illusive space tuna, which scientists have only theorized about.

badpuffthaikitty:

The sky was green, but people thought it would look better blue. When you see all those jetliners in the sky trailing white lines it is blue paint. They have to repaint the sky everyday or it would turn green again.

NAK3DWOOKI3:

She actually was at first, but some Americans thought the French had given it to us painted in their blue, white, and red, not in our red, white, and blue, and saw it as an act of aggression. So one day, a group of people got together and doused the statue with hundreds of gallons of paint thinner! But it turns out that the thinner they used was really only effective for red paint, and it ended up just blending the blue and the ever-so-slightly off-white paints into the green you see today. And that's why you should ask your good ol' dad before you go using paint thinner willy-nilly, because we have to find just the right kind for the job.

anon:

Back when people used to work every day, back before the weekend or the 40 hour work week were invented, people pretty much ran out energy in 7 days.
"Done for the week" was originally "Done, for thy weakness", a phrase which referred to how you were physically at your limit and needed to rest up for about a day.
So yeah, week = weak = you ran out of energy for that 7 days.

PhotoJim99:

Canada would shut down if water froze at 32 degrees. Nowhere there even averages above 32 degrees in summer!
So the Canadian government passed a law to change the freezing temperature of water in 1977. Since then, Canada's population has almost doubled and Toronto thawed out enough to get both a baseball and a basketball team.

antonivs:

Blind people can't see because of the very dark sunglasses they wear, but this gives them a heightened sense of smell, which allows them to get around by following the smell of a dog's butt.

matstapiece:

What you’re seeing is the first! It’s a bit longer and the seconds always come after that.

Schmucko:

In the old days, when an army attacked a castle, they attacked in waves of increasing ruthlessness. The first waves were designed to lull the defenders into a false sense of security.
First they would roll barrels of fish into the moat of a castle. That's where our phrase "like shooting fish in a barrel" comes from.
Then the invaders would start putting monkeys into the barrels. You've heard of "more fun than a barrel of monkeys"? That's also where we get gorilla warfare from. The defenders thought they had things pretty easy at this stage.
Then would come the Trojan Horse tactic, where the invaders would roll in a wooden horse, and the castle would accept it as a gift and bring it inside. But the horse was filled with a hundred little duck-sized horses which would then go on a rampage once they were safely inside.
Then came the Infantry. Infants can be very hard to handle!
Finally if the Infantry failed to secure the castle, in came the Calvinry, which were soldiers mounted on horses, or, sometimes, tigers.

102bees:

Santa's precrime division.

atlhawk8357:

Conservatives tend to be more hawkish and open to uses of military force. That's where the phrase 'ad-hawk' comes from.

pwndabeer:

It was originally called "greatfruit" by the person who discovered it but he slipped up during his discovery speech and said grapefruit and it just stuck.