Nobody’s impervious to the charms of the Christmas spirit and merriments; even if your hero is Mr. Grinch, your icy cold heart is bound to thaw a little seeing a tastefully decorated Christmas tree, cracking up hot chestnuts, and of course, opening presents. But if that’s not enough to penetrate your leaden armor of cold civility, then maybe these funny Christmas quotes will do their job. Of course, our word alone could never be an assurance of an outcome, but what if we told you that these are celebrity quotes? Yes, celebrity Christmas quotes! Now, that takes it up a notch, doesn’t it?
Right, so we’ve gathered the words of famous people, cartoon characters, and book personalities sharing their funny thoughts on the holiday season. Not to be a spoilsport, but some of these quotes will knock you stiff, even if you think that your sense of humor is cultured beyond the aspects of highbrow society. We’re talking to you, dark comedy fans, forever certain that Christmas could never be the topic of a joke worthy of a scribble in your pocketbook. Did we pique a sleepy curiosity, drawing your attention to the cocky words claiming that you’re about to giggle mindlessly? Hopefully, a task achieved, and the golden star is ours.
Anyhoo, we think it is time for you to check out the Christmas quotes that we’ve corralled onto our list. At this point, you know exactly what to do - don’t scroll down below to check out the hilarious quotes for yourself, don’t vote for the ones that you liked the most, and by God, do not recommend this article to any of your merry friends. Day of the opposites, gotcha!
#81
"It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be." — Bill Murray
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#82
"What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present." — Don Marquis
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#83
"Of course Santa is dead. You force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen?" — Jimmy Kimmel
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#84
"More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good." — Linda Sunshine
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#85
"It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list." — Unknown
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#86
"Dear Santa, I was framed." — Unknown
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#87
"Single all the way." — Unknown
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#88
"Santa Clause wears a red suit. He must be a communist. And long hair. He must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe he’s smoking?" — Arlo Guthrie
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#89
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even if you’re home." — Carol Nelson
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#90
"Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal." — Lenore Hershey
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#91
"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it." — Richard Lamm
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#92
"Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts." — Unknown
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#93
"People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces properly if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December." — Ogden Nash
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#94
"Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money." — Unknown
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#95
"Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included." — Unknown
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#96
"Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call." — Richard Lewis.
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#97
"I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. And that’s just not enough." — Bridger Winegar
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#98
"That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me." — Jerry Seinfeld
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#99
"The best Christmas present I got from my husband was a week to do whatever I wanted." — Olivia Williams
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#100
"I’d rather do community service than sit and write a load of Christmas cards." — Paul O’Grady
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