Nobody’s impervious to the charms of the Christmas spirit and merriments; even if your hero is Mr. Grinch, your icy cold heart is bound to thaw a little seeing a tastefully decorated Christmas tree, cracking up hot chestnuts, and of course, opening presents. But if that’s not enough to penetrate your leaden armor of cold civility, then maybe these funny Christmas quotes will do their job. Of course, our word alone could never be an assurance of an outcome, but what if we told you that these are celebrity quotes? Yes, celebrity Christmas quotes! Now, that takes it up a notch, doesn’t it?
Right, so we’ve gathered the words of famous people, cartoon characters, and book personalities sharing their funny thoughts on the holiday season. Not to be a spoilsport, but some of these quotes will knock you stiff, even if you think that your sense of humor is cultured beyond the aspects of highbrow society. We’re talking to you, dark comedy fans, forever certain that Christmas could never be the topic of a joke worthy of a scribble in your pocketbook. Did we pique a sleepy curiosity, drawing your attention to the cocky words claiming that you’re about to giggle mindlessly? Hopefully, a task achieved, and the golden star is ours.
Anyhoo, we think it is time for you to check out the Christmas quotes that we’ve corralled onto our list. At this point, you know exactly what to do - don’t scroll down below to check out the hilarious quotes for yourself, don’t vote for the ones that you liked the most, and by God, do not recommend this article to any of your merry friends. Day of the opposites, gotcha!
#121
"Christmas is such a carefree, low-pressure time—that’s one of the things I love about it." — Stephen King
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#122
"‘White Christmas’ is the ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ of Christmas songs." ― Stewart Stafford
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#123
"Santa’s reindeer get around so fast because they have athletes feet." — Kids Sure Are Funny
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#124
"Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning." — Alan Bradley
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#125
"If you see a sign that says ‘Peep Show’, that doesn’t mean they’re letting you look at presents before Christmas." — Father Christmas in Elf
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#126
"Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas." — National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
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#127
"Next to a circus , there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit." — Kin Hubbard
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#128
"A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing." — Unknown
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#129
"There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them." — P.J. O’Rourk
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#130
"It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket." — Craig Ferguson
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#131
"I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, ‘So does the guy I stole it from.’" — David Letterman
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#132
"We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorized tie racks." — Bill McKibben
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#133
"The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it." — Bill Vaughan
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#134
"Let’s get lit." — Unknown
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#135
"Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle." — Unknown
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#136
"Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer." — Catherine Tate
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#137
"Out upon merry Christmas! What’s Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer…? ‘If I could work my will,’ said Scrooge indignantly, ‘every idiot who goes about with Merry Christmas upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!" — Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
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#138
"Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit." — Frank McKinney Hubbard
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#139
"I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even at Christmas." — Frank Butler
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#140
"Wretched excess is an unfortunate human trait that turns a perfectly good idea such as Christmas into a frenzy of last-minute shopping." — Jon Anderson
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