To make it clear right from the beginning, the football jokes in this list will talk about European football, also known as soccer, to those on the other side of the pond. The football where you kick the ball, rather than grapple for it, the football that most likely stems from 12th-century England, and the one that supplies some of the most famous athletes on our planet. Well, you get the gist - this is our article dedicated to football, a.k.a. soccer jokes, where we lovingly make fun of this ancient game, its fans, and the ball-kicking frenzy that comes with it.
Unlike any other sports jokes, these ones have a particular affinity for the fans. Seems like if it weren’t for them and their unabashed dedication to their teams, football would lose half of its charm. The rivalries between fans are as fierce as (if not fiercer than) those among the teams themselves, and that makes for a very fertile ground for undeniably hilarious jokes. In fact, any rivalry makes for amazing silly jokes, but when it comes to football, the feeling is just unmatched! Of course, these jokes about football will talk about the game itself, too, but you’ll see a definite pattern of devotees taking center stage.
So, get ready for some funny football jokes that wait for you just a smidgen further down. Once you are there, give the best jokes your vote, and be sure to share this article with your football-crazy friends!
#41
My computer’s got the ‘Bad-Goalie Virus’. It can’t save anything.
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#42
What do you call a [insert team here] player in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A referee!
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#43
Are lightning bolts good at football?
No, they're shocking!
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#44
What football club do sheep support?
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-rcelona.
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#45
"My brother plays football for a team called the Musketeers. They've started the season well with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4 all."
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#46
"My girlfriend is the star goalie of her local football team... she's a keeper."
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#47
Why did the surfer go to the football game?
He wanted to practice the wave.
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#48
I used to be the worst player on my football team but then I moved to America. Now I’m the worst on my soccer team.
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#49
What's the difference between my son and the England national football team?
My son stopped disappointing me after 52 years.
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#50
England football manager Roy Hodgson has just announced that he's won the competition for "Scotland's favorite Englishman."
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#51
Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
Because they can't hold on to a lead.
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#52
Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan, the devil, proposed a soccer game between heaven and hell.
God, always fair, told the devil, "The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one-sided, don't you know all the 'good' players go to heaven?"
The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."
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#53
A football hooligan appeared in court one day charged with disorderly conduct and assault. The arresting officer stated that the accused had thrown something into the river.
Judge: "What exactly did the accused throw?"
Officer: "Stones, sir."
Judge: "Well, that's hardly an offense is it?"
Officer: It was in this case, sir. Stones was the referee."
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#54
At a local derby between Arsenal and Spurs last season, a spectator suddenly found himself in the thick of dozens of flying bottles.
"There's nothing to worry about, lad," said the elderly chap standing next to him... "It's like the bombs during the war. You won't get hit unless the bottle's got your name on it."
"That's just what I'm worried about...," said the fan,"...my name's Johnny Walker."
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#55
In the football stadium corridor, two fans were talking...
First fan: "I wish I'd brought the piano to the stadium."
Second fan: "Why would you bring a piano to the football game?"
First fan: "Because I left the tickets on it."
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#56
Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team?
He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.
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#57
The reason women don't play football is that eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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#58
How do you set fire to a football stadium?
With a match.
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#59
I hate playing football with Satan - no matter what skills I use, he always has possession.
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#60
Did you hear about the butcher's assistant who ditched work to try out for the football team?
He didn't make the cut.
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