O, Dwight, however much we love you! Thine quirks, thine wisdom, thine unmatched grit! Thou art probably the greatest TV series character ever that gives us, the socially ungraceful introverts, at least a smidgen of bravery in being as non-conforming as we like to be. Well, you might’ve gotten the gist by now - we cannot get enough of Dwight Kurt Schrute III, and he’s at the very top of our list of the most beloved fictional characters ever. And thus, we’ve created a whole list of Dwight Schrute quotes and now are sharing it with you!
Unlike the rest of The Office characters, Dwight is much more multi-layered. In fact, although he’s probably the weirdest person you’ve ever met on screen due to the complexity of his character, Dwight’s also probably the most real of them all. And just read some of his wise quotes! All of his phrases will make you laugh the hardest but will also carry a message about dignity, authenticity, bravery, and loyalty. You know, the things that make humans human. And did we mention that some of them are just hilariously funny quotes? We did? Well, no harm in repeating it, then.
Now, prepare yourself beetroot tartar to go with these wonderful quotes - a combo to die for! Once you’re done reading them, give the best ones your vote, and if you’d like a bit more, then read our The Office quotes article, too! Oh, and also, don’t forget to share these funny Dwight Schrute quotes with anyone who seems to be a bit down these days - it will surely improve their disposition!
#81
"Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate twice the speed of a normal man's."
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#82
"Listen up, kid! I don't like you. But because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights."
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#83
“Jim told me you could buy gaydar online.”
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#84
“Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly… I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.”
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#85
“Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.”
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#86
“When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.”
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#87
“I am faster than 80 percent of all snakes.”
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#88
“A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.”
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#89
“Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.”
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#90
“Get a friend, loser.”
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#91
“Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma! In the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that. I was good.”
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#92
“Schrute Farms is very easy to find. It’s right in the middle of the root vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you’ve gone too far.”
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#93
“All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders.”
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#94
"Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now. Check-out time is never."
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#95
"No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes."
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#96
"You can't get flowers for someone who's in a coma. They'll wilt before he wakes up."
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#97
"Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors."
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#98
“I really like Andy these days. He’s pretended, and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we’re in for an epic, confusing showdown.”
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#99
“Now that I own the building, I’m looking for new sources of revenue. And a daycare center? Muahahahahahahahaha. Well, I guess it’s not an evil idea, it’s just a regular idea, but there’s no good laugh for a regular idea.”
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#100
“I always knew I would be destroyed by my own creation, but honestly, I thought it would be that bull that Mose and I are trying to reanimate.”
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