O, Dwight, however much we love you! Thine quirks, thine wisdom, thine unmatched grit! Thou art probably the greatest TV series character ever that gives us, the socially ungraceful introverts, at least a smidgen of bravery in being as non-conforming as we like to be. Well, you might’ve gotten the gist by now - we cannot get enough of Dwight Kurt Schrute III, and he’s at the very top of our list of the most beloved fictional characters ever. And thus, we’ve created a whole list of Dwight Schrute quotes and now are sharing it with you!
Unlike the rest of The Office characters, Dwight is much more multi-layered. In fact, although he’s probably the weirdest person you’ve ever met on screen due to the complexity of his character, Dwight’s also probably the most real of them all. And just read some of his wise quotes! All of his phrases will make you laugh the hardest but will also carry a message about dignity, authenticity, bravery, and loyalty. You know, the things that make humans human. And did we mention that some of them are just hilariously funny quotes? We did? Well, no harm in repeating it, then.
Now, prepare yourself beetroot tartar to go with these wonderful quotes - a combo to die for! Once you’re done reading them, give the best ones your vote, and if you’d like a bit more, then read our The Office quotes article, too! Oh, and also, don’t forget to share these funny Dwight Schrute quotes with anyone who seems to be a bit down these days - it will surely improve their disposition!
#61
"Ah, humor. I have it too."
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#62
"I really should have a Tweeter account."
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#63
"Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."
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#64
"I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life."
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#65
"Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?"
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#66
“Michael is like Mozart, and I’m like Butch Cassidy. You mess with Mozart and you’re gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.”
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#67
“There are three things you never turn your back on: bears, men you have wronged, and a dominant male turkey during mating season.”
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#68
“There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we’re downriver from that old bread factory.”
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#69
“As a volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy, I’ve been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out… she was. With a couple of guys actually, so… mystery solved.”
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#70
“I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted. I’m sorry, only part of me meant that. He’d probably end up a hero there, anyway.”
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#71
“OK. When the baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of a mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher could ever copy.”
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#72
“Love is in the air? False. Nitrogen, oxygen, argon, and carbon dioxide is in the air.”
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#73
"We, Schrutes, don't need some Harvard doctor to tell us who's alive and who's dead. But, there was an unlucky streak of burying some heavy sleepers. And, when grave robbers discovered some scratch marks on the inside of some of the coffins, we decided to make sure that our dead were completely dead. Out of kindness."
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#74
"Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player. Or her husband."
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#75
"There are several ways to kill a zombie. But the most satisfying one is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick."
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#76
"All you need is love? False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food, and shelter.”
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#77
“Five minutes ahead of schedule. Right on schedule.”
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#78
"Michael, you shouldn't have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her, and I will bring her to you. And as God as my witness, she shall bear your fruit."
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#79
"Failure of any kind is failure."
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#80
"Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can and do cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist. Because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."
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