Nobody’s impervious to the charms of the Christmas spirit and merriments; even if your hero is Mr. Grinch, your icy cold heart is bound to thaw a little seeing a tastefully decorated Christmas tree, cracking up hot chestnuts, and of course, opening presents. But if that’s not enough to penetrate your leaden armor of cold civility, then maybe these funny Christmas quotes will do their job. Of course, our word alone could never be an assurance of an outcome, but what if we told you that these are celebrity quotes? Yes, celebrity Christmas quotes! Now, that takes it up a notch, doesn’t it?
Right, so we’ve gathered the words of famous people, cartoon characters, and book personalities sharing their funny thoughts on the holiday season. Not to be a spoilsport, but some of these quotes will knock you stiff, even if you think that your sense of humor is cultured beyond the aspects of highbrow society. We’re talking to you, dark comedy fans, forever certain that Christmas could never be the topic of a joke worthy of a scribble in your pocketbook. Did we pique a sleepy curiosity, drawing your attention to the cocky words claiming that you’re about to giggle mindlessly? Hopefully, a task achieved, and the golden star is ours.
Anyhoo, we think it is time for you to check out the Christmas quotes that we’ve corralled onto our list. At this point, you know exactly what to do - don’t scroll down below to check out the hilarious quotes for yourself, don’t vote for the ones that you liked the most, and by God, do not recommend this article to any of your merry friends. Day of the opposites, gotcha!
#41
"Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen." — Sean Hughes
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#42
"Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas." — Unknown
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#43
"No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday." — Erma Bombeck
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#44
"Christmas Shopping: Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn’t have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in "Gift certificate for a flu shot." — Erma Bombeck
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#45
"Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip." — Gary Allan
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#46
"It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones." — Jimmy Kimmel
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#47
"Christmas is always a problem to the man who has to convince his kids that there is a Santa Claus, and his wife that there isn’t." — Evan Esar
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#48
"The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas." — Robert Rivers
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#49
"Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?" — Tom Armstrong
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#50
"Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music." — Tom Sims
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#51
"A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours." — John B. Priestly
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#52
"How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?" — Santa Claus in Home Alone
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#53
"I grew up on a Christmas Tree Farm so this is a good season for me. I was too young to help with the hauling of the trees up the hills and putting them onto cars. So, it was my job to pull the praying mantis pods off of the Christmas trees. The problem with that is if you leave them on there, people bring them into their house. I forgot to check one time and they hatched all over these people’s house—and there were hundreds of thousands of them!" — Taylor Swift
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#54
"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven." — W.C. Fields
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#55
"There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?" — Conan O’Brien
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#56
"Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp." — Melanie White
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#57
"I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange." — Henny Youngman
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#58
"This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones." — Guy Endore Kaiser
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#59
"One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales." — Grace Kriley
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#60
"I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always get too tired and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him."— Theodore W. Higginsworth
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