Nobody’s impervious to the charms of the Christmas spirit and merriments; even if your hero is Mr. Grinch, your icy cold heart is bound to thaw a little seeing a tastefully decorated Christmas tree, cracking up hot chestnuts, and of course, opening presents. But if that’s not enough to penetrate your leaden armor of cold civility, then maybe these funny Christmas quotes will do their job. Of course, our word alone could never be an assurance of an outcome, but what if we told you that these are celebrity quotes? Yes, celebrity Christmas quotes! Now, that takes it up a notch, doesn’t it?
Right, so we’ve gathered the words of famous people, cartoon characters, and book personalities sharing their funny thoughts on the holiday season. Not to be a spoilsport, but some of these quotes will knock you stiff, even if you think that your sense of humor is cultured beyond the aspects of highbrow society. We’re talking to you, dark comedy fans, forever certain that Christmas could never be the topic of a joke worthy of a scribble in your pocketbook. Did we pique a sleepy curiosity, drawing your attention to the cocky words claiming that you’re about to giggle mindlessly? Hopefully, a task achieved, and the golden star is ours.
Anyhoo, we think it is time for you to check out the Christmas quotes that we’ve corralled onto our list. At this point, you know exactly what to do - don’t scroll down below to check out the hilarious quotes for yourself, don’t vote for the ones that you liked the most, and by God, do not recommend this article to any of your merry friends. Day of the opposites, gotcha!
#101
"Merry Christmas ya filthy animal." — Home Alone
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#102
"You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!" — Chico Marx
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#103
"There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh." — Kristen Wiig
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#104
"Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas." — Melanie White
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#105
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear." — Elf
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#106
"Most of the soap operas always use the Christmas special to kill huge quantities of their characters. So they have trams coming off their rails, or cars slamming into each other or burning buildings. It’s a general clean-out." — Baron Fellowes
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#107
"It may be a cliche, but it’s true – the build-up to Christmas is so much more pleasurable than the actual day itself." — Julie Burchill
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#108
"Charlie, stay away from those things. They’re reindeer, you don’t know where they’ve been. They all look like they’ve got key lime disease." — Scott Calvin, The Santa Clause
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#109
"Nothing says holidays like a cheese log." — Ellen DeGeneres
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#110
"Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive." — Stephen Fry
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#111
"I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery." — National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
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#112
"We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup." — Elf
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#113
"‘Mistletoe,’ said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry’s head. He jumped out from under it. ‘Good thinking,’ said Luna seriously. ‘It’s often infested with nargles.’" — J.K. Rowling
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#114
"I planned out our whole day. First, we’ll make snow angels for two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Toll House cookie dough as fast as we can, and then we’ll snuggle." — Elf.
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#115
"Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money." — Unknown
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#116
"Elf has become this big holiday movie, and I remember running around the streets of New York in tights saying, ‘This could be the last movie I ever make,’ and I could never have predicted that it’d become such a popular film." — Will Ferrell
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#117
"I hate Christmas. The mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is, ‘I want this,’ ‘Get me this,’ ‘I have to have this’… and then there’s the children. And they’re all by my store ’cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. ‘Ho, ho, ho,’ all day long. So, nice as can be, I go outside, ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. Beard comes off, all the kids start crying and I’m the bad guy." — Al Bundy, Married With Children
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#118
"I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter." —Eloisa James
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#119
"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered." — Phyllis Diller
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#120
"My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in." — Les Dawson
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