Nobody’s impervious to the charms of the Christmas spirit and merriments; even if your hero is Mr. Grinch, your icy cold heart is bound to thaw a little seeing a tastefully decorated Christmas tree, cracking up hot chestnuts, and of course, opening presents. But if that’s not enough to penetrate your leaden armor of cold civility, then maybe these funny Christmas quotes will do their job. Of course, our word alone could never be an assurance of an outcome, but what if we told you that these are celebrity quotes? Yes, celebrity Christmas quotes! Now, that takes it up a notch, doesn’t it?
Right, so we’ve gathered the words of famous people, cartoon characters, and book personalities sharing their funny thoughts on the holiday season. Not to be a spoilsport, but some of these quotes will knock you stiff, even if you think that your sense of humor is cultured beyond the aspects of highbrow society. We’re talking to you, dark comedy fans, forever certain that Christmas could never be the topic of a joke worthy of a scribble in your pocketbook. Did we pique a sleepy curiosity, drawing your attention to the cocky words claiming that you’re about to giggle mindlessly? Hopefully, a task achieved, and the golden star is ours.
Anyhoo, we think it is time for you to check out the Christmas quotes that we’ve corralled onto our list. At this point, you know exactly what to do - don’t scroll down below to check out the hilarious quotes for yourself, don’t vote for the ones that you liked the most, and by God, do not recommend this article to any of your merry friends. Day of the opposites, gotcha!
#61
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together." — Garrison Keillor
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#62
"There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas." — Robert Staughton Lynd
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#63
"The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: ‘Some assembly required.’" — John Leo
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#64
"For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!" — Anne Bristow
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#65
"The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband." — Joan Rivers
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#66
"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly." — Andy Rooney.
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#67
"At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional." —Robert Godden
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#68
"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall." — Larry Wilde
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#69
"Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases." — Bridger Winegar
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#70
"Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period."— Frances Wright
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#71
"Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time." — Douglas Coupland
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#72
"Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help." — Andy Borowitz
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#73
"Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends." — Larry Wilde
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#74
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your feet." — Unknown
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#75
"The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes." — Julius Sharpe
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#76
"Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy.’" — Robert Paul
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#77
"You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January." — Kate Summers
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#78
"Sleigh all day, then cabernet." — Unknown
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#79
"Adults can take a simple holiday for children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name." — Erma Bombeck
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#80
"My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge." — Melanie White.
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